Christmas, chocolate, women, band, pants...

...21 year old wine, more chocolate, a ham the size of your head, books... there have been alot, and I mean ALOT of things that have happened since the last time I got off, or onto my, as the case my indeed be, lazy ass and posted. Christmas was a big one. After many many months of a liquid diet I have put more food inside me than the Pope has the Holy-ies. And the Meat. So much meat. So many different varieties of meat. SO MUCH MEAT!!!
SO I ahve had a very good Christmas, what with the gorging and whatnot. I also, just yesterday, drank my 21 year old bottle of wine. It was Red Wine and Red Wine which is old is a very interesting thing. You cannot, for example, drink it straight out of the bottle. Not only is it one of those social foo-pah things (i can barely spell in english, you want me to learn to spell in other languages too?) but also it tastes like, and in this instance smells like, poo. Now dont get me wrong, I a mquite partial to poo, because it is funny, but even I expect my $6 wine to have some sort of palatable flavour to it. If it doesn't I still drink it anyway, because its alcohol, but that is beside the point. No, if your red wine is even more than 5 years old, you should decanter it, which is pour it into a big flat bottomed jug thing so the air gets into it. Taste a bit so you can tell it hasn't gone off (it will tase kinda like leaves and cork if it has. Really musty.) and then keep on tasting it at 15min intervals. It took my wine 45minutes to stop tasting like poo and start tasting like the kind of Heaven that wakes you up with drool on your pillow. Damn it was good.
Anyway, enough about my Wine.
Next on the agenda is my Band, The Crazy. We now have a website! Its on Myspace! Yes, I know, but I blog all the time, how much further can I fall?
Don't awnser that.
Anyway, if you feel like it, and you do, you should go to www.myspace.com/thecrazy.nz and watch the movie clip of me dancing with tongs. Soon we should have some recordings of our actual music up, which will be nice, wont it?
In other news, I got a pay rise at work. Huzzah! I now get paid $12 instead of $10.50. AIR THRUST! Thats more wine for me, and less..ummm...
But now onto the main interesting part of my life that has been happening since I last posted. This is so momentus that I might even have to break it into it's own seperate paragraph.

The thing that has been happening to me is...

Duh duh duh duh duhDUH duhduhduhDUHDUHDUHdee dah dah duh dah dee DEE dah deh duh dah DUH DEE DAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Pants.
And especially how my pants react when in the presence of a certain woman.
Of course, in the age old tradition of Highlyflannable, I will not mention her by her true name, and so shall call her Charlie.
Well, myself and Charlie have not known each other for very long, but we have hung out together a couple of times, and a little while ago I invited her to a party. We drank copious amounts of wine, and walked home together. I asked if we could hug. I didn't think it was the best pick up ling in the world, but as the song says, we started making out, and she took off my pants and:
"No"
"What?" says I. I had been enjoying myself for the last few moments. Alot. This one word was very much the proverbial bucket of ice cold water.
"You don't want to get involved with me. I'll mess you up"
Now, as any regular reader of my life knows, I have been messed up before. I've gotten through it. Sure, Im scarred and what not, but it has been a while since I have had any messing, good or bad, and so I really don't mind. I try to tell her this, but Charlie insists that it is for the greater good that we remain friends for we have to spend some amount of time together. Alright. Cool. Im fine with that. Put back on my pants and buckle up the effile tower (*sigh*, I wish, more like the leaning tower of some really small thing) and go to sleep.
In the morning deja vu. (How come I can spell THAT?). We make out. Pants hit a wall, I wasn't paying attention which one, and again, that single cold shower of a word.
Oh well. Worse things have happened, yes? Rang Charlie the day after just to make sure that everything was good between us. She said it was, and I was releived, cause I actually quite like her.
Then, at 2:30am the next morning I am awoken by the phone. It is Charlie.
"I just need to talk to someone. Talk. Not sex. Just need a friend. Not sex. You should come over."
So thats what I do. Because Im such a nice guy. And because I am a guy. anyway. In my experiance, "friends" do not fall asleap in each others arms and try to keep eachother in bed even though they have to go to class or fail another paper. Nothing of a pantsless nature occured, but damn, if I didn't have that class I would not have left that bed.
Because I am smitten with Charlie.
This is a new experiance.
Of course, since I and Satomi broke up (I can use her real name cause she is in RUSSIA, Japan not being far enough away, apparently) I have had crushes, but nothing like this. This feeling is something I have not had in a while. Your thoughts being interupted by feelings or remeberances, you touch the palm of your own hand and remeber hers... I tell you, this is the most annoying, confusing and ejoyable state I have been in in quite some time. Stupid juxtaposition. How am I supposed to be able to say how I feel.
Perhaps like this: This is going to be a major downer, and I mean a MAJOR downer if this dont work out right.
And it aint gonna be easy. Apparently, Charlie, who is one year my junior, doesn't want a relationship. I don't want a one night stand. I had a one night stand once. Its about as satisfying as masturbation, except after masturbation you dont have to go get a STI test. So might say our base interests conflict.
Apparently it would be easyer if I was a bastard.
CUE: "Nice Guy Finish Last" - Greenday, and the worlds smallest violin.
WHAT THE HELL? What do women think? What do I think? Where is the instruction manual? I just don't know what to do.
I'm just going to keep on trying, me thinks, either until Charlie relents or she becomes convinced that Im crazy and I hit the bottle again. Im betting on the latter, but sometimes you just have to try.

Speaking of Crazy, I went to the doctor person and told them about my twitch. They told me to try some things, but I dont think they are working. But then again, me parents havent noticed while I have been home even though I have been twitching, so perhaps its all im my head. Many things are.

Shizzle and Nizzle.

Two days ago I had another band gig. It went really well, thanks for asking. I earnt $10, which is pretty good for a band to earn. So now all I have to do is gig 40 times a week and I will be able to live as a professional band person thing. Yes. That'll happen.
Urgh, what is going on? I don't know. just spent 3 hours in a kitchen making samwhiches. lots and lots and lots of samwhiches. But it wasn't that bad, bascially because once you know how to make one samwhich, you know how to make them all. You don't have to think. You just stand there and sing your little samwhich making song which has one word and that word is stoat. It makes sense when you think about it.
Tonight I am going to a Barbeque. I like Barbeques. They have the meat. It's a pitty Wellington spring still looks like everywhere else's Autum. Its all grey and overcast ooutside, but I like it like that. Sun hurts my eyes and makes me sweat, flying things proporgate in the warm weather and fly into my face or eat of my tender flesh meats, leaving small dots that itch and annoy. My ideal world would be a world that is plauged by nuclear winter, and I would make a living as a penguin wrangler, traveling from ice flo to ice flo on my trusty pet Walrus Malcom, helping penguin farmers round up their stock ready to be processed. Tasty, tasty penguin burgers. Also, I would be given special powers from the nuclear fallout, and woould be able to make cheese at will. Unfortunately, the radiation would also have caused everyone to be lactose intolerant, so I cannot sell my cheese, but during the slow months at the penguin farms I would be able to use my abilities and become an assasin for the government, infultraiting the lairs of know criminals and causing them a slow death through cheese-poisened foodstuffs.
As you can tell, I have not much to talk about. My weekend is going to be filled with computer games and cheap wine as I sleep on a friends fold out couch. All will be scotsmen.

Fear my mighty Scottness. Fear it veriily.

Next time on Highlyflannable: His Story 1! Flan takes a break from yabbering on about his pathetic life and tells you about someone elses slightly less patchetic life. So tune in next time for the adventures of Calvin: Unemployed with a degree in Philosophy! Gripping stuff!