It begins...AGAIN!

I am tired. oh so tired. Today I started work at 7:30. In the am. And then I burnt my hand. Lots of times. Then I finished. At 1pm. Only 5 and a half hours, but god damn. I tired.
I haven't even had any classes yet! my first one is at 3pm., and I get home tonight at 5. Hopefully I will have enough energy to eat and watch greays anotomy, but then I have to sleep, in preperation to do it all again the next day. Hooray.

The twenty first I went to was fun. There was lots of food, and much beer. I drank too much, and fell asleap in the back seat of a car. You would think that the back seat of a car would be nice and comfortable, but it is not. Especially not the back seat of my friends car, which is damp, and smells funny. Luckly I have snoopy pajamas, and they made things good.
Nothing, however, coould make the trip back to welly good.
I was hung over. I hate traveling hungover. And I had to sit on the middle back seat. I hate sitting oon the middle back seat. It hurts my bum. And everyone else in the car was sick. I was just hungover, but we were all coffing and splutering and what have you. not very helpful, and we were all to tired to talk much.
Bu5t now I am back in wellington. i have3 a clothing drying rack, which means that it doesn't matter if it is raining, I can still wash my clotes. of course, now it is sunny. So I could dry my clothes outside if I wanted too. but I don't. I want to dry themn inside, thank you very much.

I hate karma.

You gotta be quick to catch this thrill ride!

I got back to Wellington on tuesday, after one hell of a boring bus ride, thanks to one I shall not name not being on the bus like he said he would. But I suppose thats ok. I finished off a book I was reading and even slept some. I don't usually sleep on public transport. I am afraid that I will wake up with an obese smelly semi-human drooling on my shoulder.
And tomorrow I go back to the bay again. There is a 21st happening, and I have been brow beaten into going. Admitedly, it didn't take much browbeating, for there will be free booze. Also, it is a ex-arch nemises party that I am going to, and that doesn't happen very often.
How do you get an ex-arch nemisis, you ask? Well, the process is a lot more complicated than aquiring a nemisis, of any level. But part of the process I will chalk up to the fact that I lived with this woman for bout six months and then called the police on her. This kind of behaviour will crack the ice on any relationship. Or they will never speak to you again. Coin toss!
When does it become madatory to start calling people men/women instead of boys/girls? I wonder.
What was I talking about?

I just finished 'To Kill a Mockingbird.' It was good. Very good in fact. I was spared the trial of having to read it during my time at high school, and feel very grateful that I was not prejudiced against it by any stupid and cranky english teacher.

What am I going to wear? I just do not know.

Because love in youth loves not what youth is told.

Warning: This post be filled of me being a whinging bastard.

I don't like my sisters boyfriend. He is an idiot. He is 16 (she is 18) and he doesn't go to school. He doesn't have a job. He does't speak. He doesn't thank my parents when they make him dinner. He doesn' help with the dishes. When he is here he drags my sister off to her bedroom and fills her head with stupid ideas like 'Hey, why don't you quit your job? Yeah, I know you don't have another job to go to, but hey, I have an aunty in Taupo that may/may not have work for us, why not take your car and your money and go there and god knows where we are going to live because I AM AN IDIOT.'
Of course, my sister can make some pretty stupid desicions, but she is my sister, so I have t olook to a cause I can beat the snot out of. Now granted, when I was this guys age I was doing some pretty thoughtless things also. I too was going out with an 18 year old, and, granted, we did spend a fair amount of time in bedrooms, but we didn't make noises equivalent to the sound of a elephant heard in a cupboard at midnight, and I at least offered help whenever I could. Or I hope I did. My memory is famously crap, and what proably happend was that I hung around like a slightly nervous shadow. But it was a shadow with manners. And I was still in school. This guy will become CHB's next grounds keeper, and my sister will be stuck in Waipuk, proably at the freezing works. That no hope bastard. I really want him to just dissapear.

Well, got that off my chest. Tommorow, it certanly seems I will be going back to wellington. There, I shall start the arduous process that will prepare me for the next few years of my life. I have one and a bit trimesters before I graduate from my BA, and then I go to teaching college. In the meantime ihave t odo things like save money and get a license and all sorts of other gay things. Gay in the extreem. I have to say, I am getting stressed. i am not very prone to stress, especially not when I still have one week of holiday yet. But I am. I am going to have to get into some of this crap quick smart, otherwise it is going to accumalate into an impregnable ball of crap. Much like my washing pile.

So in conclusion: Women! Huh! Aye? What are they thinking? Bloody Women.

Science is great

So, on wednesday I went to the place where the doctors are kept. My doctor said: whats the problem? I said: My shoulders fucked. He poked my shoulder for a couple of minutes, drew on it with a pen, and then incected my with stuff. And now my shoulder is fine. You don't actually notice low grade, constant pain untill it isn't there anymore. Now I can bench press! If I ever felt the need.
Not a lot else has happened, however. last night I saw the last episode in the 'Full Metal Alchemist' seris. This was slightly unfortunate, becuase I only bought the first episodes about a week ago, I have not seen the whole seris and now have been left with a book ends kinda impression of it. But still, it was a good impression. The same theing happened with Evangellion, but if you saw the last three episodes of Eva before you saw anything else and had any fucking idea what was going on, you belong in MENSA. Full Metal Alchemist is slightly less complex, but the story line, or what I have seen of it, is very very good.

On an almost completly unrelated note, 'Gumdam Seed' gobbles the man penis.
"Dance like a pansy through the waves of Emo, Gundam!"
It makes me sick. In fact, it makes me so sick that I am going to have to rant about it. I know, you thought I was finished. i thought I was finished. But I am not. Because Gumdam sucks. No amount of lengthy scenes where two charaters stare at each other in what is obviously supposed to be a heartfelt manner is going to elicit any kind of audience response. And contary to popular belif, just being all 'oh, i don't know what to do about this war/ that girl/ my life/ oh im so fucked up' does not make you Shinji.

Although Shinji was a pretty pathetic case sometimes, he is nothing compared to the fucker from Gundam. I don't even know his name.

Hoodaddy!

well, I have been super productive. Yesterday I learn't three songs that I can now play on my guitar. And by my guitar, I mean my dad's guitar that I use when I come home. I can tell he hasn't been playing, because even though I have been away for a couple of months ,the damn thing is still mainly in tune. But does it ever need new strings. They are rusted cables of things. Back home in wellington, I have just reciently re-strung my acustic with low gauge strings (low guage means that the strings are thin), adn it feels like I am playing my eletric. unfortunately, it also means that it sounds like I am playing my electric. All nice and tinny.
But the point of this explanation is that my figers have gotten used to my tiny featherweight strings, and after a day of playing with huge, rusty cables, I feel like I have put my fingers into a meat grindrer. And because the strings are so old, it old sounds slightly better. In fact, I don't know if the strings have been changed on that guitar since Dad bought it. Perhaps I shall have to do so when I come home next time.

What the fuck is wrong with this space bar? It keeps putting the space in the wrong place.

Anyway, today I have a doctors appointment. I like comming home, because then I can get my parents to pay for essential stuff like finding out why I have the body of a learned and sexy, but very old, man. Seriously, My shoulder has been fucking killing me for a while now. I go to phisio, and it gets worse. so now I am going to go and see a real doctor. And my joints click. People can tell it's me because of my shoddy ankels. And my hip bothers me when it's going to rain. And since I live in wellington, it bothers me more or less constantly. And don't even get me started on my prostate.

Well, actually, it's fine. As far as I can tell. It just in hibernation. Thats all.

Anyway, off to watch cartoons, do some wrinting (I have to submit some poetry for a course when I get back to Welly) and play the finger crippling guitar again. Fun times! God ilove having things to eat all around me. I think I might have ice-cream for breakfast.

War! Huh! What is it good for?

Getting rid of waipuk, thats wha. Yes, I am back in my little hometown, with it's one street and not a hell of alot else. I am also awake at 8am. Why? Because in the silence of the Waipuk pre-dawn, my parents getting up for work make slightly less noise than a herd of elephants on some sort of narcotics.
Anyway, the 21st went well. Nothing much to report there, really. It was exactly like all of my friends had gotten together and hit the bottle, with slightly more regard for their personal apperance than usual. And the drinks were cheeper, too. $2 whiskey! I spent $30.
Today, on the other hand, I have not much too do. I am going to retrieve some files from the internet, do some writing, eat everything Ican find around the house, and probably end up playing a substancial amount of Pinball.

Dear god I'm sleeply. Bugger this 9 to 5 crap, working everyday would suck.

Our endless numbered days

Aha! A music reference (I hear one of my readers shout). But this post has nothing to do with Iorn. Or wine. Today I spent the day playing pool at my flatmate's boyfriends house, and I haven't done much else. Learnt that "heya" is japanesse for "room", and played some Diablo.
I like having holidays.
Tommorow I have another 21st to go to. It is at a bar, so I suppose I won't be able to bringa bottle of wine in with me. Unless it is in my stomach. One day bar owners will catch on and get the contents of peoples stomachs pumped as they check I.D., possibly, because this will be in the future, through a painless laser beam thingy. And when you try to leave the pub, they will take back their booze with another laser beam thingy, only this one will be painful so as to encourage you to stay longer and spend more money. They will be able to recycle the booze taken from your belly and sell it on to other bar flies at ridiculous prices, and going to the toilet will be forbidden. Or encouraged. Depends where you go.
Or perhaps it has already started. Theres alot we don't get told about, you know.

I had McDonalds for lunch today. And then I bought toast.

Shazam! And other owrds of glee.

It's all over. This morning I sucessfully sat my last exam for this trimester. It went well, considering the only study I did was this morning, and consisted of bookmarking the passages of my coursebook that I had read. It didn't take me long.
Then I went and got drunk. Then I went to sleep. Then I woke up and bought myself subway for dinner (EAT FLESH!) and a bottle of wine. Now I just plan to sit for a long time, perhaps watch some things on the TV, and sleep again.
But boy howdy, it feels better than a gay cowboy to have finished. Now I have two weeks of sweet whatever the hell I feel like. I shall learn some Japanese, play some guitar, read some books of my choosing and write some. I plan to go home to the Bay of Hawkes to live with my parents for a week, eat their food and watch their sky television.

All is panckaes. Not the McDonalds kind though. The real kind.

Coin op and everything!

It has been a long time since I have posted. And an unusual amount has happened also. All in one night, in fact. One 17hour night, to celebrate my mates twentyith birthday. This is what happened:

11am: Me mate called me up after his exam had finished, not the one having the birthday, lets call him 'D', to meet him a go to his place.
Noon: Went to the place, which is up a bloody mountain, and met my mate, whos birthday it was, lets call him 'Hobbs', and his parents. Hobbs parents had apparently decided that what Hobbs really, really needed for his twentyith birthday was a hangover, and since they are generous people, bought six bottles of wine, 24 bottles of tui, four bottles of expensive beer, and a bottle of Jim Beam so that the rest of us could all partake in the hangover also. Good poeple. I wish my parents would get me hangovers every now and then. This present of near unlimited booze kinda overshadowed the present that myself and D had gotten Hobbs: A $30 Wharehouse voucher.
Noon - 4pm: This time was spent with a three way poker tournament between myself, 'D' and Hobbs, in the only way we knew: Drunk and listning to Queens of the Stone Age.
5pm: Went to the local bar 'B4', where we meet up with friends, played pool and finished off the keg of 'Hogg Gold', a beer that retails at $2 a handle. Well, it did. We finished it off. Then we drank $3 speights. Needless to say that when we left an hour and a half later, our games of pool were a lot less impressive than they had been.
6:30-ish-pm: Went to a BYO restruant with our 6 bottles of wine to share between 8 of us, and had a good, loud, indan meal. I am quite certain that the restruant was happy to be rid of us.

Now, up until this point, the night had been civil and not anything at all like what I was expecting. Of course, my friends never dissapoint me, especially after they have been drinking for 6 hours, and things started to get more interesting from here on in.

8pm: Went to a a friends flat, lets call her 'Sunny', and proceeded to make Sunny's party much more interesting. The 8 of us procured about five more bottle of wine and drank as I tried to organize a game of wink murder, as Hobbs completly failed to do a handstand and another of our friends decided to start tackeling pretty much everyone. After a few hours a consensus was reached: We would now go and infultrate another party. So the 8 of us hit the road, now with Sunny and a few extra friends in tow.
11pm: About twelve of us turn up to this unassuming party, we had lost a couple of pikers along the way, and proceeded to be loud and apparently very muddy as we took the party by storm and ate all the party food that we could. It has been the first, and hopefully only, private house party that I have been kicked out of. Well, we were all kicked out. There was basically a blanket edict of eviction issued against us all.
Midnight: Are we ready to stop the party yet? Disheartened by our rejection? NO! We wen't looking for more rejection, and so of course headded for the Kumera, where once again I seemed to have the plauge. How can everyone tell this? More people ran away home, and after a while and a few drinks, the remaning six of us went out to find more action.
3pm: Went to a bar called 'Vespa', where the popular reply to any pick up line is 'I don't think my boyfriend would appreciate that.'
3:30: More people left our happy gang, but myself, Hobb, D and Sunny were going strong. We went to 'The Brewry" to annoy a flatmate we knew, then went to Espressaholic for coffee. But still there was no sobriety to be found. D and Sunny decided to go home. That left myself and Hobbs, who decided to have another crack at the Kumera.
4pm: The Kumera still sucks. We leave, and almost immediately my luck improves. I have a few more drinks and a very nice talk with an attractive lady. The moment was slightly marred by the fact that I had just paid her to take her clotes off. Yup, once again me and my mate Hobbs rounded off a night of near constant denial with a trip to Mermaids.
7am: Got home for six hours of sleep. D came home after spending the night at Sunnys where nothing happened at 10am, and all three of us watched Tv until the next day.

Good times indeed.

On thursday I have an Exam. This has been very effective procrastination to studying,.

Another day in bed

Thank you mrs boss person, for having the foresight to realize what I myself did not. That, the day after my exam, you might as well not roster me on to work because I would be too hungover to stand. And it's true. Im in bed. With a head that feels like the state of texas.
Why didn't I realze this? Everyone else knew I would be fucked today. My boss, my friends, that crazy guy on the corner who talks constantly and donesnt have a belt, yes, even he knew. It has become such a pridictable occurance of late that you would think that I, of all people, would have learnt by now the simple equation: Flan+Beer+More Beer+2 Bottles Wine+Pack of Cigarettes=One Great Big Hangover.
I went into town last night, with a couple of friends, to a special little establishment known as 'The Big Kumera'. The 'kurmera' is widely known to be the last stop on the way home, but also because of its location, it often becomes the first stop as well. And the only stop. Some people just dont leave the kumera. And most of them are first years.
But this was a perfect place for me to initiate my mission. A Mission I like to call Operation Get Women.
It didn't work to well.
For thoseof you who haven't been reading this so often, or at all, let me tell you all that my life is very void of the opposite sex. Or any sex, in fact. No sex all round. But last night, filled with booze and a few tips from my friends, I went out, put myself on the line, put myself on the dancefloor and watched as an expanding ring appeared, filled with lack of people.
A few replies I got when asking people to dance:
"No sorry, we're lisbians"
"I just have to go over there now"
"No"
"Im not gay"
"FIVE FEET AT ALL TIMES! MY BODY IS MY OWN!"
"Argh! ARGH!" *Smashes glass of red bull vodka and tries to slash own wrists on the fragments of glass embeded in own forehead*
Well, Not that last one. But honestly, I might as well have had the plauge. The Black plauge. Of death.
I got home at 3am, and really, I can think of better things I could have done with my night.

Oh yeah, and my exam went well.

Wack-a-fol.

Tommorow I have my first exam for this trimester. I am ready, I am physed. I just want the damn thing over so I cn go drinking. And I will. It is a morning exam, which means it finishes at 12:30, just in time for the bars to open. And since it is wednesday, I will have money. Yes, the planets are indeed aligned for a mighty big piss up.

Proably wont be sober till friday, so dont expect posts before then.

would you look at that...

A week since I have last posted. Wow. All the things that have not happened. Notably study for my exam on wednesday. And the things that have happened, mostly drunken procrastination.
Many people get all worked up at exam time. I do the opposite. I suddenly get so relaxed that I do not feel the need to perform anything except the most menial tasks, such as my washing, cleaning my room, re-stringing my guitars, unpdating and defragmenting my computer, typing out stories that I have hd in my head for months, shopping and other things. I have done some revision for my test, and I feel pretty good about it.
So why doesn't my body?
I am going through all the classic signs of stress: sleep deprivation, drowzyness, mouth ulcers and, last night, I developed a bloody big sty in my eye that is more painful than buggery.
I imagine.
But honestly, this thing is huge. If you are squemish, you may want to not read what is in the brackets [but I moment ago I spent a good five minutes squeezing the pus out of it].
I have had stys before, and have found that this is really the only couse of action to take, otherwise the hurt like buggery (I imagine) and then burst anyway.
So basically, I just wnt these exams to be over. I am sure I am not going to fail my papers, so why wont they just hurry up? Then my body will get back to normal.

God damn you god, and your invention of eye sores.

Me good ole ticky boo hey?

Heyzus Al'mi, ya Godam SoanBtch!
Thats what I said this weekend. Alot. This weekend has been filled with booze, town, parties, piza and other assorted mania. Alot of pool was played, but unfortunately, alot of booze was consumed at the same time, so the pool was of a mediocre standard at best. But stil fun.
It turned out, however, that the invitation by my friends to go to their place and drink and fun was simply a RUSE. A big ole ruse aimed at getting me to the flat so they could film me again, because apparently we haddn't quite finished last time. So that was the second night of the weekend I spent away from my bed. The day after I was hung over like royalty. And then last night I went to my other friends house to eat pizza and watch a movie called 'Wolf Creek'. Very much in the style of 'Saw' and all that crap. It's ok if you have nothing else to do. I don't.

Well, I have just finised tyding and rearranging my room. Now I have a desk to put my laptop on. The rest of the day is going to be dedicated to learning japanesse or writing. Or both. Fun.

Suits

I like wearing suits. Today i am wearing one with a green shirt, a blue vest and a red tie. And a hat. I also like hats.
You know, if I don't get the job of my dreams, being a coffee fuled english lecteror or a coffee fuled writer, then I want to be a coffee fuled op-shop owning, shomwheer in the suburbs of wellington, sitting in a threadbare lay-z-boy all day and listning to obscure music no one has heard of. If a customer guesses the band and song I am listning too, I shall give them a free pair of fingerless gloves. My op-shop will be called 'OP-SHOP: THE RECKONING', and I will close everyday at 7pm and go drinkning at my local bar where no one else drinks, and the bar staff will take pity on the bearded man they think is homeless and engage in pity conversations with me.
I aim high with my dreams.
Well, is it obvious that I have nothing to do for another 20minutes? I have a physio appointment where I am going to get the muscle knot in my shoulder massaged out. It will be mice when I am able to use my left arm to carry anything heavyer than a loaf of bread again. Honestly, I carried a loaf of bread AND a packet of gingernuts home from the supermarket a few days ago and my shoulder cramped up somthing cronic. It's a pain. Although I don't really use my left arm for anything ecept guitar and groceries, what would happen if my right arm was suddenly severed from my body by a ninja? I would be hopeless. I would have to quit my job and confine myself to my house, opening the doors between my room and the toilet with my feet and operating light switches with my mouth.
well, apart from thouse valuable insights into plausible futures, there is not much to say. I go out after my physio appointment to play pool and watch movies, then hike off to brooklin and do what I do pretty much every weekend. Drunken handstands. the thing about drunken handstans is that they are much easier than sboer handstands. you would expect booze t oafect your arm strength and balance in painful ways when attempting handstands, but the last time I attempted them sober I almost broke my neck and then wacked my testies. But there are just some things you have to do in the name of fun. Sometimes you just have to take one for the team.

In the scrotum.

BIRNG IT ON!!

Oh yeah, just finished the second of the two assignments that are due in tommorow. It only took my four hours. And I took a half hour break so's I could watch 'futurama'. Apparently 'Familly Guy' has finished for now. Damn. But i still like Futurama ok, so I don't care that much. It's not like they stopped midway through a season of 'Scrubs' or anything.
Anyway, back to gloating. I am an asignment God. Fuck all that studying crap. Who needs it? But don't get me wrong. The essay is shit. Pure, unadulterated bollocks, poured onto a page, un-proof-read, fraught with spelling mistakes and bogus arguments shrouded loosely by a flowery writing style. But I'll pass, and thats all I really care about.
So tommorow. Go to work, go to physio, print of the assignments at uni, hand them in, go to Brooklin, drink two bottles of wine, do some handstands, wake up on the roof. When I sober up I plan to spend the weekend tidying and rearranging my room and washing, playing guitar, learning some japanesse, and perhaps even putting some of my writings onto this new computer of mine. It's been a little while, and when you have something like an assignment to do, the little, menial tasks seem so much more appealing. And they are. Because if you clean your room, you end up with a nice room which doesn't smell like hobo. If you do a good essay, all you get is a grade. And what can you use grades for? Building a successful future? Pah!

What to do now.... dinner time again, I suppose. I thinks I'll have Tuna-Rice with Instant Potatoes and Cheese Sauce. Or as I like to call it, TRIP.CS
It sounds better than it tastes.

another

Another Wednesday. Another shift of Doom. Another Six Beers. Another pay day.
I should be doing an assignment. Instead I am mucking around on the internet. Damn internet.
My shoulder hurts. My back hurts. Damn old man body. I am going to physio, but It doesn't seem to be working. But my physiotherapist is hot, so thats ok.

Off to drink myself more bliss. While listning to modest mouse. I love having music on my computer.

Birthday Computer!

Wow, it all works in together, does it not? I just reciently got a new computer for my birthday, which is actually in about six months, but hey, Im not complaining, and just now have got the internet up and running, just in time to celebrate the first birthday of my blog! Thats right, I have been spilling crap onto the internet almost daily from my humble begginings back in 29th May, 2005. Woo, it's been along journey, hasn't it? Looking back, I find that I can remember almost nothing that has happened over the last year, but just for fun, lets look at some of the highlights and lowlights that has been 'Highly Flannable, 2005-06!'
1: New computer. Ahh, it's good to have my very own piracy machine, stocked full of music that my friend stole for me from artists. Gives me the nice fuzzies.
2: Desent into alcoholism! It's been a bumpy road with the bottle, I must say. I have always been a bit of a drinker, but a little while ago it just got fricken ridiculous. Happily, however, I am getting better, now only drinking about as much as I used to, and on the road to socially acceptable sobriety.
3: Relationship breakup. Well, Im single now. Come get it ladies! Theres enough Flan to go ALL the way around!
4: Three flats. Considering I don't like moving, I seem to do it a hell of a lot. I have lived in three flats since the start of this blog, slept on floors, couches, a closet, the roof and gutters. I now sleep in a bed, but that was only good fourtune. But good times all round with my many dwellings. Friends made, TV watched, general amusement had.
5: Nonsense. I have to say that at least 95% of my life seems to be made up of nonsense, especially if the posts here are anything to go by. But I like nonsense. Nothing better in my opinion. My crazy opinion.

Whew, what an exciting recap! All that not much! Well, this year I have many plans.
1: Buy A Scooter. I plan to live in the wops of welly next year, and need some form of transport, I suppose. I want a bright orange scooter, with a neon green seat.
2: Learn Japanese. I have been planning to do this since time immemorial, and have now just started! I know all the Hiragana symbology! Pitty I can't speak anything yet.
3: Graduate from my BA: I had better do this I suppose. Cant let the last two years of semi-work go to waste, now can I?
4: Get some story published: A much less concrete goal, but I keep on writing, so I might as well aim for publication.

And thats about it. Past, future, a little bit of the present. All is good. Off to go make dinner.

Tommorow

Computer! Computer tomorow!
It all bigins tomorrow!
With its brand new keys,
Its willing to please,
And when it connects,
to the internet,
Oh computer,
You make my heart soar,
I shan't be alone,
no not anymore,
With an external mouse,
I shall surf in my house,
Oh computer.

I cant get no...

You know what I haven't had much of? Sleep. This weekend was full of all sorts of things, but mostly me helping a friend by acting in his film assignment. Bloody movies. I wouldn't want to do that crap for a living. Perhaps my experiance wasn't helped by the fact that for most of the film I am not wearing pants. I was sober, and not wearing pants. God Damn.
Well, finished my moday 6hour shift, now am going to go home and see if any of my food is still edible. I haven't been home for four days. How long does milk last? I can't remember.
I am supposed to be starting and studying for assingments now, but I can see that isn't going to happen today. I am simply going to read a book, play a guitar which doesn't have a pencil for a nut, and watch some tv. But I need to get started. I need to get started soon.

LOLsleepOMG.

all manner of interesting.

People who look like my ex-girlfriend. Booze. Women. E-mails from my ex-girlfriend. A wall made completly out of beer cans. Ballroom dancing lessons. Nasal hair. All these things, and more, have happened to me since the last time I blogged. So much has happened , in fact, that it would be a very long post to recoount it all here. Just rest assured that none of it was phisically debilitating and there was only 8 hours sleep involved.
Instead, I shall recount to you the wisdom that I have gained from these experiances, in the hope that you shall be able to learn without the tourture.
FLAN'S GUIDE TO LIFE AND STUFF:
1) Try to advoid the 'friend zone'.
2) Too much cheese makes you constipated.
3) It is better to egg suckers than to suck eggs.
4) It is essential to spend more than three hours on your 3rd year english essays.
5) Your relationship with your ex is never over untill one of you die.
6) Don't work 9 and a half hour shifts ever.

Well, there we have it. Never trust a dog with orange eyebrows either. They will always screw you over.

My SPINE!

Dear go my back hurts. Today I have to go to the p[lace and book an apointment so as my spine can be put back into place. I don't know why it hurts. It might be the stress. it might be that accident I had some years back. It might be the fact that I have to stand up for hours at a time during the day. But I don't really care. The only question I want awnsered is thus:
Can I wheel this chair across campus for the rest of the day?

ommorow is PAYDAY! I plan to spend it as I always do: Eating good food and drinking bad wine.

Monday.

Just in case you didn't know what the day was, I thought like restating it! We all get lost about the days of the week. Me especially. I have to cross them off my calender each day to make sure I don't get lost.
Well, that was an interesting aside. In other news, The parliment job was crap. i don't know how much I am allowed to say (apparently their is a clause in my contract that forbids me from talking to the media.. how about that?) because I don't want my retinas scoured again. But to say it sucked bum would be an understatement. i just feel sorry for the people who do that sort of crap every day. They have to stand up alot. You know what else stands up alot? My wang. Ohh yeah.
So now I have to go and book myself a physio appointment, because apparently my body is old. my back is colapsing and my shoulder likes to just jab me with pain every now and then. And I think I have a brain tumor. But thats the last of my worries.
I the weekend I got drunk of the wiskey, watched scrubs and slept. Nothing new there.
Well, now I have to go off to the supermarket, for I have no bread, and I live off bread. Or toast. usually toast. but It will have to last me untill wednesday, where the fruits of my labour happens!

Go pay day!

ahhh

well, thaty was a hell of a shift. Now I am going to go out, have some food, and get drunk. It has been awhile since I have been drunk, and god knows I have been earning enough money to deserve it. Tomorrow I am taking an extra shift as well, just for shits and giggles - at parliment. I get to dress up nice and serve booze to MP's. Fun. Fun in their bum.
What else? nothing. So tired. so very very tired.

But my paycheck was $218 this week. Next week it will be even more. I am saving up for a scooter. having bad preminitions about me on the road? I don't blame you.

Working for the weekend.

Well, Actually I am working for the Wednesday. Wednesday is when I get paid. I will get paid alot, because I have been working alot. Lots and lots. Tommorow, However, I still have to get through the Nine hour SHIFT OF DOOM before I can enjoy the fruits of my labour. But enjoy them I shal, and you will not be able to stop me. on Wednesday I shall eat food that has been prepared by someone else, for my eating pleasure, at some establisment, preferably with a glass of wine. And on Thursday me and a friend are going to go shopping (no, I don't care if you have no money, it WILL be a good time, damn it!) and I shall buy things that make me happy inside. I also have to go shopping for foodstuffs at some point, and I will welcome the change in diet, as I have been eating toast, toast, more toast and occasionally, 'bread', which is just meta toast anyway. On the weekend I shall buy some booze (but not too much!) play poker with my friends, watch movies and eat pizza. And then all my money will be gone. Souind like fun, no?
But today I have to go into town, to return some dvds. One was a alternative ending to the 'Neon Genisis Evangellion' seris made by Gainax. I would have liked to have been there when they pitched that idea.
'I need money for an alternative 'Eva' ending!'
'Go on...'
'It will be three hours long!'
'Sounds good, but we need something new...'
'Um, Ahh... well, we are going to put in a lot of naked people, and the main character will save humanity so he can first try and strange a giry, and then masturbate.'
'BRILIANT! Here's all the money you need!'
Bloody Gainax. You gotta whatch out where you stand with tho0se bastards. Sure, the original ending of Eva was pretty damn confusing, but it takes a special person to change 'confusing' into 'self-molestation'. They did it wit 'Beserk' as well. 'Beserk' was mostly normal, right up untill the last two episodes, when, out of the blue, tentacle rape aplenty.
Anyway, back to the moral of my story, I have to go into town to return these DVD's, so I though I would go and have a look through Te Papa as well. Just because I can. And because it is free.

Im so poor. I cannot even afford a pie.

OMNISEXUAL!

Oh, how I wish I was omnisexual. All sex, all the time, everywhere. But no, alas it seems I am doomed to remain asexual, genderless and alone, pleasing myself to ezy-buy magazines.
AHAHA! Ezy-buy!
Anywhay, me date on friday...well, that didn't happen. Keh. Oh well, worse things happen at sea. Like soddomy. Soddomy between saliors. There wasn't any soddomy at this lack of date, so that is what I am thankful for. No soddom.
But the party went rather well. I kept my pants on. I drank a bottle of wine. And a bottle of beer. And a glass of vodka-orange. and thats all! Nothing else! This is a big step towards goddness and hapyness and not frightning strangers! On the down side, it was a little boring. The high point of the party was probably heckling strangers as they waked past, pretending that we knew them, and then talking to them about mutal, yet non-existant, friends. I hope Jonno actually doesn't have a friend called Steve, otherwise Steve is in a lot of trouble.
Yesterday I spent all day in bed. All of it. I ate toast. All of it. And played playstation. Also, all of it. And now all is good.

Beware the stranger with the hairy face! His beard hides ETERNAL DAMNATION!

It be over

Finally, it is over. The last two weeks have only avoided being classified as 'hell' by the fact that it has been barstadly cold. Being ill, working everyday, trying to cut back drinking, late nights and three assignments have taken their toll. I am so very, very tired.
But now I have nothing due for 31 days! Glorious, glorious nothing to study for! I can finally get some reading done, some writing done and, most importaintly, a but load of sleeping done. It's funny how things seem to pick up just after you have finished and printed off a not-too-bad assignment and it is friday and you don't have to work for two days and you have a party to go to tomorrow and a coffee date also. Hah! Bet you didn't know that, did you Mr. Three people who read this! Coffee, with a girl, on saturday, before the party. Good yes?
so that is what is happening. This weekend my official goal is to limit myself to ONE BOTTLE OF WINE during the party, thus (hopefully) eliminating any chance of me doing something stupid. Well, I will probably will do something stupid, but at least I will know that it is stupid and probably enjoy it.

Long live the weekend.

Hell is 9 hours of work

Damn am I tired! So very, very tired. Too tired. Yesterday I worked. it was hell. For about three hours, the cafe was packed. Packed full. Of crazy coffee drinker, making sounds at me and expectiong me to understand what they were saying. I couldn't sit down. I couldn't rest. The horde of crazies just kept comming, and comming, and comming.
And after my shift I still had to go into town and pay for a ticket to 'Death of a salesman' so that I would not faill my course. I am seeing the show tonight. The essay is due tommorow. I don't particularly like the play. I think it is boring and overladen with 'meaning'. What I really want to see in the theatre is a play that is like a Arnold movie. Two minutes of plot set up, then an hour and a half of pyrotecnichs, bad dialouge and guns. I can't be bothered with all this 'thinking' malarky.
Last night, my portfolio from the creative writing workshop I did was returned to me, complete with comments. I drank some wine to ease the pain. I still have a lot of work to do before I can start making money. So much work to do. The stories will proably have to become twice as long. Damn and stuff. But I passed the course, so credit towards my degree and so forth.

Lots of tutorials today, but for now I am going to go do the crossword. No Im not, I left it at work. Now I am going to sit. I like sitting.

Corrections

After seeing my previous post, on of my COUNTLESS legions of fans has informed me that, implied in my last post, was the idea that I was the absolute god of milk drinking, and that this was wrong. Now, because I feel that all four of my fans... I mean, every fan in the COUNTLESS BILLIONS that read this page are worth more to me than great big jugs of cider, I shall print this correction:
Yes, I bought two litres of milk, but no, I did not finish it all by myself. I had help, and some went into making the cheese sauce. And some went on my weet-bix in the morning. I am not the milk drinking god. I am a wimpy n00b of milk drinking. I cannot handle my milk, especially not 'full cream' that only the truly awesome drink.

So, now that that unpleasant business is out of the way, allow me to report on what has happened to me today! Not alot. went to work, went to my first class in about a month, had my first beer since sunday, and only had one, and didn't even have to pay for it, which I was glad of , because eastside has doubled the price of their jugs. doubled. Made twice as expensive. For tui. $12 a jug. For tui. Jug. Dollars. Twelve of them. So much. Too much.
Well, sorry eastside, but I don't think I will be boozing at your establisment any longer. You have been a good freind to me over the past years, but now I think it is time for me to part with your greedy, money sucking ways. Why must satan invade everything I hold dear?

It's all satan's falt. Or perhaps it's Gods. Why, for example, de he have to cast Satan to the depth of hell? Couldn't he have just had a time out? Grounded for a week, perhaps? But no, God had to fuck it up for all of us. Way to go dude.

SATAN!

scooter boi!

LOL and OMG! Boy howdy is all this living stuff tyring. I definately get enough sleep, but I am still tired! Bloody hell! Perhaps it has something to do with the six hour shift I just worked. Nah.
Anyway, my weekend was so very productive. After getting doubled on a scooter to my friends house (and let me tell you, having you feet dangled an inch form the ground while going uphill at 25k is no ride for the faint of heart) I have had alot of milk. I then hocked some books and bought some more milk. Ahh, milk. You make my bones strong and my bowels constipated. But there are worse things.
But I have something to tell you! Guess how much beer I had over the weekend! Two! Not two litres, kegs or stomach pumpings! No! Just two pints of beer. Over three days. Damn I'm good. Take that liver cancer1 I shall not submit to your juicy goodness as easilly as you expected! I will fight on!

Viva La Flan!

Thats right! IM STILL ALIVE!

whoo, been a while since I have updated. Sorry to all those who check this thing daily to make sure I am still alive, but I just haven't had the time. This week has been twenty different shades of hell (now including shading-to-peach avocado!), but at least I have come out of it better than when I went in.
Considering the fact that I went into this week unable to eat anything other than cheese, this might not be considered a huge improvement. but I take victories when I can get them.
Sooo.... this week I have drunk, danced, thrown up, worked, sang, been counceled and spat out two mediocre essays. All of these activities went pretty well, but only if you consider the goal of throwing up to be 'to throw up more'. But no, I am feeling pretty good about things, the counceling session actually went pretty well, which was good because I had some doubt. But now I fell my life is going in a better direction thanks to govenment funded healt services and the peice of advice I will now forever remember as 'The Sysiphus Metaphor.'
Well, now that I have survived this week, I think I should go and see some of my freinds and get on the milk. And no, 'milk' is not a eupamism for 'dangerous amounts of alcohol'. No, I actually mean the white stuff that comes from cows.

Go the calcium binge!

ughhhh...

so. I haven't posted in a little while. What have I been doing?
Well, on saturday my friend had a party for his twenty first. We drank lots of cocktails. a good night was had by all. On sunday, I hung around his house drinking all the left over booze, because I am harder to get rid of than a verruca. Last night, I threw up lots. my body is pain and my brain is not working good. I have essays due in on thursday and friday.

Off to see the councerlor.

End of the golden weather.

Oh well, tonight is my last night of eating all the food of my parents and staying up untill 1:30 watching cartoons. Tommorow I go back to wellington.
I have had a good time here. Got some reading done, got some eating done, got some meeting done, got absolutly nohomework done. But thats ok. I'll get it done on time. Either that, or I shall break under the stress and run through the libary reciting the complete works of shakespheare until they take me down with tranqualisers. You know who 'they' are. The C.E.V.E.
Anyway, the next couple of days are action packed! Tommorow my mother and sister acompany me to wellington, just for the hell of it really, with my new TV, box of fruit, shelf full of books and a cusion (thank you grandma and granddad!), and then I have to go to work to learn how to use the new tills. Because I am sure it will be so difficult. It's just a till people! It's not like we are launching the next mars probe! All I do is scold people with coffee and then drink!
I love my job.
On Saturday, however, my good friend of many years is having his 21st birthday party. This year is an interesting one for me, because all my friends, including me, turn 21. Anyway, what makes this 21st extra special happy drunk good is that apparently, somehow, nigh impossible though it may seem, I have attracted the eye of a lady. Indeed. Someone has finally been able to get past the fuzzy countanence and the frequent drunkeness to see the true man beneath! And apparently she has seen me drunk (which may account for my not knowing exactly who she is), and anyone who is ok with a crazied and drunken flan is fine by me. Of course, I still have to get that whole 'too socially inept to speak to person / too drunk to keep pants on' ballance thing right. The luck I shall need. May karma be with me.

Llama's are great. And two 'L's? What were they smoking?

Squashed, painfull and bleeding chilli.

Woo, what a day! Ever tried to find out how much punishment you can inflict unto your body during one day? Well, I just have! Today was filled with disturbing and painfull experiances, those of which I will now recount to you. Because I have nothing better to do. Everyone is watching 'Bones'. I wnat to be watching 'All grown up', the cartoon where all the rugrats kids have grown up and are now going through the pains of adolescance! Today, Tommy had his first kiss! Ahh, I remember the days... Or I would, but I was drunk at the time.
Anywhoo, that was an interesting segway, wasn't it? But today I played squash. I had a game of squash on Monday, if you remember, and I still had not recovered from it. So today I decided to add injury to injury, and put my aching limbs through the rigours of sport! I quite like sport, it's just that I don't do it often, and so when I do compete I am reduced to a stiff and hobbled old man, complete with groans and mistrust for the young.
One of the fun things about being alone in a house is cooking for yourself. This isn't so much fun if you dont know how to prepare food. Today I had nachos for luch, and decided to make my own relishy stuff! It worked Ok, so you shold all try it too!
Flan's Relishy Nacho Topping Stuff Recipe!
Take a tomato. Put it in a bowl.
Add some Sweet Chilli Sauce.
Add some Garlic.
Add some Peas.
Add some Cauliflower. Mine had been cooked.
Microwave.
You should proably puree it, but I had no puree machine, so I mushed it with a fork.
If it looks a bit mushy, add some flour. And perhaps some soy sauce. I don't know why the soy sauce, but it tasted good .
Microwave more.
Eat.
I swear to god that it tasted fine. And with all the vegies in it, it makes you feel less guilty about simply eating cheese flavoured chips with cheese topping.
But my day doesn't end there! No, I went to visit the blood suckers. It had been about two years since I had donated blood, mostly because the last time it happened I fainted. so I was kinda anxious about having my life juices stoled this time round. But my mother made me.
I don't like needles. I don't like blood. It's alright for my mother, she likes the blood .shes a nurse. She watches not only grapic medical dramas, but also graphic crime series. I watch cartoons. Lots or cartoons. I wish life was like the cartoons. As far as I know cartoons don't have to give blood. Did you know they take 10% of your blood? Thats like, 300 mls of blood I will never get back! But on the plus side, they gave me all the biscuts, because they were packing up, and I was a poor student.

I love karma.

Multi media RAGE!

Today I watched a recap episode of 'Desperate Housewives.' What they should really call the show is 'CRAZY FUCKIN HOUSEWIVES AND THE CRAZIES AROUND THEM.' Because when I am in wellington I do not have a TV that works, I have not seen any substansial amount of TV for about two months. And yes, I am one of those people who get ridiculously hooked to TV programs. Scrubs, for example. But when you have been out of the loop for awhile and then have all the crazy condensed and fed through your veins intraveiniously, it starts to seem a little strange. How can anyone truly beleive a plot line like that? My old english teacher used to talk alot about shakesphere and the 'suspension of disbelief' that the audience needed to keep while watching a play like 'Romeo and Juliet', but a plot in which two kids meet, marry, sex and die in five days is nothing compared to most of what is on TV these days. Lost, for example. Show that to some Elizabethans and they would stone you. For some reason it has now become accepted to pile absurdity upon absurdity, murder upon murder, plot twist upon polt twist, and call it a 'story'. And it is accepted. Sure, this is fine in a comedy, like the simpsons or scrubs, wher certain rules are automatically thrown out the window, but we have to draw the line somewhere, right?
And we need to kill reality TV.

I have run out of things to download. I just don't have a big enough music knowledge base .Other people introduce me to music. I hardly ever find it on my own. Perhaps it is because I don't own a radio. But that isn't my fault. I don't own a radio because radio stations are crap. Nine songs in a row? That would be fine, Mr. Radio, if these weren't the same nine songs that were playing four months ago. as far as I am aware, new songs ARE comming out all the time. Mix it up a bit! Stop, Stop please God STOP playing that stupid Audioslave song all the fucking time, every fucking morning. It ruined my morning coffee three months ago, it certanly doesn't make it nice and rosy now. And the hour blocks of commercials between song blocks? Also not cool. Very not cool.
So we need to kill all radio people too. Especially the breakfast crews. Joke about frozen poo? Don't want to hear it. How about a stupid quiz? I don't want to think just after I have arisen. False and Falsetto laughter? My, why don't I just drive these here toothpicks into my ears and then go have a frontal lobotomy? THE RESULT IS THE SAME!

So yes, I hate all media. Unfortunately, this means I am completly out of touch wit the world. But it's a price I am willing to pay.

Cricket

I am guessing alot of people may not know this, because I have kept it under the rug, in the closet and in various pits in the garden as much as I can. This thing, that will surprise alot of you, is that I am, actually, a raving spots lunatic.
This is why i look forward to winter, and to summer, and in fact all the seasons. In winter I believe there is no better pursuit than lying wrapped up in a duvet with a pizza and a 24 pack of Tui and watch the Ab's play the Aussies or the South African's, and in the summer I am quite content to while the day away in a pub or on a enbankment watching the cricket. And this is why, at 12:40am, I am awake watching the live coverage of the Black caps vs. South Africa test match, 2nd day.
Now, even though I may be bored and starved of freindship, usually I would still refrain from broadcasting my sports knowledge over the net. But today I am appaled. I am appaled that Jacob Oram and Daniel Vettori have scored more runs in their partnership than all the top oder batsmen put together. Hang on, one or two of you cricket illeterates might say, 'I know the name Vettori, (and some might even know Oram), aren't they good cricketteers?' Yes, they are good. They are good bowlers. Not batsmen. And there is a big difference. It isn't simply just swinging a woody clum at a ball. The fact that bloody flemming still hasn't managed to get more than 19 runs the last five times ive seen him is crazy. Bloody hell.
And Vettori just brought up his half-century.

Anyway, finally! I got a strawpeoplesong downloaded! Now Playing: Sweet as the Punch, by the bloodhound gang! Yay!

Strawpeople

Why, why don't we have broadband? This is the only place where I can download music without infecting my freinds hard drives and without fear of the Virtual Enforcers of Copywright Enfringment (V.E.C.E. for short) comming down on me. But no, can I get any strawpeople songs? No of course not. I'm sorry, but the album that costs $15 in Real Groovy's bargan bin is just too far beyond my budget right now. I could download it at the uni like that, but I wouldn't be able to take it anywhere and everyone knows the VECE are all over places like that anyway. Last week someone was busted in the libaray. Their computer went dark and the tech guys came over and took her away, but we all knew it was VECE. Scary, huh?

Anyway, flights into paranioa excluded, cartoon network has been playing nothing but fosters home for imaginary freinds all day. All of it. I think there was an hour where 'The grim adventures of billy and mandy' was playing, but the rest of it is fosters. And repeats too. damn. but I have nothing to watch untill the wrestling comes on at 1am. So I suppose I'll just have to suck it up.

Tommorow, I am playing a game of squash with my grandmother. This will go well. For her. It will be another defeat for me in the long line of squash defeats. When she got married she said she would quit squash when one of her daughters was able to beat her on the squash court. Then it was when one of her grandchildren could beat her. Now the bet is 'Look, Flan, if you can't beat me by the time im seventy then we'll both give up, alright?' So I have four more years. but I get taken to lunch and a movie afterwards, so thats good. The movie has Judy Dench in it. Whew, if Judy were fifty years younger...Ahem.

Today was easter. hope you had a good one. Don't eat too much chocolate before bed. It makes you have bad dreams where your friends physcotic father knocks you and your friends out and ties you up with duct tape and puts you all in boxes with enough food for a day.

Because chocolate is Satan.

Mah jong

Whoo, I got myself a Mah Jong set! It's cool! now all I need to do is decipher the near incomprhensible directions and learn how to play. And find three other people to tourture... I mean "learn" with me. Cause boy howdy is it complicated. The four winds and the wriggly dragons and imperial jades and don't even get started on how you are supposed to score the damn thing. Its like a crazy cross between poker, rummy, snap and crazy. Lots of crazy. But fun!

Anyway, at the moment I am using the internet. I wish I had broadband. I am downloading music, but don't know the right names for what I want to download .This makes it extra special fun! And icannot get on messenger. Because this computer is retarded. Retarded like a fox. so I cannot even ask the people who know what the songs are called what the songs are called. Blah.

At least Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends is on. It eases the pain. The pain of the fox .

Temporial warp.

Well, I am now back in Waipuk. There are several diffences between Waipukurau and Wellington, but when you are situated in one for any amount of time you forget just how different the other is. And the biggest difference is time.
After your four hour journey though the undulating coutryside of new zealand, up the east coast and through a number of towns which shouldn't really exist, like Shannon, except that people have to drive through them to get to other places, I always find that I have carried a little bit of wellington in whatever vehicle I am traveling in. Like in a plane, where they shut you in and recycle the air, comming round Pukeora hill into waipuk is like opening the plane door for the first time. Your comfortable, compact little peice of whatever place you came from is sucked out into nothing and you are hit full on by the climate of whatever place you happen to be in. Sometimes the climate is hot, sometimes the climate is cold. In Waipuk the climate is Boredom.
Time travels at half speed in waipuk. In welly time has to compact itself to get between the buildings, but in waipuk it just spreads the fuck out and says 'nope, Im not going nowhere fast.' And, because it's waipuk, it then says 'ow bro.'
I kinda like it. It is nice to just sit around in a place where it is not always raining, and vegetate for a little while. The big shock, of course, happens when you step off the bus in welly.

so what have I been doing for the last couple of days? No doubt you have been missing the witty recount of my every waking moment. Well, let me tell you! I went to Tussock bar, the massey bar, and drank too much. Because it was $5.50 a jug. Thats alot of booze, for not much money. Then on friday, I was hungover. This is surprising. i haven't been hungover in a little while. So I went out for a walk, to clear me head, and buy avocardo and tomatoes for my toast. Now, some of you may know this, but I did not, but there is nothing open on Good Friday. Nothing, except Mr. Bun's. Crazy. So i had food there. But wellington without the shops is a very different town. There are still quite alot of people around, but, instead of being roudy, runnning talking or just drunk, they are all asleap. All over the place. I went for a walk along the waterfront, and there were people just sleeping all over the place. It was really cool. Everone just laxed out, enjoying the sun .

Do any of you beleive that the supermarkets should be open on the easter holidays? I don't. Let them have the day off. Sure, I was annoyed that I couldn't get my tomatoe or an avocardo, but fuck it. Everyone was just having a good time, sleeping all over the place. In fact, we should close down everything on a easter holiday . Mr. Bun's, the petrol station, everything. We can all buy some food on thusday and have a picnic on fri, and the nall seista in the sun. Because to see all those people just realxing the day away was amazing.

We all need a break sometime. And its much more fun when everyone is breaking with you.

bogger bogger bogger!

Yup, not much happening here. Just had to go to civic video to get my Tekken 5 back, because I accidentally gave it to them when I returned the twenty Neon Genisis Evangelion Dvd's thaty were due back. Oh well.
Tonight I go to the Massey bar 'Tussock' with a few mates. Why? Because today is the last day for massey students. Drinking aplenty, and their beer is cheaper than ours too. Unfortunately my 'im a writer' stint doesn't work so well with the massey ladies. Because people at massey don't read. Never.
Ah well. Tommorow Spasm arrives in welly (proably) and then this weekend I am going home for about four days, to eat food, then I come back to welly for a 21st, then there are assignments. Lots of assignments. Allt he assignments I have never hoped for.

So much fun, and then so many assignments. Sigh.

average

nothing spoecial happening today! Nope, nothing at all. Just up at uni to have some kai and read a bit of Hemmingway, and thats about it really.
No strange dreams to report, no interesting thoughts, I'm just acting on auto right now, before I actually start my essays. Lalala.
How much do we rely on other people for support? even me, a self made hermit, cares deeply about what other people think about me. Just hearing another person call muy name in a crown, weather it be intended for me or not, is enough to set my heart racing. No matter what I am doing, it seems like my body is geared for other people.
The sad thing about this, however, is that I don't seem to have the social skills to actually pull of a decient conversation anymore, let alone start one up. Especially small talk. God i hate small talk. Unless i am really familiar with someone I just cannot keep it going.
Other Person: Hey, how's your day been?
Me: Oh, pretty good. Youself?
OP: Yeah. Nothing to complain about.
Me: ...
OP: So, I heard you have a job now.
Me: Yup.
OP: How is it?
Me: well, you know, pretty good.
OP: Good.
Me: ....
OP: ....
Me: well, I have to go...over here now.
And thats it. I am sure that I am supposed to find something to say in those little blank spaces of conversation, but I end up wondering weather the topics that I would introduce into the conversation would be actually worthwile or.. right? Damn, got no words at the moment.

See Ya. Gotta go... over there.

Speed pool

Well, I was just having a game of speed pool with a workmate, and after the experiance decided that I would have to share it with all of you.

Speed pool is one of those spots on par with wobbly leg chair racing (where you race chairs with plastic legs down a hall bysitting on them and rocking from side to side, similar to chair rodeo), Hostel caving (where you try and burrow underneath all the debree of a room to find your bed) and office chair ten pin (needs 11 chairs set up like a boling alley. For extra fun, be on the chair as it is 'bowled'!).

In speed pool, the white ball is not allowed to stop. as a result, you end up racing around a table, sinking as many of your opponents ball as your own. Fun times in taho indeed. For extra fun, try using only one pool cue, pasing it back and forth between you! This elevates pool from a quiet, dignified spot to one that is athletic, and in some instances, a contact spot.

Fun!

FULL

ITS FULL! THE LIBARY IS FULL! What the hell are all these people doing here? It's the first monday of the holidays, people! It's not like your assignments have to be in today or anything! This should be a time for rest and relaxation and booze and boozeation!

So yeah, here I am, on thefirst monday of the holidays, getting a head start on my next two assignments. What have I turned into? A student? well, I have always been a student, but now I find that I am a student in the actuall 'I do work and hand it in on time even though im in third year I stil can't spell for shit' kind of student. But the strange thing is that I haven't had to lessen my workload to become the new and improved Flan: Super student. No. I still drink heavilly, go out for parties, watch dvd's and even have a job. To use a popular colloqual expression: WTF?

Yes. WTF. WTF indeed. Bloody crazies.

In other news, me good friend comes to welly in four days! (I think) Yay! Gotta start making some new magic decks!

Because I am a nerd.

Le Carnage

French? I don't really know...

Anyway, last night, and all that ensured. To my great surprise, I didn't get too drunk make a fool of myself and then coma out in a park untill my drinking buddies called me a taxi. No, this time it was someone else who did that. Nor, however, did I ask hot chick out on a date. But that was ok. I drank alot of Gennius, spent alot of money, walked around with people untill 2am reciting poetry and talking about the mechanics of love, then watched about half of the 'English Patient' drinking coffee and eating biscuts and then went home for three hours of sleep in preperation for work.

and all is good in the world. I have my Joy back.

I don't know how it happened, but today I am joyful again. Life is bliss. So good did I feel that even though I was slightly hungover I decided to do an extra two hours at work, just to help out. There is alot to be joyful for, and I am 'digging' it. i have also been reading too much Jack Keuroac. And I am enjoying it some good.

This weekend I do not think I will do much. I have been invited to a party, but I am thinking that staying in bed and watching movies is a better idea. Also, I really don't have enough money to party successfully. sorry guys, I am sure your party will be fine anyway. I would have proably blown chunks all over your carpet.

I haven't thrown up in a year, by the way.

Geeky, geeky in-text referancing.

Busy busy I have been. Yesterday I had all the work, the nine hours of it, and today I have just finished helping out not just at the cafe but also at functions. At the Vic Law campus. Bloody lawers! They actually have tea and scones in their lectures/ tutorials! And poor smoes like me are paid to clean up after them! Well, I suppose the joke is on them, for they have to pay ridiculous prices for their course and their tea! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Idiots.

Anyway, tonight is a big night. The creative writing group is getting back together for catch up drinks. This is a big thing for two reasons: a) I will have someone to drink with, and writers as a group tend to enjoy the drinkies, and b) a certain girl (see 'Valentines idea of a joke', Feb 14th) that I have not had the courage to text for sometime (see 'This txt is for your Love', Feb 27th) will be there. The problem is, of course, a) trying not to seem like a complete idiot while quietly trying to ingnite the torch of passioon that never actually existed and b) Not getting depressed and submiting my body to the tourtures of alcohol to get over it, end result being me making a complete idiot of myself, proably naked (see MY LIFE).

so yeah, there be a strong possiblity that I will look like an idiot.

In other news, me good time buddy Spasm (go see his site! The link is just over there -> ) is comming to wellington soon and we shall be able to catch up and do all the geeky things we do, which is mainly talk about movies and play Magic. So tell me when you are comming down dude, so I can plan me holidays! Yes, I know you read this!

Ummm, yeah. Got me some tutorials today. Hopefully get some more marks back. Cause I got an 'A'. Ohh Yeah.

ohh yeah!

Who be saying I cannot drink and still function as a human being? Well, today I got my first assignment back. I got an 'A' baby! Ohh yeah! This is only my second 'A' mark I have received, so I s teh good happy. I was even 300 words short of the limit! HAHA! take that! Ohh yeah. Excuse me, but this is just going to be a post exhalting myself.

in other news, I have a drinks outing to go to with all the fiction workshop people, and perhaps some of the poetry people as well. Hurrah! Social drinking! so much more rewarding than drinking in bed watching billy connoly! Although that was pretty good too.

Oh well, off to eastside to read about how cool I am.

Teh problems

This weekend should have been one of the most enjoyable in living memeory. On thursday, a package arrived from my auntie in the states that contained all sorts of easy to prepare and get fat from delicasies only foun in the USA, and on friday I finished off my last essay for a month, had ONE jug of tui at eastside, which I often find pretty difficult, had a good go at the crossword in the Dom post, went to town with my monies, had roti chanai, the tastiest spicy foodthing around and then spent $13 hiring out DVD's and I bought a book. The DVD's were:
Beserk, vol 5: the bloodiest anime around with funny outtakes
Trigun 3 + 7: I can watch this one out of order because I have seen them all before
Evangellion 1 + 2: Everyone knows Evangellion. Apart from me.
Billy connoly 200?: I forget what year it was, but Billy still funny.
And Scrubs, season three, my favorite TV seris ever.
Who wouldn't be happy with that? Sitting in bed, eating popcorn and Drinking Pepsi Max (To the EXTREEME! No, honestly, it doesn't taste too bad) all day. All of it.
But I had made one fatal error. Scrubs: Season three, while being really, really funny, is also hell depressing. That is because I have decided I am J.D., the main character of the show if you haven't seen Scrubs (SHAME!). Except for one or two differences, that I shall detail here,we are EXACTLY the same.
The diffences are:
J.D has:
- cooler hair than mine,
- better body,
- a kick arse soundtrack for his life,
- a job that doesn't make him want to strangle people,
- freinds who don't live a) up a mountain or b) in auckland
- a stuffed dog called 'rowdy' (mine is called Max and now lives in Japan)
- the ablity to fall over and not get hurt
- something to live for
- and, this is the most importaint one, for the whole of season three J.D. was sad because he had a woman who wanted to go and have sex with him all the time, but the woman he wanted to sex was sexing another man, but when J.D. asked the one he wanted to sex to stop sexing other people and sex him instead, she did and then he decided that he no longer wanted the sex.

And we are supposed to feel sorry for him.

Well, I'm sorry, Mr. J.D, but I have not had sex, nor anyone in my bed, for a year. I have not woken up next to anyone, not had a hug, no kiss, not even really been in a position to worry about these things happening to me, because although I think I am a decient example of humanliness, noone has show ANY inclination to do anyhting like that with me. In fact, the only person who has show any inclination towards anyhting like that lives 15,000 km away, and although we have broken up, this is still unlikely to change at any near juncture. So you can take your cool hair and 'oh my god I've got too much woman to know what to do with' attitude and just FUCK OFF.
so then I went out and bought myself a bottle of wine with the last of my money because, apparently, the only way I know how to deal with life is to drown it. That is why I am getting a counceling appointment. Goddamn. Goddamn indeed.

Here we go again.

Public Humiliation

Last night I went to the bar. NOO! put down your stones! It was for a good cause!! And besides. I only had two jugs. Pretty good, huh?
Anyway, the good cause was that there was a trivia night, with the first prize being a $50 bar tab. ARH! Your stones hurt so much! Anyway, I was in a team all by myself, because I have noone in this world. They all went to 'Brooklyn', which is another word for that viking hevan place, and 'Auckland', which is another term for hell. Because I don't actually keep up to date with current affairs beyond attempting the crosswords in the Dom Post, I came last. But for my trouble I won:
3 Tui Tee-shirts,
3 Cans of Pesi max (Extreem to the MAX!)
3 False mostaces
and a frizbee disc.

My team name was POOS. Some people were stupid and dind't look at the board before they put up their name, so they were 'poos' as well. And crap.

Anyway, this weekend, I am going to tidy my room. This will proably take all weekend, as it smells like poos. So I have to wash everything, EVERYTHING, and dry it and find a new place to hide the babie corpses. It will not be an easy job. The lettuce men watch the house like hawks. I am sure they are stealing my fecal matter....

Well, wasn't that a disturbing tangent? Thats what reading too much T.S. Eliot does to ya. I just finished my essay, and I always find that concentrating for shuch a long period of time such as writing an essay makes me go something. Shopping? Don't mind if I do!

Civic Video, here I come!

corrupt, dishonest criminals.

Yesterday, as I was obluting, I noticed that someone had put a labour party sticker on the stall door. underneath it, In biro, someone had written 'corrupt, dishonest crminals.'
This surprised me, not because of the statement, which may well be true, but firstly because it was spelt correctly (even with the number of students around it is very rare to find any corectly spelt desk/ toilet wall scrawl. Ecept in Von zedlits, where some of the Engl lecturors actually go around and correct it.) but also because I thought it was a bit of an overkill. Corrupt AND dishonest? Surely the two go hand in hand? Can you imagine a corrupt official that WASN'T dishonest?
"Yes, I did take the bribe. No, wait scratch that, thats no what I meant to say... I mean, Yup, I took the bribe and then turned a blind eye to that child pornography ring that I, in fact, had set up, so it wasn't really a bribe it was more like taking a bit of money and promising not to shoot myself in my own foot. It was a kickback of my own disgusting scheme. Damnit, I really should try to be less honest If I am going to be so corrupt."
See? Don't work to well, does it?

So anyway, that is the story of the most amusing crap I ever took.

In other news, at the moment I am PROCRASTINATING! Procrastination is one of those dirty little habits that are so addictive, and to date it is even more expesive than a crack habit, for if you take crack you wake up in a couple of days $200 poorer, but if you procrastinate too much you wake up tommorow, find out you have been dropped from your course, and now owe the government $1000. So I had better get onto me T.S.Eliot essay, then shouldn't I?

Yes, yes I should. At least this time I am making a reallly good go at it. I am using reasources

oh, wed nes day ies

Bloddy hell have I been burning both ends of the candle this week. In fact, I think someone has been holding a lighter up to my waxy middle part just for a laugh.
Well, the joke is on you, isn't it, Mr. Pyro? Because I survived 9 hours of work!
Yes! Put that in your pipe and somke it! And I hope you get toung cancer.

Now i am going to go home to bed. Sweet, evil smelling, sweaty bed.

Oh bloody blah.

I need more sleep, goddamn it! Last night I had to help someone with a filmy thing, and I didn't get home until 12:30. To top it off, I only got four hours sleep. FUCK! unfortunately, I have an essay that I have to write today. Have to. I have five hours today, and five hours on thursday to blat out 2000 words at a level that is ok for 3rd year. It isn't going to be too easy, considering my mind juices at the moment.
In other news, all of you who are worried about my drinking 'habit', that it might cause 'cancer' and eventually 'death', I say, COMEON!! No honestly, I am giving it a break for a little while. After last weekend, I think I need to. so I is going to try to no drinky drink all this week, but next week, I am going on a BINGE!
Yup, to try and change my habits, my freinds have decided that I should binge. Binge on MILK! Next week, my goal is to drink as much milk each day as I would usually do beer. So that is about 3 litres of milk every day. It should help replenish all that precious calcium I have lost due to vitaman leeching alcohol. And then I am going to write it all down and send it to salient.

Anyway, no more procrastination, gotta go read some T.S. Eliot. He was a man with his head screwed on right.

The bubble has burst.

It has finally happened. My run of happyness has ofically ended. I knew it was going to happen at some stage, I had just hoped it wouldn't. I have been trying to stay drunk in an effort to ease myself back into depression town, but sometime very soon am going to sober up, and the whole of life in complete and utter focus will come down upon me like so many heavy square things.
There have been some things that I have been wondering about. One thing really, and that thing is women. What do they think about all the time? How do they operate? Why, when I woke up this morning, was I not hugging one?
It is one thing to feel all empty inside, like you have been hollowed out somehow. It's where your soul should be. People call that feeling 'life'. But it is quite a different feeling to wake up and know that you are completly alone outside also. All that you want is a little bit of contact with another human, the warmth of a hug, and a like mind ot talk to.
But it isn't happening for me. Nothing is comming together, and companionship eludes me. Is it too much to ask, God? Of course, he doesn't know. He has as much trouble talking to people as I do.

Hmm. That be some depress. Oh well. Till next time.

How many?

How many times can I type 'holy shit' as a title to me blog? How many drinks did I have last night? How long was I dancing with the broom? These are questions that I do not have awnsers for. Yesterday was a 20 hour fetival celebrating booze, booze and booze. And sleaze. So much Sleaze. I was Sleaze king . I am sorry to all those people who I sleazed on. But I enjoyed it. I think. I cannot actually remember five hours of last night. That is the new record for a blackout for me. Usually I can remember pretty much every thing that goes on while I am drunk, but untill I saw the pictures this morning I did not know that I had stripped down to my boxers and played 'scare the guy with the shitty music by any means possible' for an hour.
So how much did I drink last night? Only god knows. I woke up yesterday at 8am, and I did not go to sleap until 8am today. All of that time, all of it, was dedicated to drinking. I had :
Six crate bottles of tui
Six cans of tui
Six glasses of a very alcoholic punch
Six shots of absinthe
Six hundred ml of jack daniels and coke.
Six was the number of the hour. I proably drank more than that, but I simply cannot remember. I am still drunk now, at fuckin pm. Life is so very good, and I love you all. Have fun.

Signing off, Drunken Flan.

Fuck yes friday.

damn am I pleased that the week is over. Thank all that is mighty. Today, work was bum. I was a little hungover from last nights 7 jug fest, and it was kinda busy. Also, for some reason, all the complete jack off decided to come in and order their jack off coffee.
Person 'I'd like a mazipini'
Me 'What the fuck is that?'
Person 'Well, if you don't know then I won't tell you'
Me 'Fine. Want any thing else?'
Person 'Yes, this.'
Me 'Sorry I can't see what "this" is. It's behind the till.'
Person 'THIS!' Waves coke in front of my face 'It's coke! You know, C.O.K...'
Me 'Get the fuck out of my cafe. Go now. Fuck off. Just fuck off.'
I got in quite a lot of trouble for that one.

Anyway, I got my extension yesterday, so tonight I am off to my freinds house. They said they wern't drinking. If they think that will stop me, however, then they... well, they should know better. I know them for yonks.

Now it's time to stop procrastinating and do an assignment. It's due at five.

Shock Horror!

I missed a post! Wow, how long has that been! Now the events of yesterday will be forgotten forever! Well, since it consisted on nine hours of work, I don't think it shall be missed.
Yesterday I got paid. $260 sweet sweet dollars. Sweet. I have $190 left. Sigh. Oh well, we know what will help that, now don't we? Beer. Damn straight.
But today I have to write an assignment, for it is due tommorow. I have done 2/3 of it, so that should not be too difficult. But I have to appy for an extention for my essay due on tuesday. Mainly because of the party that is happening oon saturday. because I am expected to be there. Because a party with out an absenthe drinking, pantsless Flan is not really a party at all.
I hopes I get it.
Well, gona have lunch now. The moment of truth happens at 1pm today. And then the Eastside happens.

Silent wind of doom attack!

Alright, so I don't get paid today. I get paid tommorow. Damn. I spent my last $7 on tui last night, and the freind who I always meet on tuesday, and proably the only person who reads this, wanted to borrow money from me. so I have no money. He has no money. we just sat around having no money together.
Well, work happened this morning. some deal really. Yes sir, coffee for you. Give me money, ect. except, today a girl who I have only talked to once before decided to spen a good half hour with me in aimless chatter, unlike most other people who decide that it would be beter to run away/ gouge own eyes out/ watch re-reuns of 'Barney' rather than talk to me. Ah, Barney. He's still funny. Because he's purple. And purple means you are gay.
So I have a bottle of wine at home, which I will proably hit once I get there, but at the moment I still have an hour and a half to kill. Usually I would be at eastside, preparing for the theatre tutorial that I have at four, which is UTTER HELL if you are sober. Yes, all sorts of brain numbing stupidity goes on in a theatre tutorial. So it helps if you have numbed your brain up a bit first.
Other than that, life be good. I will go home tonight and drink as I cook myself some dinner, which is the most fun ever. I don't know why, but I really enjoy it when I drink and fry. Wasn't there some sort of add campain against that? Proably, but really, there are more pressing things that need to be addressed through the medium of TV. Like people who like decaf coffee. They need bricks.

Oh, I wish I was a ninja. I would silent wind them sooo bad.

Another weekend, another drunken experiance.

Friday was st. Patricks day. You know that holiday about that saint that nowone knows what he did, perhaps because of all the drinking. I had forgotten about it, but by sheer luck had decided to wear a green shirt anyway. KARMA RULES!
So I set about the long and complicated process of drinking. First went to eastside, got drink. Then to Bodega, Got drunker. Then To kitty o'shae's. This is where the fun started.
There was a live band there, and there was no que to get inside. This was amazing, but it was five o'clock. I had fun dancing to the band, pretty much by myself, but as I said, I was drunk. Drunk, like having heaps of money, means you don't have to worry about much. Then I fell in love.
Ginneus. (I really have to learn how to spell this.) Ginnues, with a rasberry shot. The way my granddad has it. This is the drink of kings. It is wonderful. It is smooth, it is flavoured, it is 6% alcohol. I love it. I love it alot. When I have too much money to know what to do with, it is all I will ever drink.
But the fun don't stop til I drop, and I don't drop easily. I went out looking for a kebab, and instead found a salvation army caravan, giving away free stuff. No catches, just free coffee of juice. Briliance. I spent about half an hour there talking to the two very nice girls who were working the thing. Good times, good times. But it got better.
On the way to the Kebab place, a busker was playing a song I liked on his guitar. When he stopped I asked if he would let me play a set in return for a cig. He agreed, and the next half hour was great. I was too drunk to play anything really good, so basically stuck to Glycerine - Bush and Wonderwall - Oasis. And people gave me money! Ohh yeah! And said hey and crap! God bless you wellington, you all though I was a street bum. And you know, for one glourious half hour, I was.
Then I had a kebab and went home. The kebab was good.

In other news, on sunday I spent $50 dollars on groceries. I havent spent that much money on edibles since I have been in wellington. Avocardo is good. Then I spent $20 on wine. Wine is good. But I haven't drunken my two bottles yet. No. I am starting a wine celler. In my closet. Although I am proably going to have one bottle tonight. It is a Auzzie Shiraz that needs to be drunk, but the Merlot from Hawkes Bay can be kept for another year. Woo!

And tommorow I get paid. Does life get any better?
No. No it does not.

Buddah

You know, the last week has been one of the best of my life. I have been ridiculously happy. Tapping me fingers, listning to music, watching 22 episodes of scrubbs in bed while eating cookies, playing some good games of pool, drinking, working, getting drunk, eating, being drunk at work, doing some school work, doing some writing, doing some sleeping. It has been oh so very good.
Usually when I have a really good day, I know that a really bad day is just around the corner. But now, for five days solid, I have been happy. I have been glad to be alive. I have enjoyed the sun. I have enjoyed the rain. It just does not matter what happens, I can find away of going along with it, and even if it is something unfortunate, like blogger deciding suddenly that I could only type in ariabic (see yesterdays post title) I have been able to find a way of looking at it from the outside and laughing it away. Cause it was pretty funny. I fall over? To a casual passer by it must have been hilairous.
So I have come to a conclusion. I have obtained spiritial enlightenment.
yup. I am fuckin buddah. I am the dali lama, I am life incarnate. I am master of zen. Life is fucin great, and I have it inside me. Take the good with the bad. live life to the full. If I wan't to get drunk, great. Want to stay in bed all day? Great. I even want to go to school. &am is a great time to wake up. I am a bubbling fountain of life and energy, and I don't think it will go away.

I just hope my body lasts as long as my life does.

لإاثو صاشف فاث بعؤن؟

You know, the point of this blog is pretty much to record my life so that, because my memory is shot full of holes, I can remember it. Every now and then, however, I do something that I am not too sure about recording. like last night. Oh well, fuck it. The Immortal adventures of Flan live on! I hope my parents never find this.

As we all know, I am an alcoholic. It's fun, but it costs a fuck load of money. So last night, after I finished work, I picked up 18 bottles of Tui and went around to my freinds house. They live up a mountain. Ever tried carring 18 bottles of beer up a mountain? It helps if you drink them.
Anyhoo. Got there. Had a beer. What do I find? My freinds had won a fucin TUI FRIDGE. Its orange. It is godly. It is stocked with beer. We lit it from underneath anbd took photos. My resolve not to drink too much so that work might be bearable went out the window.
We went to town. We were drunk.
First stop- JJ Murphys, For some drunken pool.
Second stop- The big Kumera, for some drunken hitting on first years.
Third stop- shooters, more hitting on first years
Fourth stop- back to the kumera. Boy are we sad.
Fifth stop- Mermaids.
Now, if you don't know this, mermaids is a strip bar. All stripping, all the time. You kinda feel a bit, you know, dirty going into a place like that, but hey, it's not as though these people were forced into prostitution while fourteen or anything. So me and my two friends stayed untill 3am, drinking the night away. I... well, I got a lap dance. And you know, it was pretty good. Yup. Hey, I'm single. I can do these things. No law against it, is there?

Stop looking at me like that.

Bullet-points

-finsihed work

-going drinking

-going to town

-going back to work

-FUN!

nah, nah nah....

Whoo, another tuesday, and life is fine! Life is good, the sun is shining (or it was a moment ago...smoko time, perhaps.) Last night I was drunk, and that was good too. It was a freind of mine's 20th b-day, and so I turned up at her house with a bottle of vodka in my hand and two jugs of tui in my belly. We drank the vodka watching 'Bridget Jones' dairy'. I think someone should make a film about my blog. My crazy drunken antics would surely be a hit at the box office!
Because some people will watch anything.

Well, this morning I had work. And I was still slightly intoxicated. But the good kind of intoxication, the kind where even though you might have to think a little harder about what you are doing you don't mess up and it doesn't hurt, the kind of intoxication where your empty glass does indeed taste as good as the punch. So I got to talk to people and hang out and enjoy life and get paid for it. Getting paid is great. It will be even better when I actually get my first paycheck. Yum.
So now it is off for a quick pint or two, and then home. Tommorow is a big day of working, so I had better get some sleep. and beeer helps me sleep.

The title of this post means nothing whatsoever, by the way.

I'm a naughty boy

This morning, my 18+ card arrived. Now I can finnaly prove that I am over 18! The big fuck-off beard wasn't enough, apparently, but now I can go to bars.... sweet sweet bars. Where the drunk happens.
So I have done a bad thing. I got my overdraft extended by $500.
I SWEAR, I swear that once my first paycheck comes through I will pay it back and go back to my $1500 limit. I swear.
But now I have bought a $105 textbook which I sorely needed, and of course, a purchace like that needs a helpful jug of tui to let the nausea go away. Sweet sweet nausea.
But honestly, this week I am working from 8am every day and as I do not like serving double sout soy cappachino's to idiots while hung over, I will not be drinking too much.
This weekend, however, my good freinds who live up a mountain are having their 'official' flatwarming, this being about the third flatwarming that they have had. So I will surprise them all by turning up with my own alcohol purcased, by me. I am thinking that a visit from the pixie might be in order. And then I will go to town.

May the Pixie be with us, always.

ohh...

Last night I went drinking. Apparently I drank too much, because today there is no money in my account. Only enough to just pay the rent today. In fact, after today, I will be over overdrawn. This is a very difficult thing to do, in where you go over your overdraft limit, but not by enough for the bank to hit you with a $25 dishoner fee. Still, me budget is god damn tight. I will get some money next week so as I can pay next weeks rent and my insurance, and all should be just fine. But there is always the chance that Greenpeace will take mony out of my account to feed the whales, and then I will be fucked.

So fingers crossed guys.

This weekend I have to start my assignments. This process will be helped by the fact that I have no money to buy me the alcohol. Still, I am hoping to be able to tutor a guy who works at eastside in the mysteries of shakesphere in exchange for free beer. That would be good. But apart from that, my sober life starts now, and will proably last the better part of two weeks. I expect it to be like a horrible waking dream from which there is no escaping.

I am not sorry that I drank copiously laast night, however. Not sorry at all.

Soy FUCKIN mocca

Well, just finished off three hours of work this morning. Morning shifts are good, because it doesn't really get busy untill about an hour before I leave. Stupid coffee drinkers. I got asked for all sorts of ridiculous stuff today.
But now I have three hours of classes. At least I am sitting down in them. Me feet hurt.
And then, EASTSIDE! The bar staff have been worried about me. They haven't seen me in 24 hours... and I cannot dissapoint my bar staff. They are lost without me.

BEER!

First day.

Today was my first day at work. at the cafe. where in my last post, I said I was working. DOES ANYBODY READ THIS?
Anyway, I now work in a cafe. On campus. It is good, because it is not far away from where I sleep. It's good.
So I turn up there, and get the quick lowdown on what I am going to be doing. They said
Boss Person: 'Hey this is your till. You press these buttons.' Boss person made a quick hand guesture.
Me: 'Ummm...'
Boss person: 'Then you take tehre money. Money goes in here!'
Me: 'Oh, all right.'
Boss Person: And if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.'
Me:' Well, actually...'
But boss person had gone.
I had a few hours grace of looking at the till blankly and figuring things out in my head. Then it was 10am, and a horde of people came in. a hungary horde. All wanting food, but apparently, all unable to read.
Hungry Hoarde: HOW MUCH DO THIS COST?
Me: Im not sure, does it have a lable?
Hungry Horde: DO IT LOOK I BE READING IT! NOT PAID TO? HOW MUCH?
Me: Money? I'll just ask someone...'
Hungary Horde: ME FOOD NOW HURGH!
And so it went on, non stop, for about four hours, untill I point-blank kamehameha'd the next person who asked for a 'double trim soy latte bowl'. Unfortunately, that person turned out to be Brolly. All chaos ensured. Luckilly, at 3pm Neo arrived, beat the fuck out of brolly and made coffee. My saviour. And Harry Potter was arrested. But thats another rant.

But seriously, working wasn't too bad. I only have one 9 hour day, and any other time I have to work it is on;y for three hours. Next week I get to work 20 hours. By my calculation that means I will have A THOUSAND DOLLARS by next pay day.

Now I am off home to soak my feet in meths. Then I shall drink the meths. Then it all begins again.

The fourth sign of the apocolapse

I HAVE A JOB!
What, you say? Flan, a job? Flan, alcoholic extrodinare, gutter drunk and generally all round unreliable guy? Someone hired that bearded, evil smelling, good for nothing, spawn of bitches, gooey looking...
All right, you do not need to rub it in. But yes, it is true. after 2 years of SWEET FUCK ALL, I have returned to the giving people for money industry. YAY! I have ten hours of work on wednesday, and three on thursday. By my figuring, that comes to THIRTEEN BOTTLES OF WINE a week.
EXCUSE THE CAPS. Booze makes me excited. At this rate i might be abole to acheive my life's goal - enough money for a bottle of wine a night, AND enough for some food! Wow! I am a king! A god amoungst men! I wash dishes for a living!
I am so fucking celebrating at eastside tonight. Fuck my previous resolution, I copped out yesterday anyway.

My life becomes completed!

alcohol is a DRUG!

Today, to celebrate my desicion not to drink untill my 18+ arrives, I spent a bit of time at the ALAC website, finding out how much a drinking habit will cost me in the long term. Awnser - CANCER! Apparently, drinking gives you cancer, all aver the place.
And then I did a small 'Are you drinking too much' quiz. They told me I should be dead. Anyway...
So that is this weeks goal - no drinking, at all. I was going to make my weeks goal 'paint every one of my nails a different color', but it only took me one day. People are apparently very disposed to give a strange man their nail plolish.
Meanwhile, on saturday night...
I went to a party in NEWTOWN. I should know by now that NEWTOWN holds nothing but dissapointment. I had my cutomary bottle of wine and went off, carrying my back up bottle. The party didn't start of too badly, with fire works and stuff, but then there was a horde of first years.
Some things about first years:
1/They don't drink, but still seem to enjoy life, when we all know that this should not be the case.
2/ The alcohol they do buy is expensive. Twenty-four pack of Tattoo (a vodka and cranbreei RTD)? Fuck, that is about $35! I remember the time I used to care how my alcohol tasted, having bicardi and the like, but we soon grow out of that.
3/ When you steal their alcohol, they will case you! Most people don't care, or are too drunk, but when I tried to leg it with a bottle of Jack Daniels, the guy ran after me! My god, the speed! That didn't save him, however, because after 1/2 hour I went right back in their and nicked it again. HAH! I didn't like the guy, because he made stupid jokes.
So that was my night. The hangover was glorious, one of the best I have every had. No headache, no puking, just brilliant calm. I love my life.

The CRC COUNTDAWN is now over. I still have a little money left, but from now on I am pretty much scraping along as I always have done. JOY!

The fun resides within!

Last night i was, DRUNK! Yes, just like every night. But this time was a little difference. I had a few people to keep me company! Usually, while drinking, I keep to myself - extreemly to myself, projecting a little anti-social feild around me, as you do in lectures and so forth, and sit at an empth table bopping my head leasurly to the music and staring in my amber.
but last night there was a hypnotist who was very entertaining, and after the person who saw that with me left, another two people came and sat with me. These people onle have a very slight knowledge of me, being the people who are the freinds of the flatmate who replaced me when I moved out of spasm's flat. But we soon found out that we had alot in common, and drank the night away, copiously.
I am still drunk, I beleive. I had twice my average amount of jugs of tui last night, so I have a right to be. The fun resides within me.

COUNTDON OF THE COSTS!
$109
At the moment, it is a matter of trying to save $45 dollar for a couple of weeks, so that when my ID comes, I can buy a bottle of absinthe.

seven different pains

Last night, I went to a gig! It was Elmeno P, Foamy ed and The Tali-band. That last one made me laugh, and since it cost only ten dollars, me thoughts said, 'URRGRAH WHY JSHN NOT?' because I was drunk.

But I liked Foamy Ed. I thought it was great. All girl punk band? I likes the punk, but usually all-girl groups, or 'vagina bands' as I like to call them, get on my nerves. Becuase, to get a group of decient musicians together you usually have to be pretty indiscriminant of sex, and so to have four or five girls on stage means that it is proably more of a gimmick aimed at either a) appealing to men b) appealing to women who like that 'girl power' crap or c) both. Going for a gimmick like that usually means that the music will be of a worse quality than it usually would be.

But Foamy Ed were good. DISTORTION! It was great to hear a band play some old school punk styles without crying about their dead freind. Emo is Punk's malformed and booze retraded offspring. The music was just about drinking beer and doing not much. Even the Tali-band were alll right. But then came Elemno P. And I left.
Because, since they are such massive stars and what not, they had to bring on their own drum kit.
Screw waiting around for that. The crowd was pretty pumped after the Foamy ed set, and then they played 'Enter sandman' through the PA. Good choice. People singing along. Then 'Boheminan Rhapsody'. Then "Smells like teen spirit.' Then some shit by scribble.
And the drums still wern't set up.

So I went home. I have sleeping to do, and the waiting around had killed my booze buzz. Today I woke up after a good nights sleep, for a change, and am in seven types of agony, my body not being used to the rigors of drunken moshing.

CRC COUNTDOWN!
$150.
FUCK! almost out of money. But today I am going to get a job. At the uni, no less, which means I don't have to go anywhere. And my mum put $50 into my account today.
But still. The end is near.

Crapulence

Yup, it's a real word. Meaning: To feel like crap, usually because of the ingestion of substances.
Well, pretty much. I am not a walking dictionary. Obviously. Go look it up for yourself.
But I feel like crap. But not because of me drinking habit. No, not at all. I feel like crap because the sleep is not happening for me.
Usually I will go home and fall asleap between the hours of 8 and 10, then wake up between the hours of 8 an 10, feeling fresh as a fresh thing and smelling like fresh fish, to have a shower, eat some yoghurt and face a new day full on with all my might. Or with at least as much might as i can be bothered fulling.
But for the last few days, my sleep has been like this.
Get to sleep between hours of 8 and 10.
Wake up at about 12.
Stay awake, unable to sleep because of involuntary twitching, untill 5am.
Wake up again at 8, when my flatmate gets up.
FEEL LIKE POOS FOR THE REST OF THE DAY.
I don't like feeling poos. Do you like feeling poos? I do not.
So I am going to the doctors today to see if I can go on the sleeping pills.

Now, If you haven't been on the sleeping pills before, then I shall tell you a bit about them now. They are a very interesting thing.
You take a tablet, bout half the size of a panadol, about half an hour before you want to sleep. Then, no matter what you are doing, BAM! Comatown, and you are mayor. Somone could shoot you in the face and you still wouldn't wake up. About nine hours later, when you do wake, it dosen't seem like you have slept. You cannot remember your dreams, but nine hours of your life has dissapeared. You don't feel particularly rested, but neither do you feel like crap.
And so, your days meld into one long adventure where you don't see any night. After a while, you don't know what time of day it is, let alone what day of the week.

Looking forward to it. (Sarcasm).

CRC COUNTDOWN:
$257