Charlie

First of all, because lately my life seemes to be influenced by people much more that it used to be (or I have admited to) I have decided to give all my readers a quick cast list of all the people involved with me and a summary of their position to me in life. Please not that none of these names are the peoples real names, as according to my personal beleifs about the anomity of the internal net, and are rater psudenoms that have absolutely no relevance to the peoples real manes. Really. If you dont beleive me, then find your own name on the list. If you a reader of me rantings, then you should be on the list, and I would be interested to hear if I have, but some unconsious corralation, allowed you to be identified by your psudedonum alone. (Am I spelling "psudonum" correctly? If so, then go me! I canne spell for bejezus. Looks right to me anyway.)

Cast of characters:
Flan Hyperbole: This is me, the guy you see in the top right hand corner looking rather tired. I often look rather tired. You can be pretty certain that is infact me, because if I was to put in a fake photo then I would have put a photo that looks more like the offspring of Scarlett Johansen and Jonny Depp than the oafish, drunken, surly individual that is protrayed there.

Calvin Shine: A very good friend of mine. For full details on Calvin, see a post of not long ago.

Faustus Mc Jello: Another very good friend of mine, and lead guitarist of out band "The Crazy". I have known Faustus for more years than I can remember.

Promethus Hobbs: Usually referred to as just "Hobbs", Promethus is in fact a relative of mine, a good friend and I have even lived with him. He can draw, animate and whishes he could play guitar.

Wendy Hawthorne: Faustus Mc Jello's current partner. I met Wendy even before Faustus, when she was living in the same hostel that I was. Needless to say, see has seen more of my drunken and pantless self than more people should ever, ever want to.

Lilith Meditrate: Lone time friend of Wendy. Lilith came to my attension through Wendy, and we have become friends since.

Spasm von Terros: To be fair, this is not a name that I have invented, rather a persona that this long time friend of mine has invented for himself. He now lives in O-blackie, which says alot about him, although he is trying to move to Wellington proper.

Imogen Underscore: Ex of Spasm's and the only person I know who has decided to break up with someone by arragement.

Jesus Malvain: Jesus Malvain lives in Auckland now, which is almost grtounds for using his real name. But Jesus has been another good fried of mine for much time, giggling with me drunkenly as we watch the disturbing animations of David Firth.

Jacob Creek: The "coffee guy" from work who I get on quite well with. How did he want to be mentioned? As a freind who is more freindly than strangers but not too freindly or something. I dont know. My memory. Full of holes.

Insane coffee chick who has recently begun stakling me: I don't think this name really needs any embellishment.

Charlie *****: I really haven't decided on a last name for Charlie yet. Possibly because I am really not certain where we lie in relation to each other yet. Even thogh these are fictional names, I cannot cerment them until I know how they stand in relation to myself.

Now, Ignoring all the rules I had set myself about blogging while slightly drunk, here is a blog about my woes with the opposite sex. The opposite sex being Charlie. I have been giving the cold shoulder to Charlie receintly, as I really do not know what the hell is going on, and txt messages such as "how u been" have not helped. This "cold shoulder" buisness has been rather beyond my character, and in previous relationships I belevie I was kicked around like a sack of old potatoes. (I say "believed" becuase, as we all know, my memory is utter, utter shite) but at this time I dont really want that to be the case. I dont know what is happening, but I should rather like to. Being "messed up" is one thing, but simply not knowing where the light switch is in a darkened bar toilet is completely another. And I was seriously considering leaving the barthroom and assigning it to the "what man was not meant to know" catorgory and partonising Burger King with the waste products of my being before I got this txt:
"Im sory if ur angry at @ me ws ny my intntn 2 upset u perhaps we shud hang and talk @ sum point!wheas my shape crakr pal?"
This might seem not to revalatory to many. And in fact it isn't. If you take away the reference to the shape crackers. I didn't mention it in my previous post about Charlie, but we ate shape crackers just before the other, more exciting things happened. Is this a coincidence? I think knot. Really, this sort of marlarky just makes me angry. How dare this woman make numerous references (for there were more than that txt) about shapes crackers to try and intice me back to her? Do not get me wrong. I am still very muchly smitten with Charlie. If she were to call again at this moment and say that she needed a friend then I have no doubt that I would be to her side as quickly as my unfit body could carry me. But I really do not apreciate this kind of game she is playing with me. Am I supposed to appear at every inuendo like a well trained dog? I think not. What I really want is to be able to talk with Charlie, sober and alone, and tell her once again what I fell, and find out what, exactly, she feels. Because really, what the fuck does "I don't want to mess you up, lets just be friends" mean? Is it simply an excuse to fob me off to the wayside? Or does it mean that she actually has feeling for me and is too scared to act on them? Or even, the outside bet, that she actually do have feeling and actually do beleive I could be messed up. The first option is probably the more likely one, but also the one I hope does not eventuate.

In short, people are alot of effort. I am glad I do have some very good friends who can helo me through things, but at the end of the day, I really want someone I can wake up with.