Kicking sticks and tyres

Today my friend and I were eating popsicle slushies on a convienient bench and watching people with lives walk past. I remarked:
"you know, I think the youth of today deserve a good kicking."
"yes, with sticks." He replied.
"With sticks?" Ask I.
"We shall tie them to our shoes."
I think this is the best idea in the world.

Now, directly after my little speel about how I hate metaphors that attempt to explain life, I will now blog about how great my metaphors for life are. And they are. It is the best thing in the world. You will marvel at how much you resemble a vehicle with wheels upon it.
Yup, we are all some kind of mobile tyred thing.
I am a spare tyre: I am comfortable being the extra man of the group, the thing that isn't needed but always kept around. I am Inexplainably greasy, and you don't show me to your real freinds. In a pinch you will call on me to help but I will always let you down due to a slow release puncture.
Other things you could be are a unicycle (you are unblanced and difficult to steer), an articulated truck (you are bendy and have a cool horn thing), a kitted out subaru (you enjoy to company of the same sex and try to disguise it by tinting your damn stupid windows) or even a nifty-fifty (everyone thinks you look like a dick and even some old wommen with zimmerframes are quicker than you, but with the upcomming oil crisis you will be the only one who can get out of your driveway on $10 gas).
I think I shall make it into one of the super great awesome cool internet quizzes that through a seris of easy to awnser questions reveal your inner workings to you. The inner you that is a retard, of course.
Those people will be Segways on my test.

Haven't seen you genitals in years? Stop segway-ing to the kitchen for mayonase samwiches.