university revolutions

No, I don't mean revolutions in the form of VIVA LOS WHATEVER, I mean, that it is all begining again. All the lectures, all the homework, all the readings, all the tutorials, all the people, all the poos. so much poos. I must train my bladder again to contain itself for hours at a time. This might seem easy for most of you, but I have the bladder the size of a walnut. A small walnut.
But enough about my oblutions. Me classes themselves seem like a good time, although they all do for the first week or two, just untill the period in which you can withdraw from class ends. Then the university, which is run by the dark lord satan, exchanges your fun and interesting lecturor who prepares for easch lecture with interesting and helpful powerpoints with an elderly man who seaks like he is prophesising doomsday through a long metal tube and you can only really hear him when his suddenly says : 'You, the boy in the black tee-shirt who smells like poo and cigaretts! What is your opinion on [insert term you have never heard of before]?'
Well, English is still better than Law, where if you sit in the wrong seat, they shoot you.

VIVA LOS UNIVERSITY!

CRC COUNTDOWN!
$320. But I am off to eastdie now. BWAHAHA!

This txt is for your love!

Saturday was an interesting night. As you know, avid readers of my blog, I was planning on going to a dress up party. For those of you who could not guess, I went as a pediophile. My costume was theirfore a trench coat, a hole-filled tee-shirt and a large head of a stuffed bear, which I used as a hat. Pockets filled with candy, myself and my two freinds went off to the party, each with a bottle of wine in us.

Warning: Do not leave alcohol around me. Ever. But especially when I am durnk. So don't leave alcohol around me ever.

At the party I consumed another bottle of red wine. My lips were, and still are, rather stained. You think wine stains are hard to get out of the carpet? You cannot put bleach in you mouth. Well, you can, but you die.
Anyway, I then entertained a few people with my briliant wit and stole a couple of bottles of beer, then played limbo and stole half a bottle of vodka. Then I went outside and got into a fight.
I now have a slightly brusied eye, a couple of scrapes and a bad knee, but as they say, you should have seen the other guy.
And witnesses tell me that the patch of concrete that I head-butted was taught a lesson it will not soon forget.
Anyway, then I stagered around a bit, finaly comming to rest at the top of Aro St at about 1am, where I coma'd. Luckilly for me, some kind hearted people weere passing and roused me enough to call me a taxi to take me home. I cannot imagine what I must have looked like. A man, in a trench coat and an inadequate tee-shirt, face covered in bloodlying in the gutter. Thanks guys. I would not have touched someone who looked like me with a pole.

You would think my adventure endith there. BUT NO! The is no reason in the mind of drunk Flan! After the Taxi driver dropped me off at my gate and I paid him, I then decided I was hungry and trouped off into the city to order myself a big mac and a big mac combo. They tasted good.
Then I decided to Txt people.
1.59am : I like you. My txt is for your love! :)!
2.07am : That might have seeming weird, but I think you understand.
2.10 : I am sorry.
I am sorry. dear god. Luckilly, my phone saves my outgoing messages so that when I woke up, on a bench on the plimmer steps, at 6am, I could text and apologise to the recipetent in question.

So all in all, It was a very satisfying end to my week long binge.
BINGE WEEK STATISTICS!
9 Jugs of tui
6 Pints of beer
3 bottles of wine
6 wiskey drys
1 absinthe shot
1/2 botlle of vodka
1 vodka matini
1 vodka lemonade
? bottles of stolen beer.
Fuck I enjoy life. And It all starts again this week! Well, perhaps not so much. But now, what you have been waiting for-

COURSE RELATED COSTS COUNTDOWN!
How much money do I have left?
$349
I think that could be worse, honestly.

Double post friday!

Thats right! Twice the flan-tastic exctiement today, to commemerate the fact that I cannot get on the intranet druring the weekend.
What I have planned:
The drinking has already started today, but soon I will be going to the bar that lives in the libary. It is odd that there is a bar in the libary, but just because you are too geeky to go outside doesn't mean you don't like to drink as well. Pleasure and fun abound!
After that I am going to Newtown, the suburb that is hady for nowhere, to listen to beatnicks do their poetry thing. More drinking. Perhaps I shall even amaze them all with my amazing talet at writing amazing poems and amazingly recite one of those amazing poems! No of this 'I am off to perform my poetry' clicking fingers bollocks. Bleeding heart emos abound!
Tommorow: You guessed it! DRINKING ABOUND! There is a dress up party at a freinds house in the most aro of valleys. The costume specifications is that your dress must start with 'p'. My freinds are going as 'poos' and 'perpetual motion'. I'll give you a cookie if you can guess what I am dressing up as! Clue: It starts with 'p'! Abound!
Sunday: I am proably due for a hangover sometime soon, so sunday will be spent getting over it. Should be a shocker!

so there we have it. I hope you have as much fun and excitement planned as I do. Pleasant whatevers! ABOUND!

How am I still alive?

Yesterday, as I was just starting my second jug of tui at eastside, I got a text message.

Mr X: You comming to Bodega tonight?
Me: Why, whats on at Bodega?
Mr X: All the writing group are getting together for a nightcap.

Yes, 'Nightcap' was the word used. The message should have read 'we are getting together to OBLITERATE YOUR LIVER!

So yesterday I had:
Four wiskey drys
Three Pints of Beer, Black
Three Pints of Beer, Ale
Two Jugs of Tui
A glass of red wine
And, to finish off the night good and proper we all had *drumroll* a shot of absinthe.

Yes, the green pixie was with us all last night. The good old green pixie.
But, Remarkably, on the fifth day of my week long binge fest I am feeling pretty good. I don't know if the can of tuna for breakfast was a good idea.

COUNTDOWN OF THE COSTS!
As you may have guessed, my bank account is now a fuckload emptier.
Today : $455.
Oh crap.

It's raining cats and

GLASS! Goddamn you best appreciate me trudging uphill in a frenzied shower of ICE COVERED ROCKS to tell you all about my amzing and briliant life. I woke up this morning, at 8am, an the sun was shining merrily, so I went back to bed. I get up again at eleven. Sun is shining. Wash the dishes. Sky is blue. Have a shower. The cicadias are chirping away with the desperate nature of thouse who want to get laid before they die tommorow. I walk outside in a thin tee-shirt I pilfered from a freind of mine and HELL FREEZES OVER AND THEN IS DROPPED ON ME. IN SHARP PEICES.

anway, Eastside opens soon. Sweet wiskey will be my mistress today!

COST COUNTDOWN!
Today: $783
Whats this! My funds have gone up? NO! This is my rent money from studylink. It goes away tommorow.
Money I actually have: $533
Sweet mercy fuck! What the hell did I drink yesterday? Well, time to go find out!

the days before uni

Only four more days untill uni starts! Only 96 more hours untill the back breaking strees of 11am classes start!
HAH!
If I haven't said it before, then I will say it now. I pity you if you are taking a law degree. I pity you if you are taking a Design degree. Science or Accounting degree? You get my pity. If you are taking a Theatre degree, you are beyond pity, and floating in an ocean of near-disgust. Pretty much, if you are doing anything EXCEPT english, you are in for a great year. And by great, I mean it would be easyer to be born a jew with dark hair when Hitler was in power.
My course centers around reading books. It's easy. Even for a mediocre reader, this means that you can proably finish a weeks worth of work in two, maybe three nights. None of this brain hemmoraging stress that you get from law, where the students barelyhave time to eat. And even when they eat they are reading. Reading stupid text books that cost $75. and you have to buy a seperate glossary.
This might seem like I am doing nothing but gloat. That is because I am doing nothing but gloat. Gloat gloat gloat.
Have fun with your year, suckers. I'm off to eastside.

COURSE RELATED COSTS COUNTDOWN!
Today: $597.14
I should be able to save some money today because I got up later than usual. This means I might not buy lunch here.

why do you hate me?

And why did eastside close at five yesterday? i was just getting into the swing of things. Perhaps today they will realise that this week is the only week when nobody has any work and everyone has money and stay open longer.

FLAN'S COURSE RELATED COURSE THEMOMETER!
On tuesday, my course related costs arrived, so now I am going to keep an online recored of how much I have spent! I spent $500 in three days the last time I had any money, but you will be pleased to see that I have been doing better this time. watch out for updates at the end of each post!

Tuesday: $1000
Monday: $685
Today: $618

Today I have to buy some more refill and some batteries. And lunch. I am also debating weather to get myself a gym membership, but I am thinking this will be a waste of money. Do you?

Alcoholic Pudding

Yesterday my grandparents came to welington, and so they shouted me a meal at a restruant called 'Hazel'. It costs alot, but it was very nice. The main reason it was nice, me thinks, is because of all the booze they put into everything. There was one course that I had that did not have booze in it, and that was the galic bread.
But they saved the best till last. I had white chocholate rum buree with drunk fruits and a hot chocholate that had so much hazelnut liquour in it the spoon stood by itself.
so I have decided to be a dessert drunk. It's a briliant idea, good food, and you are sober for most of the day, but just when people are thinking, 'oh thank god Flan was sober enough to put on pants today' you say, 'perhaps I'll just have something else' and BAM! You reserve yourself a place in the nearest gutter and head off to the fats.

Sometimes I love my life.

but now I am at university. Again. At 9 am. Again. This is because today is the first day of "Oreintation '06 lolzorzs". So I have to do alot of things before all the first years make the halls sticky. And then I shall wait untill eastside opens.

Whos bright idea was it to put a bar on campus? Satan tempts me. I have no will.

Wellington night life

Fun fun fun in your bum! Back in wellington, so I had to celebrate last night. With BEER! It's a meal in a can apparenly. All the goodness of a loaf of bread with thrice the alcohol content!
Then myself and another three freinds went around wellington, trying to get into bars and shouting 'Matt Damion' at people. I gave a man who has hitting buckets with a stick ten cents.

In other news, uni is comming back to life again. With first years. They are easy to spot, because of all the supree they are wearing. They are hanging around, trying to work the computers, reading their notes for classes that they will proably stop going to after a week of drunken excess. It's almost cute. They seem to think it all matters.

But we know differently now, don't we?

Dinner invitation

It worked! A brazen act without much tact has worked it's charm without much harm! (I'm a poet, ect.) Yup, I have a dinner date, I suppose, and it fells good.
You reading this, my welly friends? Remember all those times I have said 'come on, go talk to them, what have you got to lose?' and you would reply 'My dignity' or 'The use of my limbs' or even 'control over my bladder'? Well, perhaps not the last one. But still, the lesson is there. We aren't getting any younger, (it's fun being 20 and saying that), and so we must become men of action.

In other news, I am going back to wellington tomorrow. I was supposed to be on the bus right now, but my grandmother invited me to dinner, so I postponed my return. I will proably be chowing down on some sort of a roast tonight. Or perhaps even fresh fish. The best thing about dining with my grandparents, however, is that they know wine. They have a wine cellor. It is in their closet. But the wine they serve is always suited to the meal and beautiful. So very very good wine.

So I go on the bus tommorow.

Valentines idea of a joke.

So today my money arrived into my account. Unfortunately, because of a promise I made to whatever, I then had to send a Valentine to someone.
This may not seem like a very logical sequence of events, but I am sure that you know realise that life doesn't have to be very logical.
This is the first Valentine I have sent. To someone I am not in a relationship with. The fun of it all. Thank you study link, for only getting yourself into action when there is probable chance for my own public humiliation. This, I think, is further proof that studylink is run by Satan or perhaps even Hitler.
But it is better to have tried and failed, ect. What is the worst that could happen?

A can of mace to my face, I suppose.

Thank you studylink!

"What is that? My money will be in my account two weeks before the start of my course? Because I really need that money. If there is any doubt that the money wont be there, please tell me and I will make other arragements. No? It will be there? Good, because, as I have expressed, I really really need that money. On monday. Yup. Thank you."

Yes, thank you study link, for being complete and utter wankers. Monday is today, but alas, my money is not here. The money that I need to buy my mothers birthday present. The money I need to pay my rent. The money better get here really, really soon.

So, that's my monday well and truly fucked.

In other news, I believe I am sweating the alcohol I have consumed in the last week from my pores at night. My god was list night a sweaty, sticky experiance. Sticky and smelly. I don't think I have ever sweated so much in my life. You can stop reading now if you want. Because sweat is yuck.

The fun is inside me. Or will be. Once I get my money.

Between the sheets

Last night I went to a 21st. It was a costume party, and I wnt as a Roman senator thing. Hah! Thats where the sheet referance came in! You thought it was going t obe much more exciting, didn't you?
Well, It was quite a good night. The person whose 21st it was is actually an ex-girlfriend of mine from probably five years ago now, so I must confess that I was a little sceptial of things. I didn't wan't to be hanging around like the skeleton out of his closet, a pink elephant eating all the food. But All was well. We share alot of mutual friends, many of whom came to the C.H.B. especially for this party, and a good time was had by all meeting and reminising about the ole times and catching up, epecially as some of us haddn't seen each other for over two years.
Usually reminising makes me quite depressed, but the special thing about last night was that this didn't happen. Before we went our seperate ways I spent mostly all of my first and a good amout of my second form years with these people, and hearing about all the good times an dactually having stimulus for me to recall the good times was very interesting. My memory is shot, badly, so remembering anything in any detail from a specific period in my life was kind of like being more complete than often.
My internal editor is telling me that I am not making much sense, but I don't care. It was a strange and nice experiance.

So have fun for the next whenever, thanks for the party and I wish you all the best.

The green fairies

HOLY SHIT!! It is the way to explain last night. There was a bottle of cheap wine, of my own bringing, a bottle of zambuca. And the ,there was a bottle of absinthe. Holy holy shit. I drank half the bottle. I am very very drunk. Right now I am drunk. For fourty five dollars a bottle of 72% booze is a very good purchace.

You can tell that absinthe is not a normal drink after you have your first glass. We were cutting it with water, three parts water for ever part absinthe, but three minutes after I had finished my first half glass (It tases like liquorice and is very easy to drink) I felt it's effects. I am not, as you may have realised, and easy drunk. So I then decided to hide it under a willy wonka hat in a bedroom.

The most fun was buying the stuff. I went into the local liqour store and found the stuff, and then aproached the counter.
"Hey there, (Name Suppresed). I haven't seen you in a long time." Luckily I knew the person who was working at the counter.
"Hey, I haven't seen you in a while." The person at the counter didn't know who I was.
"Can Isplit the payment for this?" I said, handing over the bottle of green death.
She said "Sure. What are you studying in welly?"
I Said, as I reached behind me for the eftpos card of the underage person that was supling half the money for the absinthe, 'I am going to be a teacher."
She said "thats cool". Her eyes said, you are blatantly supplying pubesants with a substance that is banned in most countries. This is a fucked up situation.

I said, 'Yes, yes it is." Thanked her and walked out.

Party central hawkes bay

Well, what do you know it, but I have only been back in waipukurau on night and already I have been invited to TWO parties. This isn't too uncommon in welly, but in waipuk this is a new world record. Also, Waipukurau has the added bonus of being a hell of a lot smaller than welly so the walking is less. Less walking equals more drunk. But then again, waipuk has more stabbings. And 'P'. We are the 'P' capital of NZ, apparently.

Anyway, 'P' aside, me and my good freind Mr. $9 bottle of wine are going to meet up with a few old school mates. One still lives here because he is not old enough to leave, but the other has left, and gone to Auckland. AHAHAHA!

Times should be fun and the drink should be plentiful, I shall be intoxicated and the couch will be lumpy. Story of my life, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

AUCKLAND! AHAHAHAHA!

The bus sucks donkey

I hate the bus.

I had no music to listen to on the bus.

I had no book to read on the bus.

I had to listen to a man make racial slurs on the bus.

And talk about politics.

I hate the bus.

In the wai-puk-of-A.

Today I go back to Waipukurau, hometown and place of sweet boredom.
Why you ask? Why go to your one streeted hometown where that one street is lined with incoherant bumbs who never got out of waipuk and plus they all smell like poos? Why go back to Waipuk when the Fringe festival, the festival packed with the theartre and even some free stuff, is about to start?

Because of my endless ANGST!

Oh, I be the angsty right now. I hate wellington. I hate hills. I hate wind. I hate my flat. Yesterday, My flatmate saw that I had left a gum wrapper on the carpet. A little gum rapper. That she could have picked up and put in the bin. But no, she left it there for a day. To see if I would put it in the bin. I didn't. Because I didn't see it. And I didn't se it because it was partially covered by a rug. And it was a gum wrapper. A very, very small gum wrapper.
This might not seem like a big deal to most people, but I have just moved out of a flat where we once spent three weeks living in our own filth because we were too drunk to care. I enjoy being too drunk to care. Looking over my own shoulder and critising everything I do annoys the fuck out of me. I need FREEDOM! LET ME BE FREE!

so I am going back to waipuk so that I get bored shitless and when I return everything will be hunky-dory. Also, I should have some money by then. And an 18+ card.

Also, It be my mothers birthday soon.

What am I doing?

I woke up at three am last night after an interesting dream based loosely on 'Catch 22'. It was about one Major's quest to find out why everything was so very strange.
Then I stayed awake. I have been awake for 6 hours, and have read a novel. What have you done with your day, huh?
I went to have coffee at a cafe yesterday and it was strangely depressing. I had people to talk to, and lively disscussions to follow instead of mindless and unimportaint small talk. But I think it was because my latte was served in a glass. God invented mugs for a reason. So that my fingers would not get burnt while drinking my caffenated beverage. Why don't people listen to god anymore?
So today I am doing nothing. Might check out sjs and see if they have any jobs going. Might go back to be.

How much might could a might hound hoof?

Holy holy holy

BOOZE!
I have had the equivalent of 9 bottles of wine in the past week! Considering the fact that I was only drinking for three nights, I am rather impressed.
I played alot of limbo. Now my back hurts. And twister. Now everything hurts. And Circle of death. My Innards hurt. And 'shot races'. My innards hurt more. And 'Eat the half a cabbage'. That also affected me. Badly.

Anyway, now I am free for two weeks! More drinking abound! When I get money, of course.

...And stuff I did do.

Boy howdy have I spent alot of money. But it has all been on good, helpful and educational things.
Right then. so I bought Tekken 5 and the Fooly Cooly box set, Two bottles of wine and brunch at B4. So really I am quite pleased with my effort. No hookers.
But anyway, now to rant about my new purchases!

Tekken 5 - it has been about half a year since I rented this game and unlcked all the characters, so I thought, what the hey, I'll delete my save, leave the round count on two instead of one (customary to beat things quick) and up the difficulty level. I had, obviously, forgotten about one or two things.
a) This game is a but load faster than Tekken 4. It's almost as bad as playing 'Marvel vs. Capcom'. If you are new to this game, GO TO PRACTICE MODE FIRST! Otherwise you will be pummelled into oblivion in the first round.
b) Jinpachi is a cheating fuck. I had forgotten that the boss of tekken 5 can kill you in ONE MOVE. And if you have to beat him twice in a row it makes it that much harder. Half his move set is unblockable too.
But apart from that, Tekken 5 rules. Better grapics, better movement, and you can customize characters costumes.

Fooly Cooly - The anime seris in which a young boy gets hit in the head with a bass guitar. Then robots come out of him. Not fun for all the family, there are some parts in which this seris gets completly fubbed. Fubbed to the power of ten. But it be the fun.

What else be happening to me? I have a dinner to go to tonight. My creative writing course is so very close to being finished, so all in the class are going out for a nice dinner together, then out for drinks. i like drinks, I like them alot.

Only 7 hours to impale until then.

So that is it, I suppose.

I am single.
It's been a long time comming folks. Three years, or there abouts. But now there is no other half for Flan.
I am the half eaten pudding in the cheese conpartment of my soul.
That is proably the biggest news that I will ever have for a little while. It will proably take a little while for the news to sink in. I don't know what single people do anymore. It was easy when I was attached, all I had to do was sit in my room and resist earthly temptations. But now...
Well, at least i got $500 today. When I say 'got', I mean 'extended my overdraft by'. But it's not going to stop me spending it on cask wine. No siree.

Off to do stuff to things.