Working for the weekend.

Well, Actually I am working for the Wednesday. Wednesday is when I get paid. I will get paid alot, because I have been working alot. Lots and lots. Tommorow, However, I still have to get through the Nine hour SHIFT OF DOOM before I can enjoy the fruits of my labour. But enjoy them I shal, and you will not be able to stop me. on Wednesday I shall eat food that has been prepared by someone else, for my eating pleasure, at some establisment, preferably with a glass of wine. And on Thursday me and a friend are going to go shopping (no, I don't care if you have no money, it WILL be a good time, damn it!) and I shall buy things that make me happy inside. I also have to go shopping for foodstuffs at some point, and I will welcome the change in diet, as I have been eating toast, toast, more toast and occasionally, 'bread', which is just meta toast anyway. On the weekend I shall buy some booze (but not too much!) play poker with my friends, watch movies and eat pizza. And then all my money will be gone. Souind like fun, no?
But today I have to go into town, to return some dvds. One was a alternative ending to the 'Neon Genisis Evangellion' seris made by Gainax. I would have liked to have been there when they pitched that idea.
'I need money for an alternative 'Eva' ending!'
'Go on...'
'It will be three hours long!'
'Sounds good, but we need something new...'
'Um, Ahh... well, we are going to put in a lot of naked people, and the main character will save humanity so he can first try and strange a giry, and then masturbate.'
'BRILIANT! Here's all the money you need!'
Bloody Gainax. You gotta whatch out where you stand with tho0se bastards. Sure, the original ending of Eva was pretty damn confusing, but it takes a special person to change 'confusing' into 'self-molestation'. They did it wit 'Beserk' as well. 'Beserk' was mostly normal, right up untill the last two episodes, when, out of the blue, tentacle rape aplenty.
Anyway, back to the moral of my story, I have to go into town to return these DVD's, so I though I would go and have a look through Te Papa as well. Just because I can. And because it is free.

Im so poor. I cannot even afford a pie.

OMNISEXUAL!

Oh, how I wish I was omnisexual. All sex, all the time, everywhere. But no, alas it seems I am doomed to remain asexual, genderless and alone, pleasing myself to ezy-buy magazines.
AHAHA! Ezy-buy!
Anywhay, me date on friday...well, that didn't happen. Keh. Oh well, worse things happen at sea. Like soddomy. Soddomy between saliors. There wasn't any soddomy at this lack of date, so that is what I am thankful for. No soddom.
But the party went rather well. I kept my pants on. I drank a bottle of wine. And a bottle of beer. And a glass of vodka-orange. and thats all! Nothing else! This is a big step towards goddness and hapyness and not frightning strangers! On the down side, it was a little boring. The high point of the party was probably heckling strangers as they waked past, pretending that we knew them, and then talking to them about mutal, yet non-existant, friends. I hope Jonno actually doesn't have a friend called Steve, otherwise Steve is in a lot of trouble.
Yesterday I spent all day in bed. All of it. I ate toast. All of it. And played playstation. Also, all of it. And now all is good.

Beware the stranger with the hairy face! His beard hides ETERNAL DAMNATION!

It be over

Finally, it is over. The last two weeks have only avoided being classified as 'hell' by the fact that it has been barstadly cold. Being ill, working everyday, trying to cut back drinking, late nights and three assignments have taken their toll. I am so very, very tired.
But now I have nothing due for 31 days! Glorious, glorious nothing to study for! I can finally get some reading done, some writing done and, most importaintly, a but load of sleeping done. It's funny how things seem to pick up just after you have finished and printed off a not-too-bad assignment and it is friday and you don't have to work for two days and you have a party to go to tomorrow and a coffee date also. Hah! Bet you didn't know that, did you Mr. Three people who read this! Coffee, with a girl, on saturday, before the party. Good yes?
so that is what is happening. This weekend my official goal is to limit myself to ONE BOTTLE OF WINE during the party, thus (hopefully) eliminating any chance of me doing something stupid. Well, I will probably will do something stupid, but at least I will know that it is stupid and probably enjoy it.

Long live the weekend.

Hell is 9 hours of work

Damn am I tired! So very, very tired. Too tired. Yesterday I worked. it was hell. For about three hours, the cafe was packed. Packed full. Of crazy coffee drinker, making sounds at me and expectiong me to understand what they were saying. I couldn't sit down. I couldn't rest. The horde of crazies just kept comming, and comming, and comming.
And after my shift I still had to go into town and pay for a ticket to 'Death of a salesman' so that I would not faill my course. I am seeing the show tonight. The essay is due tommorow. I don't particularly like the play. I think it is boring and overladen with 'meaning'. What I really want to see in the theatre is a play that is like a Arnold movie. Two minutes of plot set up, then an hour and a half of pyrotecnichs, bad dialouge and guns. I can't be bothered with all this 'thinking' malarky.
Last night, my portfolio from the creative writing workshop I did was returned to me, complete with comments. I drank some wine to ease the pain. I still have a lot of work to do before I can start making money. So much work to do. The stories will proably have to become twice as long. Damn and stuff. But I passed the course, so credit towards my degree and so forth.

Lots of tutorials today, but for now I am going to go do the crossword. No Im not, I left it at work. Now I am going to sit. I like sitting.

Corrections

After seeing my previous post, on of my COUNTLESS legions of fans has informed me that, implied in my last post, was the idea that I was the absolute god of milk drinking, and that this was wrong. Now, because I feel that all four of my fans... I mean, every fan in the COUNTLESS BILLIONS that read this page are worth more to me than great big jugs of cider, I shall print this correction:
Yes, I bought two litres of milk, but no, I did not finish it all by myself. I had help, and some went into making the cheese sauce. And some went on my weet-bix in the morning. I am not the milk drinking god. I am a wimpy n00b of milk drinking. I cannot handle my milk, especially not 'full cream' that only the truly awesome drink.

So, now that that unpleasant business is out of the way, allow me to report on what has happened to me today! Not alot. went to work, went to my first class in about a month, had my first beer since sunday, and only had one, and didn't even have to pay for it, which I was glad of , because eastside has doubled the price of their jugs. doubled. Made twice as expensive. For tui. $12 a jug. For tui. Jug. Dollars. Twelve of them. So much. Too much.
Well, sorry eastside, but I don't think I will be boozing at your establisment any longer. You have been a good freind to me over the past years, but now I think it is time for me to part with your greedy, money sucking ways. Why must satan invade everything I hold dear?

It's all satan's falt. Or perhaps it's Gods. Why, for example, de he have to cast Satan to the depth of hell? Couldn't he have just had a time out? Grounded for a week, perhaps? But no, God had to fuck it up for all of us. Way to go dude.

SATAN!

scooter boi!

LOL and OMG! Boy howdy is all this living stuff tyring. I definately get enough sleep, but I am still tired! Bloody hell! Perhaps it has something to do with the six hour shift I just worked. Nah.
Anyway, my weekend was so very productive. After getting doubled on a scooter to my friends house (and let me tell you, having you feet dangled an inch form the ground while going uphill at 25k is no ride for the faint of heart) I have had alot of milk. I then hocked some books and bought some more milk. Ahh, milk. You make my bones strong and my bowels constipated. But there are worse things.
But I have something to tell you! Guess how much beer I had over the weekend! Two! Not two litres, kegs or stomach pumpings! No! Just two pints of beer. Over three days. Damn I'm good. Take that liver cancer1 I shall not submit to your juicy goodness as easilly as you expected! I will fight on!

Viva La Flan!

Thats right! IM STILL ALIVE!

whoo, been a while since I have updated. Sorry to all those who check this thing daily to make sure I am still alive, but I just haven't had the time. This week has been twenty different shades of hell (now including shading-to-peach avocado!), but at least I have come out of it better than when I went in.
Considering the fact that I went into this week unable to eat anything other than cheese, this might not be considered a huge improvement. but I take victories when I can get them.
Sooo.... this week I have drunk, danced, thrown up, worked, sang, been counceled and spat out two mediocre essays. All of these activities went pretty well, but only if you consider the goal of throwing up to be 'to throw up more'. But no, I am feeling pretty good about things, the counceling session actually went pretty well, which was good because I had some doubt. But now I fell my life is going in a better direction thanks to govenment funded healt services and the peice of advice I will now forever remember as 'The Sysiphus Metaphor.'
Well, now that I have survived this week, I think I should go and see some of my freinds and get on the milk. And no, 'milk' is not a eupamism for 'dangerous amounts of alcohol'. No, I actually mean the white stuff that comes from cows.

Go the calcium binge!

ughhhh...

so. I haven't posted in a little while. What have I been doing?
Well, on saturday my friend had a party for his twenty first. We drank lots of cocktails. a good night was had by all. On sunday, I hung around his house drinking all the left over booze, because I am harder to get rid of than a verruca. Last night, I threw up lots. my body is pain and my brain is not working good. I have essays due in on thursday and friday.

Off to see the councerlor.

End of the golden weather.

Oh well, tonight is my last night of eating all the food of my parents and staying up untill 1:30 watching cartoons. Tommorow I go back to wellington.
I have had a good time here. Got some reading done, got some eating done, got some meeting done, got absolutly nohomework done. But thats ok. I'll get it done on time. Either that, or I shall break under the stress and run through the libary reciting the complete works of shakespheare until they take me down with tranqualisers. You know who 'they' are. The C.E.V.E.
Anyway, the next couple of days are action packed! Tommorow my mother and sister acompany me to wellington, just for the hell of it really, with my new TV, box of fruit, shelf full of books and a cusion (thank you grandma and granddad!), and then I have to go to work to learn how to use the new tills. Because I am sure it will be so difficult. It's just a till people! It's not like we are launching the next mars probe! All I do is scold people with coffee and then drink!
I love my job.
On Saturday, however, my good friend of many years is having his 21st birthday party. This year is an interesting one for me, because all my friends, including me, turn 21. Anyway, what makes this 21st extra special happy drunk good is that apparently, somehow, nigh impossible though it may seem, I have attracted the eye of a lady. Indeed. Someone has finally been able to get past the fuzzy countanence and the frequent drunkeness to see the true man beneath! And apparently she has seen me drunk (which may account for my not knowing exactly who she is), and anyone who is ok with a crazied and drunken flan is fine by me. Of course, I still have to get that whole 'too socially inept to speak to person / too drunk to keep pants on' ballance thing right. The luck I shall need. May karma be with me.

Llama's are great. And two 'L's? What were they smoking?

Squashed, painfull and bleeding chilli.

Woo, what a day! Ever tried to find out how much punishment you can inflict unto your body during one day? Well, I just have! Today was filled with disturbing and painfull experiances, those of which I will now recount to you. Because I have nothing better to do. Everyone is watching 'Bones'. I wnat to be watching 'All grown up', the cartoon where all the rugrats kids have grown up and are now going through the pains of adolescance! Today, Tommy had his first kiss! Ahh, I remember the days... Or I would, but I was drunk at the time.
Anywhoo, that was an interesting segway, wasn't it? But today I played squash. I had a game of squash on Monday, if you remember, and I still had not recovered from it. So today I decided to add injury to injury, and put my aching limbs through the rigours of sport! I quite like sport, it's just that I don't do it often, and so when I do compete I am reduced to a stiff and hobbled old man, complete with groans and mistrust for the young.
One of the fun things about being alone in a house is cooking for yourself. This isn't so much fun if you dont know how to prepare food. Today I had nachos for luch, and decided to make my own relishy stuff! It worked Ok, so you shold all try it too!
Flan's Relishy Nacho Topping Stuff Recipe!
Take a tomato. Put it in a bowl.
Add some Sweet Chilli Sauce.
Add some Garlic.
Add some Peas.
Add some Cauliflower. Mine had been cooked.
Microwave.
You should proably puree it, but I had no puree machine, so I mushed it with a fork.
If it looks a bit mushy, add some flour. And perhaps some soy sauce. I don't know why the soy sauce, but it tasted good .
Microwave more.
Eat.
I swear to god that it tasted fine. And with all the vegies in it, it makes you feel less guilty about simply eating cheese flavoured chips with cheese topping.
But my day doesn't end there! No, I went to visit the blood suckers. It had been about two years since I had donated blood, mostly because the last time it happened I fainted. so I was kinda anxious about having my life juices stoled this time round. But my mother made me.
I don't like needles. I don't like blood. It's alright for my mother, she likes the blood .shes a nurse. She watches not only grapic medical dramas, but also graphic crime series. I watch cartoons. Lots or cartoons. I wish life was like the cartoons. As far as I know cartoons don't have to give blood. Did you know they take 10% of your blood? Thats like, 300 mls of blood I will never get back! But on the plus side, they gave me all the biscuts, because they were packing up, and I was a poor student.

I love karma.

Multi media RAGE!

Today I watched a recap episode of 'Desperate Housewives.' What they should really call the show is 'CRAZY FUCKIN HOUSEWIVES AND THE CRAZIES AROUND THEM.' Because when I am in wellington I do not have a TV that works, I have not seen any substansial amount of TV for about two months. And yes, I am one of those people who get ridiculously hooked to TV programs. Scrubs, for example. But when you have been out of the loop for awhile and then have all the crazy condensed and fed through your veins intraveiniously, it starts to seem a little strange. How can anyone truly beleive a plot line like that? My old english teacher used to talk alot about shakesphere and the 'suspension of disbelief' that the audience needed to keep while watching a play like 'Romeo and Juliet', but a plot in which two kids meet, marry, sex and die in five days is nothing compared to most of what is on TV these days. Lost, for example. Show that to some Elizabethans and they would stone you. For some reason it has now become accepted to pile absurdity upon absurdity, murder upon murder, plot twist upon polt twist, and call it a 'story'. And it is accepted. Sure, this is fine in a comedy, like the simpsons or scrubs, wher certain rules are automatically thrown out the window, but we have to draw the line somewhere, right?
And we need to kill reality TV.

I have run out of things to download. I just don't have a big enough music knowledge base .Other people introduce me to music. I hardly ever find it on my own. Perhaps it is because I don't own a radio. But that isn't my fault. I don't own a radio because radio stations are crap. Nine songs in a row? That would be fine, Mr. Radio, if these weren't the same nine songs that were playing four months ago. as far as I am aware, new songs ARE comming out all the time. Mix it up a bit! Stop, Stop please God STOP playing that stupid Audioslave song all the fucking time, every fucking morning. It ruined my morning coffee three months ago, it certanly doesn't make it nice and rosy now. And the hour blocks of commercials between song blocks? Also not cool. Very not cool.
So we need to kill all radio people too. Especially the breakfast crews. Joke about frozen poo? Don't want to hear it. How about a stupid quiz? I don't want to think just after I have arisen. False and Falsetto laughter? My, why don't I just drive these here toothpicks into my ears and then go have a frontal lobotomy? THE RESULT IS THE SAME!

So yes, I hate all media. Unfortunately, this means I am completly out of touch wit the world. But it's a price I am willing to pay.

Cricket

I am guessing alot of people may not know this, because I have kept it under the rug, in the closet and in various pits in the garden as much as I can. This thing, that will surprise alot of you, is that I am, actually, a raving spots lunatic.
This is why i look forward to winter, and to summer, and in fact all the seasons. In winter I believe there is no better pursuit than lying wrapped up in a duvet with a pizza and a 24 pack of Tui and watch the Ab's play the Aussies or the South African's, and in the summer I am quite content to while the day away in a pub or on a enbankment watching the cricket. And this is why, at 12:40am, I am awake watching the live coverage of the Black caps vs. South Africa test match, 2nd day.
Now, even though I may be bored and starved of freindship, usually I would still refrain from broadcasting my sports knowledge over the net. But today I am appaled. I am appaled that Jacob Oram and Daniel Vettori have scored more runs in their partnership than all the top oder batsmen put together. Hang on, one or two of you cricket illeterates might say, 'I know the name Vettori, (and some might even know Oram), aren't they good cricketteers?' Yes, they are good. They are good bowlers. Not batsmen. And there is a big difference. It isn't simply just swinging a woody clum at a ball. The fact that bloody flemming still hasn't managed to get more than 19 runs the last five times ive seen him is crazy. Bloody hell.
And Vettori just brought up his half-century.

Anyway, finally! I got a strawpeoplesong downloaded! Now Playing: Sweet as the Punch, by the bloodhound gang! Yay!

Strawpeople

Why, why don't we have broadband? This is the only place where I can download music without infecting my freinds hard drives and without fear of the Virtual Enforcers of Copywright Enfringment (V.E.C.E. for short) comming down on me. But no, can I get any strawpeople songs? No of course not. I'm sorry, but the album that costs $15 in Real Groovy's bargan bin is just too far beyond my budget right now. I could download it at the uni like that, but I wouldn't be able to take it anywhere and everyone knows the VECE are all over places like that anyway. Last week someone was busted in the libaray. Their computer went dark and the tech guys came over and took her away, but we all knew it was VECE. Scary, huh?

Anyway, flights into paranioa excluded, cartoon network has been playing nothing but fosters home for imaginary freinds all day. All of it. I think there was an hour where 'The grim adventures of billy and mandy' was playing, but the rest of it is fosters. And repeats too. damn. but I have nothing to watch untill the wrestling comes on at 1am. So I suppose I'll just have to suck it up.

Tommorow, I am playing a game of squash with my grandmother. This will go well. For her. It will be another defeat for me in the long line of squash defeats. When she got married she said she would quit squash when one of her daughters was able to beat her on the squash court. Then it was when one of her grandchildren could beat her. Now the bet is 'Look, Flan, if you can't beat me by the time im seventy then we'll both give up, alright?' So I have four more years. but I get taken to lunch and a movie afterwards, so thats good. The movie has Judy Dench in it. Whew, if Judy were fifty years younger...Ahem.

Today was easter. hope you had a good one. Don't eat too much chocolate before bed. It makes you have bad dreams where your friends physcotic father knocks you and your friends out and ties you up with duct tape and puts you all in boxes with enough food for a day.

Because chocolate is Satan.

Mah jong

Whoo, I got myself a Mah Jong set! It's cool! now all I need to do is decipher the near incomprhensible directions and learn how to play. And find three other people to tourture... I mean "learn" with me. Cause boy howdy is it complicated. The four winds and the wriggly dragons and imperial jades and don't even get started on how you are supposed to score the damn thing. Its like a crazy cross between poker, rummy, snap and crazy. Lots of crazy. But fun!

Anyway, at the moment I am using the internet. I wish I had broadband. I am downloading music, but don't know the right names for what I want to download .This makes it extra special fun! And icannot get on messenger. Because this computer is retarded. Retarded like a fox. so I cannot even ask the people who know what the songs are called what the songs are called. Blah.

At least Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends is on. It eases the pain. The pain of the fox .

Temporial warp.

Well, I am now back in Waipuk. There are several diffences between Waipukurau and Wellington, but when you are situated in one for any amount of time you forget just how different the other is. And the biggest difference is time.
After your four hour journey though the undulating coutryside of new zealand, up the east coast and through a number of towns which shouldn't really exist, like Shannon, except that people have to drive through them to get to other places, I always find that I have carried a little bit of wellington in whatever vehicle I am traveling in. Like in a plane, where they shut you in and recycle the air, comming round Pukeora hill into waipuk is like opening the plane door for the first time. Your comfortable, compact little peice of whatever place you came from is sucked out into nothing and you are hit full on by the climate of whatever place you happen to be in. Sometimes the climate is hot, sometimes the climate is cold. In Waipuk the climate is Boredom.
Time travels at half speed in waipuk. In welly time has to compact itself to get between the buildings, but in waipuk it just spreads the fuck out and says 'nope, Im not going nowhere fast.' And, because it's waipuk, it then says 'ow bro.'
I kinda like it. It is nice to just sit around in a place where it is not always raining, and vegetate for a little while. The big shock, of course, happens when you step off the bus in welly.

so what have I been doing for the last couple of days? No doubt you have been missing the witty recount of my every waking moment. Well, let me tell you! I went to Tussock bar, the massey bar, and drank too much. Because it was $5.50 a jug. Thats alot of booze, for not much money. Then on friday, I was hungover. This is surprising. i haven't been hungover in a little while. So I went out for a walk, to clear me head, and buy avocardo and tomatoes for my toast. Now, some of you may know this, but I did not, but there is nothing open on Good Friday. Nothing, except Mr. Bun's. Crazy. So i had food there. But wellington without the shops is a very different town. There are still quite alot of people around, but, instead of being roudy, runnning talking or just drunk, they are all asleap. All over the place. I went for a walk along the waterfront, and there were people just sleeping all over the place. It was really cool. Everone just laxed out, enjoying the sun .

Do any of you beleive that the supermarkets should be open on the easter holidays? I don't. Let them have the day off. Sure, I was annoyed that I couldn't get my tomatoe or an avocardo, but fuck it. Everyone was just having a good time, sleeping all over the place. In fact, we should close down everything on a easter holiday . Mr. Bun's, the petrol station, everything. We can all buy some food on thusday and have a picnic on fri, and the nall seista in the sun. Because to see all those people just realxing the day away was amazing.

We all need a break sometime. And its much more fun when everyone is breaking with you.

bogger bogger bogger!

Yup, not much happening here. Just had to go to civic video to get my Tekken 5 back, because I accidentally gave it to them when I returned the twenty Neon Genisis Evangelion Dvd's thaty were due back. Oh well.
Tonight I go to the Massey bar 'Tussock' with a few mates. Why? Because today is the last day for massey students. Drinking aplenty, and their beer is cheaper than ours too. Unfortunately my 'im a writer' stint doesn't work so well with the massey ladies. Because people at massey don't read. Never.
Ah well. Tommorow Spasm arrives in welly (proably) and then this weekend I am going home for about four days, to eat food, then I come back to welly for a 21st, then there are assignments. Lots of assignments. Allt he assignments I have never hoped for.

So much fun, and then so many assignments. Sigh.

average

nothing spoecial happening today! Nope, nothing at all. Just up at uni to have some kai and read a bit of Hemmingway, and thats about it really.
No strange dreams to report, no interesting thoughts, I'm just acting on auto right now, before I actually start my essays. Lalala.
How much do we rely on other people for support? even me, a self made hermit, cares deeply about what other people think about me. Just hearing another person call muy name in a crown, weather it be intended for me or not, is enough to set my heart racing. No matter what I am doing, it seems like my body is geared for other people.
The sad thing about this, however, is that I don't seem to have the social skills to actually pull of a decient conversation anymore, let alone start one up. Especially small talk. God i hate small talk. Unless i am really familiar with someone I just cannot keep it going.
Other Person: Hey, how's your day been?
Me: Oh, pretty good. Youself?
OP: Yeah. Nothing to complain about.
Me: ...
OP: So, I heard you have a job now.
Me: Yup.
OP: How is it?
Me: well, you know, pretty good.
OP: Good.
Me: ....
OP: ....
Me: well, I have to go...over here now.
And thats it. I am sure that I am supposed to find something to say in those little blank spaces of conversation, but I end up wondering weather the topics that I would introduce into the conversation would be actually worthwile or.. right? Damn, got no words at the moment.

See Ya. Gotta go... over there.

Speed pool

Well, I was just having a game of speed pool with a workmate, and after the experiance decided that I would have to share it with all of you.

Speed pool is one of those spots on par with wobbly leg chair racing (where you race chairs with plastic legs down a hall bysitting on them and rocking from side to side, similar to chair rodeo), Hostel caving (where you try and burrow underneath all the debree of a room to find your bed) and office chair ten pin (needs 11 chairs set up like a boling alley. For extra fun, be on the chair as it is 'bowled'!).

In speed pool, the white ball is not allowed to stop. as a result, you end up racing around a table, sinking as many of your opponents ball as your own. Fun times in taho indeed. For extra fun, try using only one pool cue, pasing it back and forth between you! This elevates pool from a quiet, dignified spot to one that is athletic, and in some instances, a contact spot.

Fun!

FULL

ITS FULL! THE LIBARY IS FULL! What the hell are all these people doing here? It's the first monday of the holidays, people! It's not like your assignments have to be in today or anything! This should be a time for rest and relaxation and booze and boozeation!

So yeah, here I am, on thefirst monday of the holidays, getting a head start on my next two assignments. What have I turned into? A student? well, I have always been a student, but now I find that I am a student in the actuall 'I do work and hand it in on time even though im in third year I stil can't spell for shit' kind of student. But the strange thing is that I haven't had to lessen my workload to become the new and improved Flan: Super student. No. I still drink heavilly, go out for parties, watch dvd's and even have a job. To use a popular colloqual expression: WTF?

Yes. WTF. WTF indeed. Bloody crazies.

In other news, me good friend comes to welly in four days! (I think) Yay! Gotta start making some new magic decks!

Because I am a nerd.

Le Carnage

French? I don't really know...

Anyway, last night, and all that ensured. To my great surprise, I didn't get too drunk make a fool of myself and then coma out in a park untill my drinking buddies called me a taxi. No, this time it was someone else who did that. Nor, however, did I ask hot chick out on a date. But that was ok. I drank alot of Gennius, spent alot of money, walked around with people untill 2am reciting poetry and talking about the mechanics of love, then watched about half of the 'English Patient' drinking coffee and eating biscuts and then went home for three hours of sleep in preperation for work.

and all is good in the world. I have my Joy back.

I don't know how it happened, but today I am joyful again. Life is bliss. So good did I feel that even though I was slightly hungover I decided to do an extra two hours at work, just to help out. There is alot to be joyful for, and I am 'digging' it. i have also been reading too much Jack Keuroac. And I am enjoying it some good.

This weekend I do not think I will do much. I have been invited to a party, but I am thinking that staying in bed and watching movies is a better idea. Also, I really don't have enough money to party successfully. sorry guys, I am sure your party will be fine anyway. I would have proably blown chunks all over your carpet.

I haven't thrown up in a year, by the way.

Geeky, geeky in-text referancing.

Busy busy I have been. Yesterday I had all the work, the nine hours of it, and today I have just finished helping out not just at the cafe but also at functions. At the Vic Law campus. Bloody lawers! They actually have tea and scones in their lectures/ tutorials! And poor smoes like me are paid to clean up after them! Well, I suppose the joke is on them, for they have to pay ridiculous prices for their course and their tea! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Idiots.

Anyway, tonight is a big night. The creative writing group is getting back together for catch up drinks. This is a big thing for two reasons: a) I will have someone to drink with, and writers as a group tend to enjoy the drinkies, and b) a certain girl (see 'Valentines idea of a joke', Feb 14th) that I have not had the courage to text for sometime (see 'This txt is for your Love', Feb 27th) will be there. The problem is, of course, a) trying not to seem like a complete idiot while quietly trying to ingnite the torch of passioon that never actually existed and b) Not getting depressed and submiting my body to the tourtures of alcohol to get over it, end result being me making a complete idiot of myself, proably naked (see MY LIFE).

so yeah, there be a strong possiblity that I will look like an idiot.

In other news, me good time buddy Spasm (go see his site! The link is just over there -> ) is comming to wellington soon and we shall be able to catch up and do all the geeky things we do, which is mainly talk about movies and play Magic. So tell me when you are comming down dude, so I can plan me holidays! Yes, I know you read this!

Ummm, yeah. Got me some tutorials today. Hopefully get some more marks back. Cause I got an 'A'. Ohh Yeah.

ohh yeah!

Who be saying I cannot drink and still function as a human being? Well, today I got my first assignment back. I got an 'A' baby! Ohh yeah! This is only my second 'A' mark I have received, so I s teh good happy. I was even 300 words short of the limit! HAHA! take that! Ohh yeah. Excuse me, but this is just going to be a post exhalting myself.

in other news, I have a drinks outing to go to with all the fiction workshop people, and perhaps some of the poetry people as well. Hurrah! Social drinking! so much more rewarding than drinking in bed watching billy connoly! Although that was pretty good too.

Oh well, off to eastside to read about how cool I am.

Teh problems

This weekend should have been one of the most enjoyable in living memeory. On thursday, a package arrived from my auntie in the states that contained all sorts of easy to prepare and get fat from delicasies only foun in the USA, and on friday I finished off my last essay for a month, had ONE jug of tui at eastside, which I often find pretty difficult, had a good go at the crossword in the Dom post, went to town with my monies, had roti chanai, the tastiest spicy foodthing around and then spent $13 hiring out DVD's and I bought a book. The DVD's were:
Beserk, vol 5: the bloodiest anime around with funny outtakes
Trigun 3 + 7: I can watch this one out of order because I have seen them all before
Evangellion 1 + 2: Everyone knows Evangellion. Apart from me.
Billy connoly 200?: I forget what year it was, but Billy still funny.
And Scrubs, season three, my favorite TV seris ever.
Who wouldn't be happy with that? Sitting in bed, eating popcorn and Drinking Pepsi Max (To the EXTREEME! No, honestly, it doesn't taste too bad) all day. All of it.
But I had made one fatal error. Scrubs: Season three, while being really, really funny, is also hell depressing. That is because I have decided I am J.D., the main character of the show if you haven't seen Scrubs (SHAME!). Except for one or two differences, that I shall detail here,we are EXACTLY the same.
The diffences are:
J.D has:
- cooler hair than mine,
- better body,
- a kick arse soundtrack for his life,
- a job that doesn't make him want to strangle people,
- freinds who don't live a) up a mountain or b) in auckland
- a stuffed dog called 'rowdy' (mine is called Max and now lives in Japan)
- the ablity to fall over and not get hurt
- something to live for
- and, this is the most importaint one, for the whole of season three J.D. was sad because he had a woman who wanted to go and have sex with him all the time, but the woman he wanted to sex was sexing another man, but when J.D. asked the one he wanted to sex to stop sexing other people and sex him instead, she did and then he decided that he no longer wanted the sex.

And we are supposed to feel sorry for him.

Well, I'm sorry, Mr. J.D, but I have not had sex, nor anyone in my bed, for a year. I have not woken up next to anyone, not had a hug, no kiss, not even really been in a position to worry about these things happening to me, because although I think I am a decient example of humanliness, noone has show ANY inclination to do anyhting like that with me. In fact, the only person who has show any inclination towards anyhting like that lives 15,000 km away, and although we have broken up, this is still unlikely to change at any near juncture. So you can take your cool hair and 'oh my god I've got too much woman to know what to do with' attitude and just FUCK OFF.
so then I went out and bought myself a bottle of wine with the last of my money because, apparently, the only way I know how to deal with life is to drown it. That is why I am getting a counceling appointment. Goddamn. Goddamn indeed.

Here we go again.

Public Humiliation

Last night I went to the bar. NOO! put down your stones! It was for a good cause!! And besides. I only had two jugs. Pretty good, huh?
Anyway, the good cause was that there was a trivia night, with the first prize being a $50 bar tab. ARH! Your stones hurt so much! Anyway, I was in a team all by myself, because I have noone in this world. They all went to 'Brooklyn', which is another word for that viking hevan place, and 'Auckland', which is another term for hell. Because I don't actually keep up to date with current affairs beyond attempting the crosswords in the Dom Post, I came last. But for my trouble I won:
3 Tui Tee-shirts,
3 Cans of Pesi max (Extreem to the MAX!)
3 False mostaces
and a frizbee disc.

My team name was POOS. Some people were stupid and dind't look at the board before they put up their name, so they were 'poos' as well. And crap.

Anyway, this weekend, I am going to tidy my room. This will proably take all weekend, as it smells like poos. So I have to wash everything, EVERYTHING, and dry it and find a new place to hide the babie corpses. It will not be an easy job. The lettuce men watch the house like hawks. I am sure they are stealing my fecal matter....

Well, wasn't that a disturbing tangent? Thats what reading too much T.S. Eliot does to ya. I just finished my essay, and I always find that concentrating for shuch a long period of time such as writing an essay makes me go something. Shopping? Don't mind if I do!

Civic Video, here I come!

corrupt, dishonest criminals.

Yesterday, as I was obluting, I noticed that someone had put a labour party sticker on the stall door. underneath it, In biro, someone had written 'corrupt, dishonest crminals.'
This surprised me, not because of the statement, which may well be true, but firstly because it was spelt correctly (even with the number of students around it is very rare to find any corectly spelt desk/ toilet wall scrawl. Ecept in Von zedlits, where some of the Engl lecturors actually go around and correct it.) but also because I thought it was a bit of an overkill. Corrupt AND dishonest? Surely the two go hand in hand? Can you imagine a corrupt official that WASN'T dishonest?
"Yes, I did take the bribe. No, wait scratch that, thats no what I meant to say... I mean, Yup, I took the bribe and then turned a blind eye to that child pornography ring that I, in fact, had set up, so it wasn't really a bribe it was more like taking a bit of money and promising not to shoot myself in my own foot. It was a kickback of my own disgusting scheme. Damnit, I really should try to be less honest If I am going to be so corrupt."
See? Don't work to well, does it?

So anyway, that is the story of the most amusing crap I ever took.

In other news, at the moment I am PROCRASTINATING! Procrastination is one of those dirty little habits that are so addictive, and to date it is even more expesive than a crack habit, for if you take crack you wake up in a couple of days $200 poorer, but if you procrastinate too much you wake up tommorow, find out you have been dropped from your course, and now owe the government $1000. So I had better get onto me T.S.Eliot essay, then shouldn't I?

Yes, yes I should. At least this time I am making a reallly good go at it. I am using reasources

oh, wed nes day ies

Bloddy hell have I been burning both ends of the candle this week. In fact, I think someone has been holding a lighter up to my waxy middle part just for a laugh.
Well, the joke is on you, isn't it, Mr. Pyro? Because I survived 9 hours of work!
Yes! Put that in your pipe and somke it! And I hope you get toung cancer.

Now i am going to go home to bed. Sweet, evil smelling, sweaty bed.

Oh bloody blah.

I need more sleep, goddamn it! Last night I had to help someone with a filmy thing, and I didn't get home until 12:30. To top it off, I only got four hours sleep. FUCK! unfortunately, I have an essay that I have to write today. Have to. I have five hours today, and five hours on thursday to blat out 2000 words at a level that is ok for 3rd year. It isn't going to be too easy, considering my mind juices at the moment.
In other news, all of you who are worried about my drinking 'habit', that it might cause 'cancer' and eventually 'death', I say, COMEON!! No honestly, I am giving it a break for a little while. After last weekend, I think I need to. so I is going to try to no drinky drink all this week, but next week, I am going on a BINGE!
Yup, to try and change my habits, my freinds have decided that I should binge. Binge on MILK! Next week, my goal is to drink as much milk each day as I would usually do beer. So that is about 3 litres of milk every day. It should help replenish all that precious calcium I have lost due to vitaman leeching alcohol. And then I am going to write it all down and send it to salient.

Anyway, no more procrastination, gotta go read some T.S. Eliot. He was a man with his head screwed on right.

The bubble has burst.

It has finally happened. My run of happyness has ofically ended. I knew it was going to happen at some stage, I had just hoped it wouldn't. I have been trying to stay drunk in an effort to ease myself back into depression town, but sometime very soon am going to sober up, and the whole of life in complete and utter focus will come down upon me like so many heavy square things.
There have been some things that I have been wondering about. One thing really, and that thing is women. What do they think about all the time? How do they operate? Why, when I woke up this morning, was I not hugging one?
It is one thing to feel all empty inside, like you have been hollowed out somehow. It's where your soul should be. People call that feeling 'life'. But it is quite a different feeling to wake up and know that you are completly alone outside also. All that you want is a little bit of contact with another human, the warmth of a hug, and a like mind ot talk to.
But it isn't happening for me. Nothing is comming together, and companionship eludes me. Is it too much to ask, God? Of course, he doesn't know. He has as much trouble talking to people as I do.

Hmm. That be some depress. Oh well. Till next time.

How many?

How many times can I type 'holy shit' as a title to me blog? How many drinks did I have last night? How long was I dancing with the broom? These are questions that I do not have awnsers for. Yesterday was a 20 hour fetival celebrating booze, booze and booze. And sleaze. So much Sleaze. I was Sleaze king . I am sorry to all those people who I sleazed on. But I enjoyed it. I think. I cannot actually remember five hours of last night. That is the new record for a blackout for me. Usually I can remember pretty much every thing that goes on while I am drunk, but untill I saw the pictures this morning I did not know that I had stripped down to my boxers and played 'scare the guy with the shitty music by any means possible' for an hour.
So how much did I drink last night? Only god knows. I woke up yesterday at 8am, and I did not go to sleap until 8am today. All of that time, all of it, was dedicated to drinking. I had :
Six crate bottles of tui
Six cans of tui
Six glasses of a very alcoholic punch
Six shots of absinthe
Six hundred ml of jack daniels and coke.
Six was the number of the hour. I proably drank more than that, but I simply cannot remember. I am still drunk now, at fuckin pm. Life is so very good, and I love you all. Have fun.

Signing off, Drunken Flan.

Fuck yes friday.

damn am I pleased that the week is over. Thank all that is mighty. Today, work was bum. I was a little hungover from last nights 7 jug fest, and it was kinda busy. Also, for some reason, all the complete jack off decided to come in and order their jack off coffee.
Person 'I'd like a mazipini'
Me 'What the fuck is that?'
Person 'Well, if you don't know then I won't tell you'
Me 'Fine. Want any thing else?'
Person 'Yes, this.'
Me 'Sorry I can't see what "this" is. It's behind the till.'
Person 'THIS!' Waves coke in front of my face 'It's coke! You know, C.O.K...'
Me 'Get the fuck out of my cafe. Go now. Fuck off. Just fuck off.'
I got in quite a lot of trouble for that one.

Anyway, I got my extension yesterday, so tonight I am off to my freinds house. They said they wern't drinking. If they think that will stop me, however, then they... well, they should know better. I know them for yonks.

Now it's time to stop procrastinating and do an assignment. It's due at five.

Shock Horror!

I missed a post! Wow, how long has that been! Now the events of yesterday will be forgotten forever! Well, since it consisted on nine hours of work, I don't think it shall be missed.
Yesterday I got paid. $260 sweet sweet dollars. Sweet. I have $190 left. Sigh. Oh well, we know what will help that, now don't we? Beer. Damn straight.
But today I have to write an assignment, for it is due tommorow. I have done 2/3 of it, so that should not be too difficult. But I have to appy for an extention for my essay due on tuesday. Mainly because of the party that is happening oon saturday. because I am expected to be there. Because a party with out an absenthe drinking, pantsless Flan is not really a party at all.
I hopes I get it.
Well, gona have lunch now. The moment of truth happens at 1pm today. And then the Eastside happens.

Silent wind of doom attack!

Alright, so I don't get paid today. I get paid tommorow. Damn. I spent my last $7 on tui last night, and the freind who I always meet on tuesday, and proably the only person who reads this, wanted to borrow money from me. so I have no money. He has no money. we just sat around having no money together.
Well, work happened this morning. some deal really. Yes sir, coffee for you. Give me money, ect. except, today a girl who I have only talked to once before decided to spen a good half hour with me in aimless chatter, unlike most other people who decide that it would be beter to run away/ gouge own eyes out/ watch re-reuns of 'Barney' rather than talk to me. Ah, Barney. He's still funny. Because he's purple. And purple means you are gay.
So I have a bottle of wine at home, which I will proably hit once I get there, but at the moment I still have an hour and a half to kill. Usually I would be at eastside, preparing for the theatre tutorial that I have at four, which is UTTER HELL if you are sober. Yes, all sorts of brain numbing stupidity goes on in a theatre tutorial. So it helps if you have numbed your brain up a bit first.
Other than that, life be good. I will go home tonight and drink as I cook myself some dinner, which is the most fun ever. I don't know why, but I really enjoy it when I drink and fry. Wasn't there some sort of add campain against that? Proably, but really, there are more pressing things that need to be addressed through the medium of TV. Like people who like decaf coffee. They need bricks.

Oh, I wish I was a ninja. I would silent wind them sooo bad.

Another weekend, another drunken experiance.

Friday was st. Patricks day. You know that holiday about that saint that nowone knows what he did, perhaps because of all the drinking. I had forgotten about it, but by sheer luck had decided to wear a green shirt anyway. KARMA RULES!
So I set about the long and complicated process of drinking. First went to eastside, got drink. Then to Bodega, Got drunker. Then To kitty o'shae's. This is where the fun started.
There was a live band there, and there was no que to get inside. This was amazing, but it was five o'clock. I had fun dancing to the band, pretty much by myself, but as I said, I was drunk. Drunk, like having heaps of money, means you don't have to worry about much. Then I fell in love.
Ginneus. (I really have to learn how to spell this.) Ginnues, with a rasberry shot. The way my granddad has it. This is the drink of kings. It is wonderful. It is smooth, it is flavoured, it is 6% alcohol. I love it. I love it alot. When I have too much money to know what to do with, it is all I will ever drink.
But the fun don't stop til I drop, and I don't drop easily. I went out looking for a kebab, and instead found a salvation army caravan, giving away free stuff. No catches, just free coffee of juice. Briliance. I spent about half an hour there talking to the two very nice girls who were working the thing. Good times, good times. But it got better.
On the way to the Kebab place, a busker was playing a song I liked on his guitar. When he stopped I asked if he would let me play a set in return for a cig. He agreed, and the next half hour was great. I was too drunk to play anything really good, so basically stuck to Glycerine - Bush and Wonderwall - Oasis. And people gave me money! Ohh yeah! And said hey and crap! God bless you wellington, you all though I was a street bum. And you know, for one glourious half hour, I was.
Then I had a kebab and went home. The kebab was good.

In other news, on sunday I spent $50 dollars on groceries. I havent spent that much money on edibles since I have been in wellington. Avocardo is good. Then I spent $20 on wine. Wine is good. But I haven't drunken my two bottles yet. No. I am starting a wine celler. In my closet. Although I am proably going to have one bottle tonight. It is a Auzzie Shiraz that needs to be drunk, but the Merlot from Hawkes Bay can be kept for another year. Woo!

And tommorow I get paid. Does life get any better?
No. No it does not.

Buddah

You know, the last week has been one of the best of my life. I have been ridiculously happy. Tapping me fingers, listning to music, watching 22 episodes of scrubbs in bed while eating cookies, playing some good games of pool, drinking, working, getting drunk, eating, being drunk at work, doing some school work, doing some writing, doing some sleeping. It has been oh so very good.
Usually when I have a really good day, I know that a really bad day is just around the corner. But now, for five days solid, I have been happy. I have been glad to be alive. I have enjoyed the sun. I have enjoyed the rain. It just does not matter what happens, I can find away of going along with it, and even if it is something unfortunate, like blogger deciding suddenly that I could only type in ariabic (see yesterdays post title) I have been able to find a way of looking at it from the outside and laughing it away. Cause it was pretty funny. I fall over? To a casual passer by it must have been hilairous.
So I have come to a conclusion. I have obtained spiritial enlightenment.
yup. I am fuckin buddah. I am the dali lama, I am life incarnate. I am master of zen. Life is fucin great, and I have it inside me. Take the good with the bad. live life to the full. If I wan't to get drunk, great. Want to stay in bed all day? Great. I even want to go to school. &am is a great time to wake up. I am a bubbling fountain of life and energy, and I don't think it will go away.

I just hope my body lasts as long as my life does.

لإاثو صاشف فاث بعؤن؟

You know, the point of this blog is pretty much to record my life so that, because my memory is shot full of holes, I can remember it. Every now and then, however, I do something that I am not too sure about recording. like last night. Oh well, fuck it. The Immortal adventures of Flan live on! I hope my parents never find this.

As we all know, I am an alcoholic. It's fun, but it costs a fuck load of money. So last night, after I finished work, I picked up 18 bottles of Tui and went around to my freinds house. They live up a mountain. Ever tried carring 18 bottles of beer up a mountain? It helps if you drink them.
Anyhoo. Got there. Had a beer. What do I find? My freinds had won a fucin TUI FRIDGE. Its orange. It is godly. It is stocked with beer. We lit it from underneath anbd took photos. My resolve not to drink too much so that work might be bearable went out the window.
We went to town. We were drunk.
First stop- JJ Murphys, For some drunken pool.
Second stop- The big Kumera, for some drunken hitting on first years.
Third stop- shooters, more hitting on first years
Fourth stop- back to the kumera. Boy are we sad.
Fifth stop- Mermaids.
Now, if you don't know this, mermaids is a strip bar. All stripping, all the time. You kinda feel a bit, you know, dirty going into a place like that, but hey, it's not as though these people were forced into prostitution while fourteen or anything. So me and my two friends stayed untill 3am, drinking the night away. I... well, I got a lap dance. And you know, it was pretty good. Yup. Hey, I'm single. I can do these things. No law against it, is there?

Stop looking at me like that.

Bullet-points

-finsihed work

-going drinking

-going to town

-going back to work

-FUN!

nah, nah nah....

Whoo, another tuesday, and life is fine! Life is good, the sun is shining (or it was a moment ago...smoko time, perhaps.) Last night I was drunk, and that was good too. It was a freind of mine's 20th b-day, and so I turned up at her house with a bottle of vodka in my hand and two jugs of tui in my belly. We drank the vodka watching 'Bridget Jones' dairy'. I think someone should make a film about my blog. My crazy drunken antics would surely be a hit at the box office!
Because some people will watch anything.

Well, this morning I had work. And I was still slightly intoxicated. But the good kind of intoxication, the kind where even though you might have to think a little harder about what you are doing you don't mess up and it doesn't hurt, the kind of intoxication where your empty glass does indeed taste as good as the punch. So I got to talk to people and hang out and enjoy life and get paid for it. Getting paid is great. It will be even better when I actually get my first paycheck. Yum.
So now it is off for a quick pint or two, and then home. Tommorow is a big day of working, so I had better get some sleep. and beeer helps me sleep.

The title of this post means nothing whatsoever, by the way.

I'm a naughty boy

This morning, my 18+ card arrived. Now I can finnaly prove that I am over 18! The big fuck-off beard wasn't enough, apparently, but now I can go to bars.... sweet sweet bars. Where the drunk happens.
So I have done a bad thing. I got my overdraft extended by $500.
I SWEAR, I swear that once my first paycheck comes through I will pay it back and go back to my $1500 limit. I swear.
But now I have bought a $105 textbook which I sorely needed, and of course, a purchace like that needs a helpful jug of tui to let the nausea go away. Sweet sweet nausea.
But honestly, this week I am working from 8am every day and as I do not like serving double sout soy cappachino's to idiots while hung over, I will not be drinking too much.
This weekend, however, my good freinds who live up a mountain are having their 'official' flatwarming, this being about the third flatwarming that they have had. So I will surprise them all by turning up with my own alcohol purcased, by me. I am thinking that a visit from the pixie might be in order. And then I will go to town.

May the Pixie be with us, always.

ohh...

Last night I went drinking. Apparently I drank too much, because today there is no money in my account. Only enough to just pay the rent today. In fact, after today, I will be over overdrawn. This is a very difficult thing to do, in where you go over your overdraft limit, but not by enough for the bank to hit you with a $25 dishoner fee. Still, me budget is god damn tight. I will get some money next week so as I can pay next weeks rent and my insurance, and all should be just fine. But there is always the chance that Greenpeace will take mony out of my account to feed the whales, and then I will be fucked.

So fingers crossed guys.

This weekend I have to start my assignments. This process will be helped by the fact that I have no money to buy me the alcohol. Still, I am hoping to be able to tutor a guy who works at eastside in the mysteries of shakesphere in exchange for free beer. That would be good. But apart from that, my sober life starts now, and will proably last the better part of two weeks. I expect it to be like a horrible waking dream from which there is no escaping.

I am not sorry that I drank copiously laast night, however. Not sorry at all.

Soy FUCKIN mocca

Well, just finished off three hours of work this morning. Morning shifts are good, because it doesn't really get busy untill about an hour before I leave. Stupid coffee drinkers. I got asked for all sorts of ridiculous stuff today.
But now I have three hours of classes. At least I am sitting down in them. Me feet hurt.
And then, EASTSIDE! The bar staff have been worried about me. They haven't seen me in 24 hours... and I cannot dissapoint my bar staff. They are lost without me.

BEER!

First day.

Today was my first day at work. at the cafe. where in my last post, I said I was working. DOES ANYBODY READ THIS?
Anyway, I now work in a cafe. On campus. It is good, because it is not far away from where I sleep. It's good.
So I turn up there, and get the quick lowdown on what I am going to be doing. They said
Boss Person: 'Hey this is your till. You press these buttons.' Boss person made a quick hand guesture.
Me: 'Ummm...'
Boss person: 'Then you take tehre money. Money goes in here!'
Me: 'Oh, all right.'
Boss Person: And if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.'
Me:' Well, actually...'
But boss person had gone.
I had a few hours grace of looking at the till blankly and figuring things out in my head. Then it was 10am, and a horde of people came in. a hungary horde. All wanting food, but apparently, all unable to read.
Hungry Hoarde: HOW MUCH DO THIS COST?
Me: Im not sure, does it have a lable?
Hungry Horde: DO IT LOOK I BE READING IT! NOT PAID TO? HOW MUCH?
Me: Money? I'll just ask someone...'
Hungary Horde: ME FOOD NOW HURGH!
And so it went on, non stop, for about four hours, untill I point-blank kamehameha'd the next person who asked for a 'double trim soy latte bowl'. Unfortunately, that person turned out to be Brolly. All chaos ensured. Luckilly, at 3pm Neo arrived, beat the fuck out of brolly and made coffee. My saviour. And Harry Potter was arrested. But thats another rant.

But seriously, working wasn't too bad. I only have one 9 hour day, and any other time I have to work it is on;y for three hours. Next week I get to work 20 hours. By my calculation that means I will have A THOUSAND DOLLARS by next pay day.

Now I am off home to soak my feet in meths. Then I shall drink the meths. Then it all begins again.

The fourth sign of the apocolapse

I HAVE A JOB!
What, you say? Flan, a job? Flan, alcoholic extrodinare, gutter drunk and generally all round unreliable guy? Someone hired that bearded, evil smelling, good for nothing, spawn of bitches, gooey looking...
All right, you do not need to rub it in. But yes, it is true. after 2 years of SWEET FUCK ALL, I have returned to the giving people for money industry. YAY! I have ten hours of work on wednesday, and three on thursday. By my figuring, that comes to THIRTEEN BOTTLES OF WINE a week.
EXCUSE THE CAPS. Booze makes me excited. At this rate i might be abole to acheive my life's goal - enough money for a bottle of wine a night, AND enough for some food! Wow! I am a king! A god amoungst men! I wash dishes for a living!
I am so fucking celebrating at eastside tonight. Fuck my previous resolution, I copped out yesterday anyway.

My life becomes completed!

alcohol is a DRUG!

Today, to celebrate my desicion not to drink untill my 18+ arrives, I spent a bit of time at the ALAC website, finding out how much a drinking habit will cost me in the long term. Awnser - CANCER! Apparently, drinking gives you cancer, all aver the place.
And then I did a small 'Are you drinking too much' quiz. They told me I should be dead. Anyway...
So that is this weeks goal - no drinking, at all. I was going to make my weeks goal 'paint every one of my nails a different color', but it only took me one day. People are apparently very disposed to give a strange man their nail plolish.
Meanwhile, on saturday night...
I went to a party in NEWTOWN. I should know by now that NEWTOWN holds nothing but dissapointment. I had my cutomary bottle of wine and went off, carrying my back up bottle. The party didn't start of too badly, with fire works and stuff, but then there was a horde of first years.
Some things about first years:
1/They don't drink, but still seem to enjoy life, when we all know that this should not be the case.
2/ The alcohol they do buy is expensive. Twenty-four pack of Tattoo (a vodka and cranbreei RTD)? Fuck, that is about $35! I remember the time I used to care how my alcohol tasted, having bicardi and the like, but we soon grow out of that.
3/ When you steal their alcohol, they will case you! Most people don't care, or are too drunk, but when I tried to leg it with a bottle of Jack Daniels, the guy ran after me! My god, the speed! That didn't save him, however, because after 1/2 hour I went right back in their and nicked it again. HAH! I didn't like the guy, because he made stupid jokes.
So that was my night. The hangover was glorious, one of the best I have every had. No headache, no puking, just brilliant calm. I love my life.

The CRC COUNTDAWN is now over. I still have a little money left, but from now on I am pretty much scraping along as I always have done. JOY!

The fun resides within!

Last night i was, DRUNK! Yes, just like every night. But this time was a little difference. I had a few people to keep me company! Usually, while drinking, I keep to myself - extreemly to myself, projecting a little anti-social feild around me, as you do in lectures and so forth, and sit at an empth table bopping my head leasurly to the music and staring in my amber.
but last night there was a hypnotist who was very entertaining, and after the person who saw that with me left, another two people came and sat with me. These people onle have a very slight knowledge of me, being the people who are the freinds of the flatmate who replaced me when I moved out of spasm's flat. But we soon found out that we had alot in common, and drank the night away, copiously.
I am still drunk, I beleive. I had twice my average amount of jugs of tui last night, so I have a right to be. The fun resides within me.

COUNTDON OF THE COSTS!
$109
At the moment, it is a matter of trying to save $45 dollar for a couple of weeks, so that when my ID comes, I can buy a bottle of absinthe.

seven different pains

Last night, I went to a gig! It was Elmeno P, Foamy ed and The Tali-band. That last one made me laugh, and since it cost only ten dollars, me thoughts said, 'URRGRAH WHY JSHN NOT?' because I was drunk.

But I liked Foamy Ed. I thought it was great. All girl punk band? I likes the punk, but usually all-girl groups, or 'vagina bands' as I like to call them, get on my nerves. Becuase, to get a group of decient musicians together you usually have to be pretty indiscriminant of sex, and so to have four or five girls on stage means that it is proably more of a gimmick aimed at either a) appealing to men b) appealing to women who like that 'girl power' crap or c) both. Going for a gimmick like that usually means that the music will be of a worse quality than it usually would be.

But Foamy Ed were good. DISTORTION! It was great to hear a band play some old school punk styles without crying about their dead freind. Emo is Punk's malformed and booze retraded offspring. The music was just about drinking beer and doing not much. Even the Tali-band were alll right. But then came Elemno P. And I left.
Because, since they are such massive stars and what not, they had to bring on their own drum kit.
Screw waiting around for that. The crowd was pretty pumped after the Foamy ed set, and then they played 'Enter sandman' through the PA. Good choice. People singing along. Then 'Boheminan Rhapsody'. Then "Smells like teen spirit.' Then some shit by scribble.
And the drums still wern't set up.

So I went home. I have sleeping to do, and the waiting around had killed my booze buzz. Today I woke up after a good nights sleep, for a change, and am in seven types of agony, my body not being used to the rigors of drunken moshing.

CRC COUNTDOWN!
$150.
FUCK! almost out of money. But today I am going to get a job. At the uni, no less, which means I don't have to go anywhere. And my mum put $50 into my account today.
But still. The end is near.

Crapulence

Yup, it's a real word. Meaning: To feel like crap, usually because of the ingestion of substances.
Well, pretty much. I am not a walking dictionary. Obviously. Go look it up for yourself.
But I feel like crap. But not because of me drinking habit. No, not at all. I feel like crap because the sleep is not happening for me.
Usually I will go home and fall asleap between the hours of 8 and 10, then wake up between the hours of 8 an 10, feeling fresh as a fresh thing and smelling like fresh fish, to have a shower, eat some yoghurt and face a new day full on with all my might. Or with at least as much might as i can be bothered fulling.
But for the last few days, my sleep has been like this.
Get to sleep between hours of 8 and 10.
Wake up at about 12.
Stay awake, unable to sleep because of involuntary twitching, untill 5am.
Wake up again at 8, when my flatmate gets up.
FEEL LIKE POOS FOR THE REST OF THE DAY.
I don't like feeling poos. Do you like feeling poos? I do not.
So I am going to the doctors today to see if I can go on the sleeping pills.

Now, If you haven't been on the sleeping pills before, then I shall tell you a bit about them now. They are a very interesting thing.
You take a tablet, bout half the size of a panadol, about half an hour before you want to sleep. Then, no matter what you are doing, BAM! Comatown, and you are mayor. Somone could shoot you in the face and you still wouldn't wake up. About nine hours later, when you do wake, it dosen't seem like you have slept. You cannot remember your dreams, but nine hours of your life has dissapeared. You don't feel particularly rested, but neither do you feel like crap.
And so, your days meld into one long adventure where you don't see any night. After a while, you don't know what time of day it is, let alone what day of the week.

Looking forward to it. (Sarcasm).

CRC COUNTDOWN:
$257

university revolutions

No, I don't mean revolutions in the form of VIVA LOS WHATEVER, I mean, that it is all begining again. All the lectures, all the homework, all the readings, all the tutorials, all the people, all the poos. so much poos. I must train my bladder again to contain itself for hours at a time. This might seem easy for most of you, but I have the bladder the size of a walnut. A small walnut.
But enough about my oblutions. Me classes themselves seem like a good time, although they all do for the first week or two, just untill the period in which you can withdraw from class ends. Then the university, which is run by the dark lord satan, exchanges your fun and interesting lecturor who prepares for easch lecture with interesting and helpful powerpoints with an elderly man who seaks like he is prophesising doomsday through a long metal tube and you can only really hear him when his suddenly says : 'You, the boy in the black tee-shirt who smells like poo and cigaretts! What is your opinion on [insert term you have never heard of before]?'
Well, English is still better than Law, where if you sit in the wrong seat, they shoot you.

VIVA LOS UNIVERSITY!

CRC COUNTDOWN!
$320. But I am off to eastdie now. BWAHAHA!

This txt is for your love!

Saturday was an interesting night. As you know, avid readers of my blog, I was planning on going to a dress up party. For those of you who could not guess, I went as a pediophile. My costume was theirfore a trench coat, a hole-filled tee-shirt and a large head of a stuffed bear, which I used as a hat. Pockets filled with candy, myself and my two freinds went off to the party, each with a bottle of wine in us.

Warning: Do not leave alcohol around me. Ever. But especially when I am durnk. So don't leave alcohol around me ever.

At the party I consumed another bottle of red wine. My lips were, and still are, rather stained. You think wine stains are hard to get out of the carpet? You cannot put bleach in you mouth. Well, you can, but you die.
Anyway, I then entertained a few people with my briliant wit and stole a couple of bottles of beer, then played limbo and stole half a bottle of vodka. Then I went outside and got into a fight.
I now have a slightly brusied eye, a couple of scrapes and a bad knee, but as they say, you should have seen the other guy.
And witnesses tell me that the patch of concrete that I head-butted was taught a lesson it will not soon forget.
Anyway, then I stagered around a bit, finaly comming to rest at the top of Aro St at about 1am, where I coma'd. Luckilly for me, some kind hearted people weere passing and roused me enough to call me a taxi to take me home. I cannot imagine what I must have looked like. A man, in a trench coat and an inadequate tee-shirt, face covered in bloodlying in the gutter. Thanks guys. I would not have touched someone who looked like me with a pole.

You would think my adventure endith there. BUT NO! The is no reason in the mind of drunk Flan! After the Taxi driver dropped me off at my gate and I paid him, I then decided I was hungry and trouped off into the city to order myself a big mac and a big mac combo. They tasted good.
Then I decided to Txt people.
1.59am : I like you. My txt is for your love! :)!
2.07am : That might have seeming weird, but I think you understand.
2.10 : I am sorry.
I am sorry. dear god. Luckilly, my phone saves my outgoing messages so that when I woke up, on a bench on the plimmer steps, at 6am, I could text and apologise to the recipetent in question.

So all in all, It was a very satisfying end to my week long binge.
BINGE WEEK STATISTICS!
9 Jugs of tui
6 Pints of beer
3 bottles of wine
6 wiskey drys
1 absinthe shot
1/2 botlle of vodka
1 vodka matini
1 vodka lemonade
? bottles of stolen beer.
Fuck I enjoy life. And It all starts again this week! Well, perhaps not so much. But now, what you have been waiting for-

COURSE RELATED COSTS COUNTDOWN!
How much money do I have left?
$349
I think that could be worse, honestly.

Double post friday!

Thats right! Twice the flan-tastic exctiement today, to commemerate the fact that I cannot get on the intranet druring the weekend.
What I have planned:
The drinking has already started today, but soon I will be going to the bar that lives in the libary. It is odd that there is a bar in the libary, but just because you are too geeky to go outside doesn't mean you don't like to drink as well. Pleasure and fun abound!
After that I am going to Newtown, the suburb that is hady for nowhere, to listen to beatnicks do their poetry thing. More drinking. Perhaps I shall even amaze them all with my amazing talet at writing amazing poems and amazingly recite one of those amazing poems! No of this 'I am off to perform my poetry' clicking fingers bollocks. Bleeding heart emos abound!
Tommorow: You guessed it! DRINKING ABOUND! There is a dress up party at a freinds house in the most aro of valleys. The costume specifications is that your dress must start with 'p'. My freinds are going as 'poos' and 'perpetual motion'. I'll give you a cookie if you can guess what I am dressing up as! Clue: It starts with 'p'! Abound!
Sunday: I am proably due for a hangover sometime soon, so sunday will be spent getting over it. Should be a shocker!

so there we have it. I hope you have as much fun and excitement planned as I do. Pleasant whatevers! ABOUND!

How am I still alive?

Yesterday, as I was just starting my second jug of tui at eastside, I got a text message.

Mr X: You comming to Bodega tonight?
Me: Why, whats on at Bodega?
Mr X: All the writing group are getting together for a nightcap.

Yes, 'Nightcap' was the word used. The message should have read 'we are getting together to OBLITERATE YOUR LIVER!

So yesterday I had:
Four wiskey drys
Three Pints of Beer, Black
Three Pints of Beer, Ale
Two Jugs of Tui
A glass of red wine
And, to finish off the night good and proper we all had *drumroll* a shot of absinthe.

Yes, the green pixie was with us all last night. The good old green pixie.
But, Remarkably, on the fifth day of my week long binge fest I am feeling pretty good. I don't know if the can of tuna for breakfast was a good idea.

COUNTDOWN OF THE COSTS!
As you may have guessed, my bank account is now a fuckload emptier.
Today : $455.
Oh crap.

It's raining cats and

GLASS! Goddamn you best appreciate me trudging uphill in a frenzied shower of ICE COVERED ROCKS to tell you all about my amzing and briliant life. I woke up this morning, at 8am, an the sun was shining merrily, so I went back to bed. I get up again at eleven. Sun is shining. Wash the dishes. Sky is blue. Have a shower. The cicadias are chirping away with the desperate nature of thouse who want to get laid before they die tommorow. I walk outside in a thin tee-shirt I pilfered from a freind of mine and HELL FREEZES OVER AND THEN IS DROPPED ON ME. IN SHARP PEICES.

anway, Eastside opens soon. Sweet wiskey will be my mistress today!

COST COUNTDOWN!
Today: $783
Whats this! My funds have gone up? NO! This is my rent money from studylink. It goes away tommorow.
Money I actually have: $533
Sweet mercy fuck! What the hell did I drink yesterday? Well, time to go find out!

the days before uni

Only four more days untill uni starts! Only 96 more hours untill the back breaking strees of 11am classes start!
HAH!
If I haven't said it before, then I will say it now. I pity you if you are taking a law degree. I pity you if you are taking a Design degree. Science or Accounting degree? You get my pity. If you are taking a Theatre degree, you are beyond pity, and floating in an ocean of near-disgust. Pretty much, if you are doing anything EXCEPT english, you are in for a great year. And by great, I mean it would be easyer to be born a jew with dark hair when Hitler was in power.
My course centers around reading books. It's easy. Even for a mediocre reader, this means that you can proably finish a weeks worth of work in two, maybe three nights. None of this brain hemmoraging stress that you get from law, where the students barelyhave time to eat. And even when they eat they are reading. Reading stupid text books that cost $75. and you have to buy a seperate glossary.
This might seem like I am doing nothing but gloat. That is because I am doing nothing but gloat. Gloat gloat gloat.
Have fun with your year, suckers. I'm off to eastside.

COURSE RELATED COSTS COUNTDOWN!
Today: $597.14
I should be able to save some money today because I got up later than usual. This means I might not buy lunch here.

why do you hate me?

And why did eastside close at five yesterday? i was just getting into the swing of things. Perhaps today they will realise that this week is the only week when nobody has any work and everyone has money and stay open longer.

FLAN'S COURSE RELATED COURSE THEMOMETER!
On tuesday, my course related costs arrived, so now I am going to keep an online recored of how much I have spent! I spent $500 in three days the last time I had any money, but you will be pleased to see that I have been doing better this time. watch out for updates at the end of each post!

Tuesday: $1000
Monday: $685
Today: $618

Today I have to buy some more refill and some batteries. And lunch. I am also debating weather to get myself a gym membership, but I am thinking this will be a waste of money. Do you?

Alcoholic Pudding

Yesterday my grandparents came to welington, and so they shouted me a meal at a restruant called 'Hazel'. It costs alot, but it was very nice. The main reason it was nice, me thinks, is because of all the booze they put into everything. There was one course that I had that did not have booze in it, and that was the galic bread.
But they saved the best till last. I had white chocholate rum buree with drunk fruits and a hot chocholate that had so much hazelnut liquour in it the spoon stood by itself.
so I have decided to be a dessert drunk. It's a briliant idea, good food, and you are sober for most of the day, but just when people are thinking, 'oh thank god Flan was sober enough to put on pants today' you say, 'perhaps I'll just have something else' and BAM! You reserve yourself a place in the nearest gutter and head off to the fats.

Sometimes I love my life.

but now I am at university. Again. At 9 am. Again. This is because today is the first day of "Oreintation '06 lolzorzs". So I have to do alot of things before all the first years make the halls sticky. And then I shall wait untill eastside opens.

Whos bright idea was it to put a bar on campus? Satan tempts me. I have no will.

Wellington night life

Fun fun fun in your bum! Back in wellington, so I had to celebrate last night. With BEER! It's a meal in a can apparenly. All the goodness of a loaf of bread with thrice the alcohol content!
Then myself and another three freinds went around wellington, trying to get into bars and shouting 'Matt Damion' at people. I gave a man who has hitting buckets with a stick ten cents.

In other news, uni is comming back to life again. With first years. They are easy to spot, because of all the supree they are wearing. They are hanging around, trying to work the computers, reading their notes for classes that they will proably stop going to after a week of drunken excess. It's almost cute. They seem to think it all matters.

But we know differently now, don't we?

Dinner invitation

It worked! A brazen act without much tact has worked it's charm without much harm! (I'm a poet, ect.) Yup, I have a dinner date, I suppose, and it fells good.
You reading this, my welly friends? Remember all those times I have said 'come on, go talk to them, what have you got to lose?' and you would reply 'My dignity' or 'The use of my limbs' or even 'control over my bladder'? Well, perhaps not the last one. But still, the lesson is there. We aren't getting any younger, (it's fun being 20 and saying that), and so we must become men of action.

In other news, I am going back to wellington tomorrow. I was supposed to be on the bus right now, but my grandmother invited me to dinner, so I postponed my return. I will proably be chowing down on some sort of a roast tonight. Or perhaps even fresh fish. The best thing about dining with my grandparents, however, is that they know wine. They have a wine cellor. It is in their closet. But the wine they serve is always suited to the meal and beautiful. So very very good wine.

So I go on the bus tommorow.

Valentines idea of a joke.

So today my money arrived into my account. Unfortunately, because of a promise I made to whatever, I then had to send a Valentine to someone.
This may not seem like a very logical sequence of events, but I am sure that you know realise that life doesn't have to be very logical.
This is the first Valentine I have sent. To someone I am not in a relationship with. The fun of it all. Thank you study link, for only getting yourself into action when there is probable chance for my own public humiliation. This, I think, is further proof that studylink is run by Satan or perhaps even Hitler.
But it is better to have tried and failed, ect. What is the worst that could happen?

A can of mace to my face, I suppose.

Thank you studylink!

"What is that? My money will be in my account two weeks before the start of my course? Because I really need that money. If there is any doubt that the money wont be there, please tell me and I will make other arragements. No? It will be there? Good, because, as I have expressed, I really really need that money. On monday. Yup. Thank you."

Yes, thank you study link, for being complete and utter wankers. Monday is today, but alas, my money is not here. The money that I need to buy my mothers birthday present. The money I need to pay my rent. The money better get here really, really soon.

So, that's my monday well and truly fucked.

In other news, I believe I am sweating the alcohol I have consumed in the last week from my pores at night. My god was list night a sweaty, sticky experiance. Sticky and smelly. I don't think I have ever sweated so much in my life. You can stop reading now if you want. Because sweat is yuck.

The fun is inside me. Or will be. Once I get my money.

Between the sheets

Last night I went to a 21st. It was a costume party, and I wnt as a Roman senator thing. Hah! Thats where the sheet referance came in! You thought it was going t obe much more exciting, didn't you?
Well, It was quite a good night. The person whose 21st it was is actually an ex-girlfriend of mine from probably five years ago now, so I must confess that I was a little sceptial of things. I didn't wan't to be hanging around like the skeleton out of his closet, a pink elephant eating all the food. But All was well. We share alot of mutual friends, many of whom came to the C.H.B. especially for this party, and a good time was had by all meeting and reminising about the ole times and catching up, epecially as some of us haddn't seen each other for over two years.
Usually reminising makes me quite depressed, but the special thing about last night was that this didn't happen. Before we went our seperate ways I spent mostly all of my first and a good amout of my second form years with these people, and hearing about all the good times an dactually having stimulus for me to recall the good times was very interesting. My memory is shot, badly, so remembering anything in any detail from a specific period in my life was kind of like being more complete than often.
My internal editor is telling me that I am not making much sense, but I don't care. It was a strange and nice experiance.

So have fun for the next whenever, thanks for the party and I wish you all the best.

The green fairies

HOLY SHIT!! It is the way to explain last night. There was a bottle of cheap wine, of my own bringing, a bottle of zambuca. And the ,there was a bottle of absinthe. Holy holy shit. I drank half the bottle. I am very very drunk. Right now I am drunk. For fourty five dollars a bottle of 72% booze is a very good purchace.

You can tell that absinthe is not a normal drink after you have your first glass. We were cutting it with water, three parts water for ever part absinthe, but three minutes after I had finished my first half glass (It tases like liquorice and is very easy to drink) I felt it's effects. I am not, as you may have realised, and easy drunk. So I then decided to hide it under a willy wonka hat in a bedroom.

The most fun was buying the stuff. I went into the local liqour store and found the stuff, and then aproached the counter.
"Hey there, (Name Suppresed). I haven't seen you in a long time." Luckily I knew the person who was working at the counter.
"Hey, I haven't seen you in a while." The person at the counter didn't know who I was.
"Can Isplit the payment for this?" I said, handing over the bottle of green death.
She said "Sure. What are you studying in welly?"
I Said, as I reached behind me for the eftpos card of the underage person that was supling half the money for the absinthe, 'I am going to be a teacher."
She said "thats cool". Her eyes said, you are blatantly supplying pubesants with a substance that is banned in most countries. This is a fucked up situation.

I said, 'Yes, yes it is." Thanked her and walked out.

Party central hawkes bay

Well, what do you know it, but I have only been back in waipukurau on night and already I have been invited to TWO parties. This isn't too uncommon in welly, but in waipuk this is a new world record. Also, Waipukurau has the added bonus of being a hell of a lot smaller than welly so the walking is less. Less walking equals more drunk. But then again, waipuk has more stabbings. And 'P'. We are the 'P' capital of NZ, apparently.

Anyway, 'P' aside, me and my good freind Mr. $9 bottle of wine are going to meet up with a few old school mates. One still lives here because he is not old enough to leave, but the other has left, and gone to Auckland. AHAHAHA!

Times should be fun and the drink should be plentiful, I shall be intoxicated and the couch will be lumpy. Story of my life, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

AUCKLAND! AHAHAHAHA!

The bus sucks donkey

I hate the bus.

I had no music to listen to on the bus.

I had no book to read on the bus.

I had to listen to a man make racial slurs on the bus.

And talk about politics.

I hate the bus.

In the wai-puk-of-A.

Today I go back to Waipukurau, hometown and place of sweet boredom.
Why you ask? Why go to your one streeted hometown where that one street is lined with incoherant bumbs who never got out of waipuk and plus they all smell like poos? Why go back to Waipuk when the Fringe festival, the festival packed with the theartre and even some free stuff, is about to start?

Because of my endless ANGST!

Oh, I be the angsty right now. I hate wellington. I hate hills. I hate wind. I hate my flat. Yesterday, My flatmate saw that I had left a gum wrapper on the carpet. A little gum rapper. That she could have picked up and put in the bin. But no, she left it there for a day. To see if I would put it in the bin. I didn't. Because I didn't see it. And I didn't se it because it was partially covered by a rug. And it was a gum wrapper. A very, very small gum wrapper.
This might not seem like a big deal to most people, but I have just moved out of a flat where we once spent three weeks living in our own filth because we were too drunk to care. I enjoy being too drunk to care. Looking over my own shoulder and critising everything I do annoys the fuck out of me. I need FREEDOM! LET ME BE FREE!

so I am going back to waipuk so that I get bored shitless and when I return everything will be hunky-dory. Also, I should have some money by then. And an 18+ card.

Also, It be my mothers birthday soon.

What am I doing?

I woke up at three am last night after an interesting dream based loosely on 'Catch 22'. It was about one Major's quest to find out why everything was so very strange.
Then I stayed awake. I have been awake for 6 hours, and have read a novel. What have you done with your day, huh?
I went to have coffee at a cafe yesterday and it was strangely depressing. I had people to talk to, and lively disscussions to follow instead of mindless and unimportaint small talk. But I think it was because my latte was served in a glass. God invented mugs for a reason. So that my fingers would not get burnt while drinking my caffenated beverage. Why don't people listen to god anymore?
So today I am doing nothing. Might check out sjs and see if they have any jobs going. Might go back to be.

How much might could a might hound hoof?

Holy holy holy

BOOZE!
I have had the equivalent of 9 bottles of wine in the past week! Considering the fact that I was only drinking for three nights, I am rather impressed.
I played alot of limbo. Now my back hurts. And twister. Now everything hurts. And Circle of death. My Innards hurt. And 'shot races'. My innards hurt more. And 'Eat the half a cabbage'. That also affected me. Badly.

Anyway, now I am free for two weeks! More drinking abound! When I get money, of course.

...And stuff I did do.

Boy howdy have I spent alot of money. But it has all been on good, helpful and educational things.
Right then. so I bought Tekken 5 and the Fooly Cooly box set, Two bottles of wine and brunch at B4. So really I am quite pleased with my effort. No hookers.
But anyway, now to rant about my new purchases!

Tekken 5 - it has been about half a year since I rented this game and unlcked all the characters, so I thought, what the hey, I'll delete my save, leave the round count on two instead of one (customary to beat things quick) and up the difficulty level. I had, obviously, forgotten about one or two things.
a) This game is a but load faster than Tekken 4. It's almost as bad as playing 'Marvel vs. Capcom'. If you are new to this game, GO TO PRACTICE MODE FIRST! Otherwise you will be pummelled into oblivion in the first round.
b) Jinpachi is a cheating fuck. I had forgotten that the boss of tekken 5 can kill you in ONE MOVE. And if you have to beat him twice in a row it makes it that much harder. Half his move set is unblockable too.
But apart from that, Tekken 5 rules. Better grapics, better movement, and you can customize characters costumes.

Fooly Cooly - The anime seris in which a young boy gets hit in the head with a bass guitar. Then robots come out of him. Not fun for all the family, there are some parts in which this seris gets completly fubbed. Fubbed to the power of ten. But it be the fun.

What else be happening to me? I have a dinner to go to tonight. My creative writing course is so very close to being finished, so all in the class are going out for a nice dinner together, then out for drinks. i like drinks, I like them alot.

Only 7 hours to impale until then.

So that is it, I suppose.

I am single.
It's been a long time comming folks. Three years, or there abouts. But now there is no other half for Flan.
I am the half eaten pudding in the cheese conpartment of my soul.
That is proably the biggest news that I will ever have for a little while. It will proably take a little while for the news to sink in. I don't know what single people do anymore. It was easy when I was attached, all I had to do was sit in my room and resist earthly temptations. But now...
Well, at least i got $500 today. When I say 'got', I mean 'extended my overdraft by'. But it's not going to stop me spending it on cask wine. No siree.

Off to do stuff to things.

Grey skies

Back I am at the university. The sky is grey by no rain is falling. Wind whistles though hornbeam trees like a summer coloured sigh...

*Ahem*

Egad! I do not have any I.D. I haven't for about a year. But it seems to be only now that I can no longer purchase alcohol, open bank accounts, prove my identity or find my house key. It is at times like these I beleive in God again. Haha God, very funny indeed.
see, it is only 10am, and yet I have failed in all my endevours this morning AND the intranet has crashed on me four times. well, no one has noticed that I havent been charged for any usage yet, so we will just keep that to ourselves.

I have to do writing stuff, but I don't think my brain is consice enough yet. ll the bunnies is what I see.

Faithful minions

I don't have a computer. So I had to wait untill uni was open before I could post blog. Blog. Yup.

I have been up to much stuff since we last came together my freinds. I am, for the beginning, no longer sleeping on the floor of any room. I am now sleeping on a matress, on a bed base. You would think this would make me happy, but I am filled with annoyance. The bed is hard, and to small for my muscle bound bulk. The matress it too short and my legs fall out the bottom and on the sides. And my pillow is lumpy.
I do have my own room now, complete with guitar and comfy chair, wardrobe that I do not have to sleep in and my playstation. I played a game of Tekken 4 to see if I was still the OMG p0wn4g3 m45t3r and I was, so that was boring.
Again, I have no money.
On friday I got really really drunk and walked through a scary park to fall asleap on a couch. The party was in brooklin. If you do not know about the wellington aera, then all you need to know is this: Brookin is uphill. It is uphill from everywhere. It is a mountain, and my freinds live on top of it. I stole their cutlery.

I have finished me (hopefully) final draft of me first story for my folio that is to be handed in friday. Now all I have to do is type it up.

Or, of couse, I could procrastinate more.

The five steps of lonley

Woo, me some good yes! Yesterday was the most hellishly boring experiance I have had in quite some time. (I am writing about yesterdays for now because I am sleeping in the living room and my flatmate gets up at 7am. Good ole 7am. 7am is proof that god was on crack.) I did not much. I was supposed to be re-editing me writen things for a folio, but instead I sat and looked at the wall and cronicled my process of being lonley.

There are five steps that everyone passes through when they have nothing to do:
Step one: Boredom. If you weren't sleeping on the lounge floor you would go back to bed.
Step two: Depression. It is raining outside and you start to list all your freinds that you cannot be bothered visiting.
Step Three: Agitation. You pace around the room and lip sync muted informercials.
Step Four: Crazy. You go outside in the rain that is comming in sideways and buy a subway footlong.
Step Five: Coffee. You medicate yourself with caffeen untill someone arrives or you die.

And that was my day. I did watch Enter the Dragon and another movie called 'Versus', where an escaped convict finds himself in a forrest where the dead turn into Zombies. It was really just an excuse for blood and brain bits, but it made me laugh lots and good. Those crazy Japanese.

Of to eat rice and peas - nature's excuse for sustinance.

Living off of flooring

I HAVE MOVED!
At the last minute I decided it was going to be easyier to move into an already establised flat rather than suffer anymore indignity at the hands of the 'we screw you for money' realting agecies. Unfortunately, the rent here is a little steeper than I had hoped ($35 dollars a week more expensive, actually... that is seven bottles of 'passion pop' a week!) but it is right intownand next to the uni and it means that I didn't have to move a desk that is begger than my bed. Two thumbs up!

Now I have fnished class as well, which means I have three glorious weeks of nothing to do inside. This is the first time in a year that I will be able to relax without the guilt of the work I am not doing. So me and my metric ton of coffee are going to stay indoors and watch bruce lee movies and read lots. Lots and lots and lots.

And now that I found out how to use this computer, I will once again be able to terriorize the internal netted comunity with my drunken ramblings! Won't that be fun?

festival of expletives

God [buzz] [buzz] [buzz] and [buzz] [buzz]ing [buzz] flat finding!

It is that time of the year! I will have no where to live next monday, and if I do find a residence, I have no way to get my things there!
Add to the delightful mix of beauty and happiness hugs the fact that I have no money and no booze. Over the next seven days i have to pack my life into boxes, find a house, and unpack it all again. all while studing. some things are going to get very crumpled.

And in case you didn't know, flat hunting is the most rewarding thing in the world.
'oh, you took an hour out of your day to find walk across town, find this place and walk up the seventy stairs to see me? Im sorry, the flat was let two weeks ago. Why did I leave the noticew in the paper then? Well, I guess it is because I AM SATAN INCARNATE!'

Then the realter breathes fire on you and pushes you down the stairs.

Time waits for booze

Ah, my freinds. I can always rely on them to, when I am supposed to be working, drag me out of the house and force me to spend a night in drunken revelry the effect of which will be felt for another two days. It is a sad fact of life that as you get older hangovers seem to hang around for longer.
But I am not actually all that bed today. I slept on the floor under my trench coat with a towel for a pillow, but after a shower and half a dozen peices of toast I am not to bad. I survived the night with my eyebrows intact.

Tomorow go back to the big city of wellington. This would be good if I haddn't just received a rather nasty surprise. Apraently I only have untill the 19th to move out of the flat. I thought I had untill the 29th. This is not good. Not good at all. I just don't have enough time for everything I need to do.

Where did I put my vodka bottle?

Critical Mass

I am supposed to be reviewing other peoples work, but the good carttons are on. samurai jack starts in five, and then Teen Titans is on. Sometimes I think that I watch too many cartoons. at times like that, I am right. But it isn't my fault, this cartoony adiction. It is a a govenment conspiricy involving [insert pharse here, preferably something to do with mdgets].

speaking of midgets, today there was a show on called 'man vs. beast' where they pitted various different animals against different athletes. A orangutan defeated a sumo wretler at tug-of-war (I still don't know why that game isn't called 'war-of-tug. It makes alot more sense), a navy man beat a chimp on an obsticale course and a zebra destroyed an olympic runner. All of this made sense to me, more or less. But then the logic fell apart when the next match up was announced. It was going to be a competition to see who could pull a boing (that isn't how you spell that is it?)747 twenty meters. Who would win? The bull elephant? Or the forty harnesed midgets?
Midgets in leashes. I would have seen how the match ended if I had not discovered that Hi Hi Puffy Ami Yumi was on the other channel.

The addiction is mine alone. Anyway, I still have two more days before this stuff is due. Plenty of time.
Plenty.

I remember 2005 like it was only yesterday...

HAH! I love stupid New Years jokes. I say one every year just after the countdown. Like 'oh my god I can't believe it's finaly 1964!' or I look a someones dress and say 'that is soo last year.' Ah. i really don't care if you think it's pathetic. It makes me laugh.

This morning I woke up at 6am without a hangover and finished off my short story. hooray. Hooray indeed. All sixteen pages. In fact, at 5000 words it is the longest thing I have ever written for and university course. Its even longer than the novel I tried to write some time ago. Because the novel only obtained two chapters. Anyway, WOO! Now all I have to do is alot of other stuff. I really shouldn't be doing this, I should be working. But who is going to stop me? The procrastination police? i think knot!

Soon the family is going around to my grandmothers for lunch. Infinate food was fun for the first three days i was back home, but now I am almost getting sick of it. Famous last words. I know that after a week of eating noodle cup slop I will really really want some meat but at the moment I just feel like a glutton. A monstrous, pavlova eating glutton. All the alcohol doesn't help either I am sure.

Only a month until I have to move out of the flat! I hate moving, But if you come back in a couple of posts time I am sure you will hear all about it.

can't get enough of those sugar crisps.