Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... of DEATH!

Today I went and saw my old schools yearly play: Charlie and the Chocolate factory. It wasn't too bad, especially with my good freind levi as Wonka, prancing around, waving his hands and shouting "LOOK AT MY PIPES!" whenever he forgot his lines. I really want to re-read the book now, just to see if there really was all that sexual inuendo in Roll Dhals book (I dod know how to spell his name, ok?) or weather it was just a product of my deseased mind.

What was a product of my deseased mind, however, are my thoughts that the play would be much better as a grizly gothic fairy-tale. When Augustus Gloop gets sucked into the chocolate pipes, there shopuld be bits of body that travel through the glass pipes behind Wonka as he reassures Gloops parents. When Veruca Salt demands that she wants everything, Wonka should stap her and throw her to the minature squrilles who, excited by the blood, devour her with the efficency of a wood-chipper. And the reason that no-one sees the workers of the Wonka factory should be because they are all vampires.

And Wonka should not be one vowel change away from wanka. It is just too easy to slip up while typing.

Tommorow I have to work. I am to help a family freind with the lifting of things. This will be the first time that I have done and paid labor for the better part of a year. I wonder if it will be as horrible as I imagine. All the lifting, the sweat, the money... money... sweet, sweet money....
Hmmm.

Do you know whats better than milk chocolate? Not having life threatning diabetes.


"Come Chalie, help me run my factory. You'll help buy polishing my pipes. Or there might even be a job opening in the packhouse of... fizzing wizbies."

drawings

I have done lots of drawings! I now done twenty five! I doubt we will actually use any of them in the comic, but they are good practice and I am always fond of putting srtange shit in the backround for the die hard fans to enjoy. ENJOY THIS OR DIE! written on a poster is always fun. Lots of those I think.

Yesterday scrubs happened. My life is now a void until next wednesday. Not even self pity exists within this hollow husk of pale pimply skin! THE HOLE BE SO DEEP LIGHT DO NOT ESCAPE ME! Also you cannot see me because I am a ninja. Fear my ninja-ry goodness. ect.

Well, I thought I had something to write here, but Obviously not. Im surprized I lasted this long.

Do the people who create the equlization presets for sterio's actually know what they are doing? I put ny sterio on the 'rock' preset and now it sound like the music is being filterd through a rock. if this is true, I wonder what happens when i put it on 'pop'...

well, enjoy this, cause i got nothing.

morning...

This morning I thought it was wednesday, so I got up at 10:30. On wednesday I have a doctors appointment to go and get the second of three jabs for the meningitus. And there is scrubs on wednesdays. Scrubby goodness.
So as I was going through my morning exfoliation rutine I was rather dissapointed to remember it was tuesday. I don't have anything to do today. Nothing at all. I might as well still be in bed.
But it does mean that this is a morning post. A rare occurance. Of course, somtimes I be up for long times at night and feel the urge to blog at around 1am, but morning is not really moring untill I have slept first. As a consequence I often find that I have no mornings and days seem to gel together into one gelatiniousablesemisoloubleegshaple blob.
What it means in blog terms is that I haven't done anything to complain about yet.
So i have to complain about things that might happen.
I could die. I could run out of coffee. The dog might deficate underneath the couch again. It will proably be cold. Someone I don't know will come to the door and sell steak knives. I might buy those steak knives. Someone else will come to the door and I will stab them with my newly aquired knives and then crawl inside their belly for the warmth of reciently departed life.
In all proability by the end of today I will be a coffee depraived maniac wearing someone like a suit, brandishing knives as I try to withdraw money from their account at the bank. Someone will shoot me for being a 'crazy maniac'.
But I must resist the temptation. Otherwise I wont see scrubs tommorow.

Just wait untill the season is over...

My life is over!

Damn... I just finished reading 'a modest destiny'. Now what will I do during the long, lonely hours in waipuk? Waipuk hours being infinetly longer than regular hours, I suppose I should just find a new web-comic. And spend more time on pics for my own. But I liked AMD! And now the person who does the damn thing is having a baby (i dont know if the author is male or female) but babies take time. And that will be time that wont be spent on the comic. And without comic updates my days will be void of wit.

In other news I just found THIS: http://asgoodascanbe.blogspot.com/
It's the blog of a 66yr old EMO! Eye-stabbingly funny! Unless he actually is a mental patient. In witch case his sould stop wallowing in his own despair anyway. Dirty, dirty dispair. Even special stain remover can't get it out of my jeans. I mean *his* jeans. Not *our* jeans.
I'll just stop digging now.

hmmm... the TV guide promised anime goodness on tv tonight at 12.30, but it lied. Stupid lying bastard arsehole TV guide writers! Hell is populated with people who destroy my dreams! Silence! My thoughts are deadend with your prounouns of disbeleif!

There will be an cacophony of boom.

On the positive side, www.toothpastefordinner.com still has many, many entertaining pictures of goodness. Visit and be happy.

Another day...

...and another astrology alert in my in-box. I don't read the things, but I don't turn them into junk mail or unsubscribe because it is a nice feeling when you sign into msn and find that there is an e-mail waiting for you. Don't worry, this isn't a sad pathetic attempt on my behalf asking everyone out there to end me pity-mails. I don't read most of my emails anyway, and reply to even less of them. I just like getting an e-mail in my in-box every now and then, even if only so as I my delete it.

In the real world I have been spending alot of time on the net reading a comic called 'a modest destiny'. You can find it at www.squidi.net . Dont ask me why, but thats the guys website. Anyway, this comic is really good. It's fulled with sprity goodness and as well as being but-ugly funny, it actually has a great story line. I think one of the reasons it is so good is because the writer isn't afraid to have the evil minoins kill characters. Because, lets face it, evil people kill good people. Alot of stories have good characters who seem immortal, and that just gets boring. I like to see a character introduced, their background and motives explained and then get cut in half, deleted from the story forever. It's just like real life.
But with sprites. And even the stupid people are funny.

I just had a shower. Life is good and sweet smelling.

Now THATS entertainment!

I think what the world of television desperately needs is a death match between the milky bar kid and the Nesquick bunny. It would be briliant! The bunny would flood the ring with milk, then the kid would turn it into bars and throw them at the bunny, but then the bunny would use the power of nesquick to make the milk products taste like poo and force feed them to the milky bar kid. I personally hope that the kid wins the deahmatch (who can resist that charming smile? and those glasses! SOOO atractive!) but I think the bunny would win in the end.

In the real world, I have been watching wrestling. It was good because Kane interupted a wedding and tombstoned the preist. It's what I want to happen at my wedding.
Last night I had a dream. I like my dreams. This one included organized crime, white stuff in bags, dragons and old freinds in bee suits. It ended with me becomeing the room mate of satan. good ole roomy belzebub.

Time for the brak show!

Like a chump, hey!

Titles are strange things. What am I supposed to put as the title of any given blog? I don't know what I going to write before I begin. Sometimes I don't know what I've written afterwards. But the same rule applies to e-mails, or assignments. These things really dont deserve a title, they are just incoheriant ramblings. Publish your thoughts? I dont have any thoughts!
Nothing else inspires in me the same mix of pity and incomphresion. Except for women.

There has been no real world for me over the past couple of days. I haven't left the house today, except to take the puppy out to relieve itself. Yes, my parents decided to get a new dog. It's a border terrior. It has too much energy, and the ability to deficate in hard to reach places. Eww. The sent of puppy poop send shivers down my spine. But not in the good way. In the bad way.
Today the Jahova Witness came around. I really don't mind it when the religious people come round. I was especially pleased today because i had nothing else to do and its nice to talk to people istead of going down to the pub a three. We had a nice conversation about relegion and stuff, and I got the Jenova music from FFVII stuck in my mind. Thats half the reason I like talking to those guys:
'Do you beleive in Jesus, Mr. Flan?'
'Boo-doop-doo-doo... eh, what? Sorry, The Jenova theme from FFVII was drowning out any other thoughts.'
And yes, I do introduce myself as 'Flan' to anyone unknown who comes to my door. Try awnsering your door as your alter-ego! You wont regret it. Unless it's Hitler, who killes you for being a nasty little fibber. Then you might regret it.

Im reading 'Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrel'. It's like a Jane Austin novel on LSD. Also, did more pictures. Gotta work on 'wear-bear' next, and Im having some ideas about an ear... I don't have any idea what the hell im going to do with the characters, it's J.Monkey's job to come up with plot lines.

Cartoons tonight. I feel sick.

Tuesday, 21 June 2005

You know whats special about todays date? NOTHING! But if you like the show LOST im sure you are busy looking for numbers in everything around you. If you love the show, if you want to marry the show, if you are already cheating on another show with LOST, then you should go here: http://thenumbers.greatestjournal.com/
Some poor bastard with the time that I have but SOO much more motivation decided to go throught the whole show and find any all references to the big guys lotto numbers.
So why is todays date special? Lets take a look!
Tuesday: 2nd day of the week = 2.
21st = 21.
June: 6th month = 6
2005= 25. (there is no use addin '0's together now is there?)
so: 2 + 2 + 1 + 6 + 2 + 5 = 17!
Maks ya think, don't it? Especially if you passed 5th form maths. Then you might think I'm an idiot.

In the real world, today I got glasses. Now I see things good. Although Im not used to them so I spent alot of time tripping up over thing. I am short sighted, so I dont have to wear them around inside, but it is nice to be able to see 3 meters in front of me. Makes me feel all fuzzy in my tummy. That could be slight motion sickness due to the the distortion in my glasses, and I like to think it is. But now I look all smart and metrosexual. Perhaps i'll be able to get a job now.

Also, if you are at all interested, I just finished a new picture and put it in the photobucket thing. I like to call it 'Spoder Myn' just to avoid copyrighting complications. Its better than most of the other pics cause while im at home I get to use Adobe Illustratior instead of its retarded, but free, cousin 'The GIMP'. The name gives it's own indication of it's worth I think.

If i told you to go be an alligator, would you?

Tragedy!

Once upon a time, long time pal of mine J.Monkey used to call himself 'Terros' and run around while wearing his undies outside his pants. And once upon a time, I had no life. So therefore:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/terros/

Oh, I laugh so much! SO VERY VERY MUCH! Especially when I read this:

'well today has been such a weird day. i dont know whats going on. i cant make sense of anything any more.I am soo messed up.I just dont understand and i dont know y. Its my mind why dont i understand'

If I had a soul then I might find reading and exploiting others personal writings for my own amusement a bad thing. But I dont. If you are an emo, or dont want people to make fun of you because you are stupid, the the internet is NOT the place for you. Live Journals are funny. Go, serch your name and find out how much of a loser YOU are in another dimension! www.livejournal.com

And then salad happens.

Man-o-bats

I saw Batman Begins today. You should too. It is good. Good and dark and scary. And it had the Scarecrow in it. I never really thought that the scarecrow was a very good villian, but this movie casts him in a different light. I would tell you more, but you should go and see the movie so that it makes lots of money because this is a movie that should have a sequel. I know that all the batman movies have been done already, but they need to be done again by this guy.
There isn't too much T&A factor eiter, which I think is good in a superhero movie. As they say, "I may have a burnt face, but that doesn't mean I can't fight crime!'

In other news, I be back in the good ole wai-of-the-puk. Relaxation and slothiation are my key words for the next two weeks as I am free, free as a nudist fresh on parole from idecient exposure charges. Did I say 'as free as'? Correction, I AM a reciently freed nudist on parole from idecient exposure charges.

I'm so tired, but there are good cartoons on cartoon network tonight. I have to watch them because I just received my Eye D card, and can now win prizes. As long as I watch cartoons constantly. Constantly. If I tape my eyes open and sleep in frount of the tv, I might even be able to win that cool 'Hi Hi Puffy Ami Yumi' manbag! Manbaggy good!

Silence! You know not what you mock!

Sooo tired...

I'm a fan of people being hit by things as much as the next man, and thats why I play video games and watch wrestling. Under controled circumstances I've even been known to engage in a quick game of jumping off big things or 4x2 dueling. But I would never, ever, want nor expect to have anything i do, sane or otherwise, put on tv or to receive money because of it.
Why are there shows like dirty shanchez out there? You humans are incomprehensable.


Then this happens.

two-thirds the man I used to be...

Last night I chopped off my member.
Well, no I didn't. But I know you were all thinking something equally or more disgusting in you foam fillied minds. You have all contracted the crazies. Remember: some kinds of infectious are good to spread around!

Today I finished the second of my three exams. It went pretty well actually, thanks for asking.
A fire alarm went off in the middle of it. I never really thought I would be pissed off to be leaving an exam room, but when that thing went off everyone groaned loudly. Its scary. I don't think it was because anyone was actually annoyed that there was a break in the exam (I wasn't, gave me some extra time to think), but I was pissed off I had to move. I had metally and physically prepared myself for 3 hours of non movement and to have that broken annoyed me sorely. And I'm lazy.

So life is good! Thursday, last exam. Saturday, go home for food that doesn't come from a can and is microwaveable. From then on I can sleep until 12. Nice nice nice.

If any of you decided to enter the workforce instead of going to uni, I pity you. All this lazyness is definately worth any amount of stupid people.

Will I ever learn?

Only 15 hours untill my Shakespeare exam. Am I filling my time with the helpful cramming of plays? No. I am writing a blog, the composition of which would proably make good ole Bill spin in his grave with enough force to power Utah.
I don't know where Utah is, or what he does. But he sounds like he needs alot of power.
I shall be glad when the exams be over. That means I will have two weeks of not much doing. I do, however, plan to try and do physical activities when I return home for the break (If I am in the house populated with parentalls I can get free food and save the money for text books.) but those who know me know that that idea will proably just stay an Idea.
Just like me studying.

Nachos for dinner tonight. Great cheezy goodness. Orphen, the game, sucks. But if you ever manage to find the manga of 'Hellsing' you should be reading it. It's great!! Even if it does inculde Nazis as the geriatric bad guys, it is as bloody as hell! Good blood... I like to touch the blood.... BLOOD!
*ahem*

'I'd explain it to you, but I left my crayons in my other jacket.'

Coffee...

I like my coffee like I like my women: forcibly from behind!
Oh, sometimes it's funny to be sexist. But really, coffee is really good. It fills a place inside me that has been hollowed out by years of faliure. That space can be filled with beer, but coffee is less expensive and healthier.

First exam finished. First exam failed. First attempt at homicide. School sucks really. Often i wish I could just live in a box and play pokemon forever. But batteries cost money, and to get money I need a job. And I want a job that does,t iinvolve any heavy liftin which means I need some kind of qulafication. Then I can sit in an office and play pokemon while they pay me for other stuff.

People are funny. funny LOOKING!

Beating the clock

Had yetanother dream last night... it was a really long one and is too strange to put on the internet me thinks. I will just say that it involved death, destruction and another man puttinghis toung in my ear. Eww...

Tommorow be the first of my three exams. All my exams this trimester are open book exams, which makes me suspicious... why would they let me take all these texts into the exam if they wernt going to spring someting pants-wettingly horrible on me?
It hasn't made me study any harder, however... i am saving it all for a big ole study cram tommorow.

'don't bug me with a Caterpie,
for flying types the wins easy!'

Scrubs is on again! once a week! YAY! And thats all that is happening in my life.

I am still in my bathrobe.

Drunk! An inaction novel.

Damn Samurai Jack is cool. All the goodness of goof things are in it. Deep future robot cutting action!

Today I got drunk. I went to see my old work buddy who now works at the pub. And then I fell aspleap in frount of the heater. At home of course. Not at the pub. For some reason pubs don't like you falling asleap at the bar. When I am rich and famous, or just rich, I will bulid a bar that serves drinks to people in bed.

Later today I will be giong back to wellington. Exams are drawing ever closer, and my studying is being more and more heavily procrastinated. Since I cannot drive I have to take the bus. I hate the bus. It smells and makes strange noises. Sometimes it smells bad. And to make matters worse I just broke my diskman. No music on long bus trip make Flan something something.

But for now I bewatching cartoons untill I sober up.

Later Days!

The vertically chalenged

Last night I had anither dream.
I was in a room. Two walls of this room had crayons nailed to it. The two cyrayoned walls met, and the crayons were a darker colour at the corner. In this corner there was a barbers chair. It was an old red barbers chair- the type that looks like it was crossed between a dentists chair and a wheelchair and then had a ploe shoved up it's jacksie. In this chair was a midget.
I was in the sane corner, the midget was in the crayola corner.
Then the midget said to me:
'Don't fall in the water. We midgets dive in to try and save those who fall in, but it is the fairies who do all the work and you don't have one.'

thus the dream ended. I like these dreams.

In other news, I return to wellingtom tommorow, and I don't know what Rum is made out of. It don't stop me drinking it, though.

...in Dreams

Today I finished Elizabeth Konx's novel 'Dreamhunter', the first in a seris of two. Apart from the dissapontment I always feel when I finish a book and either have to wait for the next instalment or have no other books to read directly aterwards (both cases apply here...boo-hoo to me), I really enjoyed this book. But dreams and me have never really worked together. They used to scare me quie a bit when I was but a young chappie, and although nowadays I quite enjoy my dreams, they still remain damn strange.
Take last mights dream for example.

Myself and a buddy had decided to get tatoos. The tatoo palor we had chosen was on the 'x'th floor of some building. I just know it wasn't the ground floor. The actual tatoo parlor was just a small room that kind of resembled my old schools photography room. The tatoo artists, a guy and a girl, were likewise shadowy.
My friend had decided to get his balls tatooed. This struck me as odd, and it was even stranger when the female tatooist seemed unable to tell the difference the parts of private and my freinds upper lip. He ended up getting a maustauce in tatoo ink.
This didn't discourage me, for some reason, and told the tatooist that i wanted a tatoo on my arm. he asked me if I wanted to be anethisized. I, not being a fan of the pain, replied yes.
So he pushed needles in to my face, arm and leg. It wernt to pleasant.
Since the whole right side of me was now paralized, the guy thought it would be a good idea to cover me inn dishwashing liquid and spin me around on my chair. I tried to get up but since I was now lubricated and numb i found it pretty difficult. Luckily, the guy fell over aand myself and my freind were able to make a stumbling escape.
In the corridor there were all sorts of oddities. My friends boots had blood on them.

At this point I awoke. The sub-consious is a very strange place. It's ok for a vist, but I wouln't want to live there.

Heaven is a place on earth...

...yes, yes it is. Heaven is waking up at midday, drinking five cups of coffee and listening to Greenday while lounging in frount of a roaring fire. Dam,n its good to be alive. No-one else around, no shortage of food, no reason to wear pants. In fact this lifestyle has only one flaw:
Im $997.34 OD. And me credit limit is $1000.
And this is completly my own falut. I am a bum. And being a bum means that for the next week I will be living off pasta.
But it's all worth it for moments like these. People who complain about there jobs and suchlike should stop working. You'll soon find out weather you are more suited to being a bum or you need things like food and shoes without holes in them. And when you find out who you are you should embrace that aspect of your life. Ride with it, be comfortable with who you are. Don't submit to people who think that you are 'what is wrong with this country' or a 'hazard to peoples health, both mentaly and phisically'. No. Stand up for you you are and be happy.
'Cause otherwise it just sucks.

Yoho and Arr!

http://live.quizilla.com/user_images/L/lunatwilight/1077344136_deSLIPPERS.gif
Yahah, I am SLIPPERS! wanna know what shoes you are? Go to http://www.greatestjournal.com/quiz.bml?Q=3514
Oh, online quizzes are so much fun. And are of so little value. Perfect for ad breaks.
Also, I happen to be a paperclip, Elle Driver and a pirate. Horah!

Back and into the relm of real life, I got my Hellsing dvd's back. Sooo good, this seris mixes everything good from anime and vampires... ah, I can taste the grape juice now. Tommorow it's Saturday, and saturday is me sleep in day. all bed, all the time. There be nothing better than just staying in bed for however long I like. A couple of days ago I got a new book, so even if Im not particularly tired I can enjoy the warmth of my five duvets. In fact, if there wasn't great cartoons on the box tonight I might have just gone to bed now so as to wake up sooner.

Well, soon I will be back in Wellington. Slightly colder, but this is a small sacrifice for broadband.
The power cable connects to the mo-dem,
The mo-dem connects to the ADSL ca-ble,
The ca-ble connects to my art-terie,
The broad-band flows into my bllod-stream,
AND THATS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT!
Not that I actually have any practicle reason for wanting broadband. Anything I do on the net doesn't need such speed, butwith it I can do it faster.

I've run out of ice-cream.

Civilization!

Back from the beach I be. It was wet and cold, and I played lots of scrabble.
You may laugh, but scrabble is the heritage of my family. Never can any member of our family meet without a scrabble board being produced and a three hour argument started about gramma and spelling in general.
So addicted are we to scrabble that we actually have a gold-plated scrabble set. Damn is that tile bag heavy when it's fully loaded.
And because im a hopeless speller, I also found out that 'stoilet' is not a word.

Back home on friday is the best night to be back home on. Tonight really good carttons are on. So at about 3am, when thay finish, I wont be surpried if I blog again.

I have a scab on my elbow.

Life in the night

There is no one on MSN at Midnight these days! What is wrong with you people?
We must all be getting old. I remember the old days when I could spend many a night talking away to god konws who on the I-net, but now...
'Ohhh, it's almost five pm! must be getting to bed...'
Or perhaps all my freinds have blocked me. You bastards.

Anyway, tommorow I be off to the dentish to get my teeth drilled, and then Im off to the beach for a couple of days. Yay. The Beach. In Midwinter.
So not only will sand get everywhere, but it will be cold, wet sand.
Then again, I do like sand castles.
The point is that for about twenty-four hours this blog wont be updated. *Gasp!* *Shock!* How will you cope? How will I cope? I don't know about you, but without the unholy infusion of internet rantage that i've be getting once or twice a day I may just die. I am going to have to live off coffee alone.

But fear not. While you are waiting for my glorious return to civilisation you can go here:
http://unfaithful-wife.blogspot.com/
As the name suggeests, this blog is about an unfaitful wife. I want you all to go here and post comments.
Some suggestions:
'If your husband is so great, stop throwing your vagina around' or...
'Women aren't really people anyway, so it's stupid asking if you are a bad person.'
... you know, just the usual. In not a christian and the 'sanctity of marrage' thing has been applied in some very odd ways, but that doesn't change the fact that cheating isn't a very nice thing to do.Especially not when you broadcast it over the net.


Oh, I got new shoes. I now longer have to wear plastic bags over my socks to keep the rain out. Always a plus.

Happy thursday.

Don't stand to close, you'll catch it's stupid.

There is a lot of stupid out there. Like this joke!:

Q: Why is it easy to trick vampires?
A: Because they're suckers!

Let me tell you, when I heard that one I laughed for minutes!
But today I am not really going to be talking about the stupidness of 'fake lash' effect mascara or the complete uselessness of chocolate kettles. It fact, i am not going to complain about anything today.
'Why?' I hear you cry! 'No-one on the internet can resist complaining! You're annymous, so no one can seek you out and sniper you down! Don't let it go to waste!'
Well, im not going to complain about anything because im not going to do anything about it. I don't really care if George W. Bush is illiterate. Im not going to take time out of my day to educate him. Don't care if McD's serves burghers made out of pure fat, Im still not learning how to cook. I don't care if im poorer than Jesus, I am NOT GOING TO WORK! DONT TRY AND MAKE ME!
That is the only thing that really annoys me: whenever people find out that im unemployed they look at me as if i am a worthless bum. I am a worthless bum, of course, and I don't deny that. It's just that people should take time to know me before judging me. I might be devoting all my unemployed time to saving the enviroment. I'm not, infact every tuesday I start a small tyre-fire, but I could be. In fact, getting to know me is proably an exercise in futility, but at least it would stop you all from complaining about things that you are never going to be able to, nor try to, change.
And you stupid vampires actually read all this! Yahaha!

On the brighter side, Scrubs is on tonight. SCRUBS!!!! The guy who write for that deserves a star on hollywood boulevard. Not that bloody american idol vampire.