Gay.

The topic of todays post is gay.
Today I was gay. no, I don't mean I felt happy and full of vim and vigor, or that I woke up next to a naked fat man this morning. No, I mean that I drank too much last night, had too little sleep, and although I woke up still rather drunk, halfway through today the hangover hit and I had to drink six cans of "Lift +" to be able to continue functioning in a semi-effeicent way. I am feeling alot better now, but there was a small period there where I thought I was going to throw up. Alcohol is a drug, people. Remeber that when you drink, a small peice of Jesus, who likes inside you, possibly areund the gullet area, yes a small peice of Jesus, dies. I although I am a fan of the big man, sometimes I like to cause him pain. Extend these comments in a Freudean sense, and you would get a very interesting and quite possibly demented reading of my personality. But of course you know I am kidding. OR AM I??!!

That was Gay.

God is Gay also. Because today, at work, a friday, which is supposed to be the easiest going of all days, perfect for nurturing that ill gotten hangover, he decided to whip out his wang and fill the cafe with customers. And not just any customers. No. Semi-Human customers. spawn of Satan customers. Customers both from the deepest pits of night and the furterest circles of hell, deformed almost beyond rcognition, sticky fingered and shill voiced creatures of nightmare. Thats right. My cafe was suddenly populated by a good sixty children. Let me ask you: When did a university cafe, full of moody, brooding, studying, drinking, drunking students, suddenly become an appropriate family Eating spot? What the fuck is wrong with McDonalds? Do you see a play area, complet with pit of plastic balls and trench coat wearing pediophiles? No? Thats because we don't want your abnormal offspring here. So fuck off. You gay bastards.

Children are the oh so gay.

You know what esle is gay? Taxes. No really, I should be thanking the government for taking all my money away. It's not like I need it to pay bills, or save for a scooter, or buy text books, or get drunk or live. Nope, I do none of them things. I got my pay slip today, and opened it up, because I thought for the 33 fucking hours I worked last week my $270 paycheck was a little sparse, especially since I had just received a whole $0.15 pay rise. Yes, I opened up the payslip, the design of which, I might add, was obviously designed by a gay man in a basement with no sense of ergonomics in a dark basement: tear here, insert tab b into slot c, turn around three times, say the password, and then bend over to receive the reaming that is the government taking $70 out of my paycheck for whatever the fuck. You know, seventy dollars is more than one day worth of work for me. I could have stayed in bed and slept of my hangover. But in truth, I have just worked, whicle in great agony, to pay for the highways in Auckland. Fuck Auckland. In the Bum.

Auckland is Gay.

But you know what wasn't gay? My gig last night. I was as nerovus as a homosexual in Nazi Germany, honestly, if I had had anything to eat that day it would have been in my pants, but I got up on stage, played my five songs with only six fuck ups, which people either didn't notice or were too kind to mention, and got back off the stage again. I seriously didn't think I did too well, but people seemed to like our interesting style, and considering the fact that we have only had three practices, we did damn well. Our music has come a longway from the days of getting drunk and sitting on a balcony, improvising songs to one badly tuned acustic guitar. Now we do it in a pub. Our next practice is on tuesday. We have a new song on the way, and i suppose we will start looking for other gigs.

Being in a band is not the Gay.